Gingerbread [chat]ler

It's that time of year again.

Is no Girlfriend. Is Lolcat!

For Reference:


I was listening to Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". Today is Caturday. What follows is the result.

The idea is that the video is an assortment of pictures of a lolcat with the lyrics as the captions. Where Avril's version is about the persuit of a boy who is dating another girl this version is about a lolcat's persuit of a cheezburger which is currently maintained by another lolcat. Is all u kneed 2 no.

Hay hay, u u
I don't like ur LoLCat
Nowai, Nowai
I think u kneed a nu 1
Hay hay, u u
I cud b ur LoLCat
Hay hay, u u
I no that you lol'd meh
Nowai, Nowai
I no it's not a secrit
Hay hay, u u
I want to b ur LoLCat

Ur so fine
I want u mine
Ur so deliciouse
I think about u all teh time
Ur so addictive
Dunt u know what I can do 2 eat u in 1 bite?
(in 1 bite, in 1 bite, in 1 bite)

Dunt pretend I think u no I's damn preshious
And hell yeah I's the motherfuckin' prinsess
I can tell u like meh 2, eat u in 1 bite
(in 1 bite, in 1 bite, in 1 bite)

She's liek so whutevar
U cans do so much bettah
I think we should get 2gether now
And that's what everyone's lolin' bout!

Hay hay, u u
I don't like ur LoLCat
Nowai, Nowai
I think u kneed a nu 1
Hay hay, u u
I cud b ur LoLCat
Hay hay, u u
I no that you lol'd meh
Nowai, Nowai
I no it's not a secrit
Hay hay, u u
I want to b ur LoLCat

I can see teh way
I see teh way u look at meh
'nd evan when u look away I no u think of meh
I know u lol about meh all teh time again and again
(again and again, again, again)
So come ovar haer and tell meh what I want 2 haer
Better yet, make ur lolcat disappear
I don't wanna hear u say her name evar again
(not again not again not again)

Cause
She's liek so whutevar
U cans do so much bettah
I think we shuld get 2gether now
And that's what everyone's lolin' bout

Hay hay, u u
I don't like ur LoLCat
Nowai, Nowai
I think u kneed a nu 1
Hay hay, u u
I cud b ur LoLCat
Hay hay, u u
I no that you lol'd meh
Nowai, Nowai
I no it's not a secrit
Hay hay, u u
I want to b ur LoLCat

Oh
In a 2nd u'll b crammed inside mah tummah
'Cause I think, 'cause I think that ur yummeh
Is no other, so now meh teef shall sink en
U so yummeh, what the hell is that clinking?

Oh
In a 2nd u'll b crammed inside mah tummah
'Cause I think, 'cause I think that ur yummeh
Is no other, so now meh teef shall sink en
U so yummeh, what the hell is that clinking?

Hay hay, u u
I don't like ur LoLCat
Nowai, Nowai
I think u kneed a nu 1
Hay hay, u u
I cud b ur LoLCat
Hay hay, u u
I no that you lol'd meh
Nowai, Nowai
I no it's not a secrit
Hay hay, u u
I want to b ur LoLCat

Nowai, Nowai

Hay hay, u u
I don't like ur LoLCat
Nowai, Nowai
I think u kneed a nu 1
Hay hay, u u
I cud b ur LoLCat
Hay hay, u u
I no that you lol'd meh
Nowai, Nowai
I no it's not a secrit
Hay hay, u u
I want to b ur LoLCat
No way, no way

Hay Hay!

Urgent and Dire

By my count, and I admit I cannot actually count, and just gamble on numbers, we have 10 contributors.

I now pose a question of urgency.

Who amongst us is unfamilar with the letters NES and what they stand for.

Who amongst us has cause for shame?

SPEAK NOW, lest your mockery be eternal!

RiffTrax: Star Wars Holiday Special.

They did it.

They really did it.

Special Comment

Bush: Pathological liar or idiot-in-chief?

Subtle.

Why, Helen A.S. Popkin?

