THEY have intricate and arcane plots. THEY know how to manipulate. THEY might well NOT want you to watch movies on the phone.. just to be annoyed by the thought of it.
Basically, They're Hydra and Baron Strucker Will RULE THIS WORLD!
The scene shows the house of HERACLES in the background. There enter two travellers: DIONYSUS on foot, in his customary yellow robe and buskins but also with the club and lion's skin of Heracles, and his servant XANTHIAS on a donkey, carrying the luggage on a pole over his shoulder.
XANTHIAS Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master, At which the audience never fail to laugh?
DIONYSUS Aye, what you will, except "I'm getting crushed": Fight shy of that: I'm sick of that already.
XANTHIAS Nothing else smart?
DIONYSUS Aye, save "my shoulder's aching."
XANTHIAS Come now, that comical joke?
DIONYSUS With all my heart. Only be careful not to shift your pole, And-
XANTHIAS What?
DIONYSUS And vow that you've a belly-ache.
XANTHIAS May I not say I'm overburdened so That if none ease me, I must ease myself?
DIONYSUS For mercy's sake, not till I'm going to vomit.
XANTHIAS What! must I bear these burdens, and not make One of the jokes Ameipsias and Lycis And Phrynichus, in every play they write, Put in the mouths of their burden-bearers?
DIONYSUS Don't make them; no! I tell you when I see Their plays, and hear those jokes, I come away More than a twelvemonth older than I went.
XANTHIAS O thrice unlucky neck of mine, which now Is getting crushed, yet must not crack its joke!
DIONYSUS Now is not this fine pampered insolence When I myself, Dionysus, son of-Pipkin, Toil on afoot, and let this fellow ride, Taking no trouble, and no burden bearing?
XANTHIAS What, don't I bear?
DIONYSUS How can you when you're riding?
XANTHIAS Why, I bear these.
DIONYSUS How?
XANTHIAS Most unwillingly.
DIONYSUS Does not the donkey bear the load you're bearing?
XANTHIAS Not what I bear myself: by Zeus, not he.
DIONYSUS How can you bear, when you are borne yourself?
XANTHIAS Don't know: but anyhow my shoulder's aching.
DIONYSUS Then since you say the donkey helps you not, You lift him up and carry him in turn.
XANTHIAS O hang it all! why didn't I fight at sea? You should have smarted bitterly for this.
DIONYSUS Get down, you rascal; I've been trudging on Till now I've reached the portal, where I'm going First to turn in. Boy! Boy! I say there, Boy!
I TOTALLY wanted a hump-based dvd player on Eyeore.
Dude was way too grumpy. A quick bit of Psych on the screen, a bit of Dule running in abject terror or giving the look at someone? and he'd be right as rain.
You are such a fuckass.
ReplyDeleteDid you just call me a fuckass? You can go suck a fuck.
Oh, please, tell me Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?
.. Oh No! What is he doing? It must be someting bad that actors call breaking!
ReplyDeleteAh hah hah hah!
That was a good episode.
ReplyDeleteWhy do they want me so badly to watch movies on my phone?
ReplyDeleteTHEY have intricate and arcane plots. THEY know how to manipulate. THEY might well NOT want you to watch movies on the phone.. just to be annoyed by the thought of it.
ReplyDeleteBasically, They're Hydra and Baron Strucker Will RULE THIS WORLD!
Well shits.
ReplyDeleteThey profit from that, too.
ReplyDeleteWater rights were one of the first things they grabbed as they moved around the board.
"Why do they want me so badly to watch movies on my phone?"
ReplyDeleteThat is a fantastic fucking question.
Remember when phones were for talking to people not within your immediate proximity?
They're just running with it aren't they?
ReplyDeleteRemember when you needed a dedicated calculator to graph with?
ReplyDeleteSadly, you can't have it both ways.
It's analogous to asking why people need cordless phones in the house.
It's an intentionally aggravating dipshit.
ReplyDelete"Remember when you needed a dedicated calculator to graph with?"
ReplyDeleteAnd a mule to get into town, yes.
But no one ever thought, "Hey, what if I could get this mule to play movies?"
Because mules are not for watching movies.
Scene
ReplyDeleteThe scene shows the house of HERACLES in the background. There enter two travellers: DIONYSUS on foot, in his customary yellow robe and buskins but also with the club and lion's skin of Heracles, and his servant XANTHIAS on a donkey, carrying the luggage on a pole over his shoulder.
XANTHIAS
Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master,
At which the audience never fail to laugh?
DIONYSUS
Aye, what you will, except "I'm getting crushed":
Fight shy of that: I'm sick of that already.
XANTHIAS
Nothing else smart?
DIONYSUS
Aye, save "my shoulder's aching."
XANTHIAS
Come now, that comical joke?
DIONYSUS
With all my heart.
Only be careful not to shift your pole,
And-
XANTHIAS
What?
DIONYSUS
And vow that you've a belly-ache.
XANTHIAS
May I not say I'm overburdened so
That if none ease me, I must ease myself?
DIONYSUS
For mercy's sake, not till I'm going to vomit.
XANTHIAS
What! must I bear these burdens, and not make
One of the jokes Ameipsias and Lycis
And Phrynichus, in every play they write,
Put in the mouths of their burden-bearers?
DIONYSUS
Don't make them; no! I tell you when I see
Their plays, and hear those jokes, I come away
More than a twelvemonth older than I went.
XANTHIAS
O thrice unlucky neck of mine, which now
Is getting crushed, yet must not crack its joke!
DIONYSUS
Now is not this fine pampered insolence
When I myself, Dionysus, son of-Pipkin,
Toil on afoot, and let this fellow ride,
Taking no trouble, and no burden bearing?
XANTHIAS
What, don't I bear?
DIONYSUS
How can you when you're riding?
XANTHIAS
Why, I bear these.
DIONYSUS
How?
XANTHIAS
Most unwillingly.
DIONYSUS
Does not the donkey bear the load you're bearing?
XANTHIAS
Not what I bear myself: by Zeus, not he.
DIONYSUS
How can you bear, when you are borne yourself?
XANTHIAS
Don't know: but anyhow my shoulder's aching.
DIONYSUS
Then since you say the donkey helps you not,
You lift him up and carry him in turn.
XANTHIAS
O hang it all! why didn't I fight at sea?
You should have smarted bitterly for this.
DIONYSUS
Get down, you rascal; I've been trudging on
Till now I've reached the portal, where I'm going
First to turn in. Boy! Boy! I say there, Boy!
http://classics.mit.edu/Aristophanes/frogs.html
ReplyDeleteThe best fart jokes come from antiquity.
ReplyDeleteDude.
ReplyDeleteI TOTALLY wanted a hump-based dvd player on Eyeore.
Dude was way too grumpy. A quick bit of Psych on the screen, a bit of Dule running in abject terror or giving the look at someone? and he'd be right as rain.
.... Can you autotune The Frogs?
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