Monday, November 5, 2007

LaBOOOOOOF!

Shia LaBoof arrested at Chicago Walgreens.

According to the arresting officer, "First of all, the All Spark is the Transformers afterlife. Secondly, in a TRANSFORMERS movie the main character ought to be, oh, I don't know, a fucking TRANSFORMER! And who the fuck kept shaking the damn camera?!"

The Walgreens manager who made the call was reported as saying, "In the movie LaBoof's dog pees on a Transformer, which is an entirely appropriate summarization of the entire movie."

An uninvolved third party reportedly yelled, "Hey LaBoof, do you masturbate?" as the young star was led out of the store.

As LaBoof was placed in the squad car it screamed, "Are you username: LadiesMan217?"

LaBoof was then shot in the back of the head.

In a related story, Megan Fox was found dead in her apartment. While first reports speculated that she her death was the result of fucking a Camero, an autopsy revealed that she had actually never been alive, but was rather a puppet operated by Charlie Sheen.
at

14 comments:

  1. The_JollyNovember 5, 2007 at 5:08 PM

    You really can't let the transformers movie go. There was plenty of bad movies this summer. Why does this one offend you to the nth degree?

    ReplyDelete
  2. The_JollyNovember 5, 2007 at 5:10 PM

    to add to that...Transformers was very reminiscent of Jurassic Park in as much as the only reason you should have gone to see it was explosions/people dying.

    ReplyDelete
  3. _J_November 5, 2007 at 5:21 PM

    SHUT UP!

    Jurassic Park was a wonderful film.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The_JollyNovember 5, 2007 at 7:57 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The_JollyNovember 5, 2007 at 8:06 PM

    Oh god!! your telling the guy who has studied paleontology/geology that Jurassic Park was a good movie!!!
    It was so scientifically inaccurate that my ears bleed while I watch it. Watch out for the tiny dilophosaurus. They were actually about three times the size of a Utahraptor...which was the raptor portrayed as velociraptor in the movie. Velociraptors were only 3-4 ft tall and covered in feathers! Also T-rex was a lumbering behemoth impossible of reaching speeds of 35 miles per hour! GAH! And don't get me started on Jeff Goldblum...he has LaBoof beat in terrible actor department any day of the week.

    I could keep going...but I

    ReplyDelete
  6. _J_November 5, 2007 at 11:13 PM

    I don't think you understood Jurassic Park.

    Jurassic Park is about how dinosaurs are awesome, and raptors can jump and open doors and be "clever girls".

    It was also about how thunderstorms make everything slightly spookier and how human beings oughtn't play God, because sometimes Newman will fuck up the computer system.

    ReplyDelete
  7. MA17November 6, 2007 at 1:33 PM

    You know that scene in Jurassic Park where the main cast is taking the park ride in the jeeps for the first time, and after a few disappointing stops with no dinosaurs visible, Goldblum asks the camera something like "you do plan on having dinosawyers on your dinosawyer ride?"

    For Jurassic Park to suck like Transformers sucked, they would have had to cut to the control room and had Samuel Jackson say "NOPE, MOTHERFUCKER" and then the rest of the movie would have been about teen-related problems and featured a much more robust hacker subplot and little else. And maybe a jive-talking dilophosaurus.

    ReplyDelete
  8. _J_November 6, 2007 at 3:07 PM

    They would also have needed a fat black hacker guy whose brother plays DDR. And when confronted with conflict the fat black hacker would eat a plate full of doughnuts.

    Because he's fat, you see.

    ReplyDelete
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