Before I die I would like to meet Helen A.S. Popkin for two reasons. The first is that I think Helen A.S. Popkin is the name for a bot MSNBC created which combines links to stupid stories about internet culture with stereotypical phrases "the kids today" say (G4 hosts speak, as it were). The second reason is that if Helen A.S. Popkin is an actual person I want to be the one who helps pay for her to finally obtain her G.E.D.

The latest half aborted shit child article to be ejected from her dilapidated idiot womb is entitled, "Is Facebook still all up in your business?" or "Lord God I am a gigantic fucking tool!" The focus, in the liberal sense, of the article is on the Facebook / Moveon.org spat about privacy which I'm sure you all already know of and find incredibly interesting and important. Helen's opinion on this matter is that, well, I'll let Helen speak for herself:

"And as anyone who ever raised and/or dated one knows, nobody is guiltier of the insincere apology than dudes in their early 20s.

(Ladies, am I right?)"

It's the use of "dudes" and "Ladies, am I right?" that lets me know deep down that she deserves her writing gig.

You see, the CEO of Facebook is Mark Zuckerberg. Mark Zuckerberg is 23 years old and male. So, according to Helen A.S. Popkin, Mark Zuckerberg can never, in any way, be sincere in his apology. For more on this sensible world view I direct you to feministing.org. Or was it .com? I can't remember. You see, I'm a 24 year old male. I am accident prone and find honesty to be in all ways elusive.

In addition to her flawless utilization of the ad hominem style of argument, Helen A.S. Popkin cites a recent event in which Facebook attempted to have documents regarding Mark Zuckerberg removed from a website. Because somehow Facebook selling user information and trying to restrict the circulation of information regarding its CEO is apparently problematic. Given that I don't share Helen A.S. Popkin's Kool Aid (I can make pop-culture references too!) I am not entirely sure what the actual problem is. I think the perceived "problem" for Helen is somehow related to this little nugget of joy:

Then Zuckerberg continues to (metaphorically speaking) urinate on our heads and tell us it’s raining. “We were excited about Beacon because we believe a lot of information people want to share isn't on Facebook, and if we found the right balance, Beacon would give people an easy and controlled way to share more of that information with their friends.”

OMG! How is that so not a lie? Does Zuckerberg mean to imply that Beacon was not born first and foremost a money-generating marketing program, designed specifically for marketers, with cursory consideration toward the marks?

Newsflash: Companies exist to make money.
Newsflash: In the attempt to make money compies will lure consumers into a false sense of security by offering free services which, in turn, allow the company to make more money.

I can understand out-of-touch octogenarians being shocked into a late grave by the news that companies exist to make money. But Helen A.S. Popkin? She is hip! She is "with it"! She writes MSNBC's "Netiquette" column! She's not allowed to feign ignorance of the manner by which Internet based companies accumulate vast sums of money. Though, I will admit that it is probably the case that none of Helen A.S. Popkin's ignorance is, in fact, feigned.

My favorite part of this article, though, is the end:

"Now, if only users could learn the same thing. The facts are these: Despite the big media dust up, Facebook didn’t lose many profiles in its wake. The MoveOn Facebook protest collected only 70,000 members — barely a drop in the bucket compared to the site’s 50 million users, most of which really couldn’t care less."

I love endings like that. It contains that twist of irony in that the "victim" is also the enabler. You see, even though Mark Zuckerberg is male his ability to profit off of Facebook users is fundamentally the result of the users themselves. The users of Facebook, knowing that Mark Zuckerberg is collecting, selling, and profiting off of their personal information continue to use Facebook! Helen A.S. Popkin, the faux savior of the Facebook community, has tried to incite the mass exodus required to rectify this most unjust of situations but her audience, her flock, the people to whom she communicates her message of truth are uninterested; they "really couldn’t care less".

And that's the final jab. Helen A.S. Popkin knows that in spite of her eloquence and the underhanded, completely reasonable business practices of Mark Zuckerberg the users of Facebook will continue to use Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg will continue to profit off of Facebook users, and nothing will really ever change.

