Thursday, July 3, 2008

Independence Day: Slave Fucking Assholes

Since tomorrow is July 4th, Independence Day, a commemeration of the day on which Congress first approved the wording of the Declaration of Independence I thought it enjoyble to take a hate-filled dump on this yearly celebration of rampant idiotic nationalism.

This morning someone in the office talked about the John Adams Paperback he recently began reading and expressed his shock at discovering that Thomas Jefferson was a slave fucking asshole, Benjamin Franklin loved fucking French whores, and that most of the founding fathers were honestly nothing more than cantankerous old curmudgeons who maintained the sorts of self-important attitudes required to declare self-evident truths.

What I thought interesting was the shock exhibited by the individual once he abandoned his Charlie Brown esque understanding of American History and, you know, actually engaged in a historical assessment of what really happened. It's amazing to watch the external indications of that internal shift which occurs when one realizes that America in antiquity was not a bastion of truth and virtue maintained within prudish Victorian ideals but rather was little more than a gathering of self-important, slave fucking assholes who did not want to have to pay taxes.

Truth is neat.

A more contemporary example of this is a recent study by AIMRCo which found that:

According to Kirk Mishkin, Head Research Consultant for AIMRCo, "Many of the sites we surveyed have reported 20-30% growth in membership rates since mid-May when the [Stimulus Plan] checks were first sent out, and typically the summer is a slow period for this market."

Jillian Fox, spokeswoman for LSGmodels.com, one of the sites reporting figures to AIMRCo, added, "In a June 15, 2008 survey to our members, thirty two percent of respondents referenced the recent stimulus package as part of their decision to either become a new member, or renew an existing membership."
Feel free to write your own joke about the "Stimulus" Plan aiding the Adult Entertainment Industry.

When one abandons the rhetoric and indoctrinated idiocy potent in our culture it is amazing to note the discrepancies between that which we were taught, the values instilled within us, and the facticity of the real world in which we live. The United States was never a nation of strong Christian values embraced by our leaders who threw off the chains of tyranny to embolden the world by our declaration of self-evident truths. We're just an amalgamation of horny cheapasses obsessed with our own self-maintained self-importance whose primary concern has always been and will always be ensuring cheap and easy access to blowjobs while we blow shit up and piss people off.

"And that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do."

Kinky.

1 comment:

Mike Lewis said...

two great books on this subject:

Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong by James W. Loewen

and

People's History of the United States: 1492 to Present by Howard Zinn

On something of a related note, I read the John Adams book a few months ago, and it was really good.