I Hate Gift Cards.

Since the year is ending and Christmas is upon us I think it sensible to craft a Christmas Public Service Announcement, fulfilling both my obligation to write something Christmasy as well as my obligation to accumulate some number of hours of public service before the year ends. So without a needless amount of ado...

Gift Cards: STUPID.
a rant.

1) Gift Cards are a scam.
The reason companies sell gift cards is to boost their sales and enable a greater accumulation of profits. Say you buy a $50 gift certificate to Best Buy and give it to Chuck. Chuck now "has" $50 which can only be spent at Best Buy. The problem? Nothing Chuck wants costs exactly $50. So either he will utilize the gift card in addition to his own money to purchase a $50+ item (generating greater profits for Best Buy) or he will use the $50 card to buy an item which costs, say, $47.86 and then either throw the card away (wasting the $2.14 remaining on the card) or Chuck will carry the card around until his next purchase so that he can spend the remaining sum of money.

In all scenarios Best Buy, not Chuck, wins. Either Best Buy obtaines $50 plus whatever Chuck Pays, Best Buy gains $2.14 which is never spent, or Best Buy obtains whatever Chuck spends on his next visit the purpose of which is to burn off the remaining "money" on the card.

2) Gift Cards are not Thoughtful
Gift Cards are actually anti-thoughtful, they are the negation of thoughtful. A thoughtful gift is the purchase of vodka for someone who enjoys vodka (provided that the recipient is not a non-functional alcoholic). A gift card lowers the bar of personal understanding from "I know you wanted this particular CD from this group you enjoy" to "You can probably find something at Best Buy."

Even if we were to grant the assumption that purchasing a Best Buy gift card somehow indicates an understanding of the person for whom the card was purchased we must remember that Gift Cards are, in fact, a scam. A Best Buy gift card limits an indivual and possibly requires that they spend their own money to obtain the "gift".

Additionally, a Gift Card does not indicate that one has knowledge of the person for whom the card was purchased. A Gift Card can be a last minute purchase as one stands in line at the checkout incapable of finding a true gift. If one receives a Best Buy gift card this does not mean that the purchaser sought out Best Buy but rather it means that at some point in time the purchaser was at Best Buy and bought the card.

3) Gift Cards are a Pain to use
Have you ever tried to return something purchased with a gift card? It does not work. Has your wallet ever been overflowing with gift cards which you tote around in the hope of eventually spending that $2.14? Have you ever had the magnetic strip malfunction, the card reader malfunction? Gift Cards are an incredible pain and burden on the user. If only there were an alternative, a useful currency accepted at all stores which left no burden or restriction on the recipient. Is there such a gift? There is!

3) Cash, dumbass
Cash is the greatest non-gift gift a person can receive. If one truly has no thought of what to purchase and no specific gift in mind then cash is the perfect solution. Cash can be used at any store at any time. Cash can be absorbed into one's supply of economic resources to buy items, food, pay bills, etc. Cash says, "I respect you enough to not limit your choices or burden you with plastic." Cash shows that one thinks the recipient responsible, diverse, and mature enough to accept the gift for what it is. Also, one can fold $50 bills into wicked awesome paper airplanes or very tiny $50 cat hats.


So, remember. If you cannot think of an actual gift to purchase for a friend or loved one give cash. Becase cash does not suck.