Which leaves me with the following question: WHY THE FUCK DID SHE BOTHER TO WRITE THE DAMN ARTICLE?!

Now that's wit.

[22:38] Courfeyac: was hotsteating heroes.. then lost it.. and let them hotseat it.. now.. hotseating a new game
[22:39] Darthbert: Maybe you oughtn't set your chair on fire
[22:39] Darthbert: unless it is on fire with the gay
[22:39] Darthbert: in which case burn it

This Used to Be My...

Young House Tea Tasting

from intra:
"Young House will be sponsoring a tea-tasting party on Saturday, December 8 from 1-5pm. Over half a dozen teas from around the world will be available for sampling. Faculty and students welcome. Come enjoy; snacks and music also provided!"

Hanover Live

Christmas concert is tonight at 4:30 or 5 (choir starts at 5). I may or may not have a solo-ish part. Either way, if you're so inclined, you can hear our choir sing Christmas stuff. We're worn out by now, but we're still not that bad. And sometimes we sing acapella (acapella performance in 4 weeks with 20 people = not bad).

Live feed site.

The Humans Are Dead

I have recently discovered Flight of the Conchords. Their "Frodo" song is also quite good, but I think this tight version of "The Humans Are Dead" suits the general atmosphere of EoiaS better.

Since I don't know how to imbed the video, link is here.

Mitt Romney: Faith in America

Mitt Romney gave his "get out of Mormonism free" speech today entitled Faith in America. There is no one reaction which can be had to this speech save a blank, utterly bewildered stare as one's head slowly drifts to a side and one's mouth becomes more and more slack. So, for you, gentle reader, I present my "rant by paragraph" critique of Mormon Mitt's duck-fucking-stupid speech.

"Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God. Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone."

Just...just prove that. Actually, you know what? Don't even prove it. Just embark upon the road of proof; set your feet softly upon its well-worn soil. Take a first step. Take the smallest, the meekest, the most hesitant step possible towards proof. Try it.

"Given our grand tradition of religious tolerance and liberty, some wonder whether there are any questions regarding an aspiring candidate's religion that are appropriate."

Our what?

"We separate church and state affairs in this country, and for good reason. No religion should dictate to the state nor should the state interfere with the free practice of religion. But in recent years, the notion of the separation of church and state has been taken by some well beyond its original meaning. They seek to remove from the public domain any acknowledgment of God. Religion is seen as merely a private affair with no place in public life. It is as if they are intent on establishing a new religion in America – the religion of secularism. They are wrong."

Secularism is, indeed, incorrect. It is not a case that the lack of an established religion means that no religion, ever, ought to exist or wander into the public domain. If you desire to place your nativity scene on your front lawn and I desire to adorn my lawn with flaming pentagrams covered in goat blood then so much the better for liberty. The problem exists in the gem of, "No religion should dictate to the state".

Mitt does not believe this. Get on the google, pick a debate, and peruse the stupid shit he says. If Mitt thinks that he thinks religion and the state ought to be seperate, that an individual politican's influence ought to not come from their religious beliefs but rather an objective assessment of the world in which we live, then Mitt is a far more confused individual than his mormonism indicates.

"We should acknowledge the Creator as did the Founders – in ceremony and word. He should remain on our currency, in our pledge, in the teaching of our history, and during the holiday season, nativity scenes and menorahs should be welcome in our public places. Our greatness would not long endure without judges who respect the foundation of faith upon which our constitution rests. I will take care to separate the affairs of government from any religion, but I will not separate us from 'the God who gave us liberty.'"

Print out this quote. Do it now. Once you have printed it carry the paper on which it is printed, while wearing protective gloves, to the nearest toilet. Place the paper gently into the toilet and then, in a culmination of Truth and Right let fall onto the paper a gigantic bowel-movement of historically accurate truth.

IT'S AN EXPRESSION YOU GOD-DAMNED DOLT! It's a figure of speech. When one calls Mitt a "God Damned Jesus-raping ass-infesting tick fucker" one does not mean this literally. It is a figure of speech. It is a practice of the society in which we exist. I am not making an appeal to an actual "god", a literal "jesus", an objectively verifiable "tick". It is a colloquial phrase, an expression, something people say which has no literal meaning but rather a socially understood meaning. So to is the "under god". So too is every reference to god in the Constitution.

It's rhetoric. It's prose. It's an expression.

GOD!

"We believe that every single human being is a child of God – we are all part of the human family. The conviction of the inherent and inalienable worth of every life is still the most revolutionary political proposition ever advanced. John Adams put it that we are 'thrown into the world all equal and alike."

If by "we" you mean "not every citizen of the United States of American" then, sure. But I do not understand why an individual would use "we" if they did not, in fact, mean "we" in a universal, whole, collective sense. I do not think every single human being is a child of God. I am a citizen of the United States of American. So fuck you, Mitt.

"We cherish these sacred rights, and secure them in our Constitutional order. Foremost do we protect religious liberty, not as a matter of policy but as a matter of right. There will be no established church, and we are guaranteed the free exercise of our religion."

One little addition to the end, there, Mitt. You forgot "or lack thereof".

It's fine. People often forget things when they are stressed and preoccupied with other matters. Such as, you know, attempting to have your Mormonism and avoid it, too.

I think that is enough for now.

Fucking Mormons and their god-damned headache invoking idiocy.

Consolidarity.

Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed

Huckabee Baiting: "None of us could've predicted what [Dumond] could've done when he got out." Edition

I am going to start out with the LINK and give you a chance to read it before I move on.

So, as governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee "aggressively pushed" for the release of Wayne Dumond. He raped a women. Than Huckabee let him out of jail 25 years before his sentence was up. He than went on to rape and murder another women.

Since then, Hukabee as said over and over that:

"None of us could've predicted what [Dumond] could've done when he got out."

Turns out Huckabee was wrong. And today a staffer leaked a a file containing letters from other women that claimed Dumond raped them. So, this could mean two things.

1) Huckabee is a strong believe the power of the prison system to reform criminals. or
2) Huckabee does not believe that rape is real. The women were asking for it.

This is the best part. After Huckabee was elected in 1997 there was a lot of pressure being put on him from religious right and other right wing intrests.

In 1996, as a newly elected governor who had received strong support from the Christian right, Huckabee was under intense pressure from conservative activists to pardon Dumond or commute his sentence. The activists claimed that Dumond's initial imprisonment and various other travails were due to the fact that Ashley Stevens, the high school cheerleader he had raped, was a distant cousin of Bill Clinton, and the daughter of a major Clinton campaign contributor.

The case for Dumond's innocence was championed in Arkansas by Jay Cole, a Baptist minister and radio host who was a close friend of the Huckabee family. It also became a cause for New York Post columnist Steve Dunleavy, who repeatedly argued for Dumond's release, calling his conviction "a travesty of justice." On Sept. 21, 1999, Dunleavy wrote a column headlined "Clinton's Biggest Crime - Left Innocent Man In Jail For 14 Years":

"Dumond, now 52, was given conditional parole yesterday in Arkansas after having being sentenced to 50 years in jail for the rape of Clinton's cousin," Dunleavy wrote. "That rape never happened."

This fucker was let out of jail because the woman he raped was the daughter of a Clinton supporter and her family had donated money to the Clinton campain.

How nice.

Huckabee sucks.

Maps, Maps, gimme more Maps

This is kinda cool.
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN0332239320071203?pageNumber=4&virtualBrandChannel=0&sp=true

Blog of Agglutination

Entry #9

Most Adorable.

Does Pickled Garlic go bad?

So I took this jar of pickled garlic out of the fridge tonight with the thought of finally trying it. Then I looked closer.



Best by Nov 98, indeed.

Fetus Soldiers.

Fetus Soldier Ornaments

Protect our troops - from the womb to the war. What if the fetus you were going to abort would grow up to be a soldier bringing democracy to a godless dictatorship?

Plastic replica of an 11-12 week old fetus, 3" long, holding a firearm in its precious little hand, with an assortment of other military paraphernalia, encased in a translucent plastic ornament, with a patriotic yellow ribbon on top. Includes a metal ornament hanger. If only a womb were this safe, attractive and reasonably priced!

Show that you support the "culture of life" by buying and proudly displaying one of these patriotic unborn Americans.

Also available in a "Brown" model

"I Am Legend"? You are suck.

Apparently this is "reviews of movies I have not seen" week.

This morning I was watching the MSNBC and some guy was talking about the new film I am Legend. When describing it to the host of the show he said, "It's Castaway with an army of mutant lepers". Upon hearing this I froze, turned slowly towards the television, and felt fear overtake my entire being.

"Oh no," I thought, "they couldn't have..."

THEY DID.

In the new I Am Legend, Will Smith fights "mutant cannibals". In the novel? In the original? The main character fights VAMPIRES.

Ok. Who thinks that Mutant Cannibals are better than Vampires? Who makes that call? Who in the depths of their ignorance thinks, "Man, Vampires are stupid. I need to change the story so that Will Smith fights Mutant Cannibal things instead."

WHO THINKS THAT?

Mark Protosevich and Akiva Goldsman have writing credits for the film. So apparently one of them decided that vampires suck. The only explanation I could find was on the wikipedia page where it says, "While the infected become vampires in the novel, the film depicts them as "dark seekers" (Neville's term for them) who consume living flesh, with a design inspired by the concept of their adrenal glands being open all the time."

Bri-fucking-illiant.

Hollywood as a collective entity needs to have its "rewrite" liscense revoked. Beowulf fathers a dragon-baby? Fine, ok. But when they take stories containing vampires and replace the vampires with mutant cannibal whatever-the-fucks? They've shown that they are incapable of making sensible decisions.

Polar Bears Wearing Armor who Fight.

The Golden Compass will be in theatres this Friday and it will be the greatest film of 2007. I have not seen this movie; I have not read the book upon which the movie is based. So, how do I know that The Golden Compass will be the greatest film of 2007?



Polar Bears.
Wearing Armor.
Who Fight.

I do not need to know the context; I do not care. Are these polar bears wearing armor who fight real? Are they imaginary? Are they part of an elaborate dream? These questions do not matter. For, The Golden Compass offers me something no other film has ever offered: Polar Bears. Wearing Armor. Who Fight.

Other reviewers will attempt to distract you by focusing on the plot, the religious controversy, or Nichole Kidman's kind of visible bra. Some will go so far as to call this film the anti-Narnia, tempting reviewers to digress into rants about how watching The Chronicles of Narnia is indistinguishable from gargling rancid shit for 143 minutes and how your idiotic friends lied to you when they said Narnia was a religious allegory because it isn't a fucking allegory: Aslan isn't Jesus, the Ice Queen isn't Satan, or the Romans, or the Jews, or original sin, or Judas, or Hitler, or fucking ANYTHING, and C. S. Lewis can just go fuc

No...must...



That's better.

The Golden Compass is the greatest movie you will see this year. It might be the greatest movie you will see during your entire life. It is even possible that The Golden Compass is the greatest movie of all time, a movie against which all other movies are judged which fundamentally captures the human condition and succinctly expresses every being's most fundamental desire, man's ultimate achievement, and for each and every one of us the very meaning of our lives:

Polar Bears.
Wearing Armor.
Who Fight.

It r Lady Enide's Birthday.

Happy Birthday!!

More news from the "We are all fucked" front

Activision and Blizzard have said they will form "the world's most profitable games business" in a deal worth $18.8bn (£9.15bn).

US-based Activision also makes hit console games such as the Tony Hawk series and Guitar Hero.

Nine million people pay a monthly subscription to play World of Warcraft.

Link

Good-by Diablo 3, hello Diablo Pro-Skater Hero...Expreme

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