Saturday, June 26, 2010

Something Something 3DS [chat]

So, the Nintendo 3DS. It makes things appear to be three-dimensional. So that's...kind of neat, right? It's...another dimension. And we've only ever had two.

It's kind of like...imagine that you've spent your entire life Pressing A to swing a sword...but now...imagine this...but NOW in order to swing that sword you shake a piece of plastic. I mean...that would be amazing; there is no way that would be stupid.

I mean, imagine Mario in 3 dimensions. It's like taking having to stand directly under a block in two dimensions...and then adding another dimension. There's no way that would be a fucking pain in the ass, right?

85 comments:

  1. I like that one of the launch titles is going to be a new version of Nintendogs.

    Because if there is one thing the world needed it's more fucking nintendogs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. yeah - the 3DS is stupid,

    but so is nintendo. They did not talk about a single new thing. just more rehashes. i want a reason to unpack my wii.

    but that is never going to happen. Now Sony and MS is jumping on the completely needless motion control.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's true; "login" is not a verb.

    "log in", however...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I want the 3DS to not be stupid.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Man.. for all of what you're saying,

    Nintendo is fucking printing money by doing their own thing, and watching the consumers flock in and find what works for them out of it.

    Don't tell me Starfox 64 in 3D port doesn't do it for you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sometimes the free market favors things which are stupid.


    I really want the 3DS to be freaking sweet. I really want developers to be able to utilize the technology to compliment their game designs rather than design to the technology. I want the 3DS to offer developers something new with which to be creative, and not place them in a technological stranglehold where, now, they have to add some new feature to pokemon battles to require the three-dimensionality.

    But, I mean, Wii.

    I would like to say that the Wii was a fluke, that motion control was a fluke.

    But i'm pretty fucking sure that in the version of pokemon for the 3DS? At some point I'm going to have to turn the DS in order to look behind a tree in order to see an item.

    Not because it enhances gameplay.
    Not because it is entertaining.
    But because developers feel they have to do something stupid in order to make me remember that I'm playing on a 3DS.

    ReplyDelete
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  8. i would much rather have a new game than a port or rehash. I am over it.

    also, i think that star fox thing was a tech demo, i do not think there were any specific games.

    and also, i cannot see 3D and those glasses give me migraines. not that one has to wear glasses to see the 3D, but i thought i would just say that again.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh man, that is a lot to work with.

    "and also, i cannot see 3D"

    - Ping-Pong must be difficult for you.

    - Thank Christ you're not a quadriplegic. If you were, you'd find fault with stairs simply because you can't use them.

    Just had to get those out of my system.

    My understanding of the situation, per arguing with Roscoe last night, is that the 3D slider allows the 3D to be turned off. So, presumably, there will be games which offer, but do not require, 3D. So, the "I do not like 3D" part is somewhat...possibly ignorable given that the 3D can be turned off. Or at least the system itself will not always give you brain babies.


    I am happy that Nintendo is making a new handheld system. Mostly because the 3DS has a better graphics chip and, if I've read correctly, has processing power comparable to the Wii. Plus, internal, removeable storage will allow DS games to function as PSP games do, whereby one can upload save files and download save files, removing hours of tedious gameplay from the goal of finishing a game.

    So, yey new handheld. I hate that there are three cameras in the damn thing, but I can live with that.

    My main concern is that, again, 3D will pigeonhole developers by making them feel as if they have to use it or else they've done bad. Or, it will create a nonsense requirement that games have to use it.

    Remember that one Castlevania game for the DS? Where in order to be all "zomg touch screen" they made you draw a fucking seal in order to...either do particular attacks or capture particular souls or something. Anyway, you're going along just fine and then, for no discernable reason, suddenly you have to draw a pentagram on your DS because IT HAS A TOUCHSCREEN SO WE'RE GOING TO MAKE YOU TOUCH IT, ASSHOLE.

    That's the kind of shit which makes me hate new technology.

    Because you damn well know that some game on the 3DS will be completely normal, but every now and then you'll have to turn the 3DS in order to look around a corner or some shit.

    Utilize the technology when it is necessary. Ignore the technology when it is irrelevant.


    Also, since i'm bitching? It was fucking bullshit that the first version of Mario Party for Wii required that one lift the Wiimote to roll dice, instead of just letting us press a.

    ReplyDelete
  11. "i would much rather have a new game than a port or rehash. I am over it."

    I kind of like the idea games I enjoy being ported to handheld systems. Kirby's adventure was fucking rad, and when they ported it to the gameboy advance that was like, a version of fucking rad that I could carry around in my pocket.

    I endorse carrying things I like in my pocket.

    Also, $1,000 says that in the possible world in which they port Final Fantasy 7 to the 3DS, and update the graphics, and make Tifa 3D? That possible-world-Mikey is jizzing himself stupid with glee.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Everyone sucks at ping pong.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Brock was good at ping pong and he couldn't see in 3-d

    ReplyDelete
  14. In other Scott Pilgrim news: Edger Wright got nintendo to let him use the music from zelda for a dream sequence.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh, i fucking called that dream sequence.

    ReplyDelete
  16. In related news, this conversation is one of the many, many reasons why I adore Spinoza:

    Person: So, where do ducks come from?

    Spinozist: Well, if you have an adequate idea of the eternal nature of God...

    ReplyDelete
  17. God, Ladybird was such a bitch.

    In related news: It is difficult to write when one has "Tik Tok" stuck in one's head.

    ReplyDelete
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    At the moment I am sitting here, eating a stalk of celery.

    And it's pretty fucking terrible.

    ReplyDelete
  19. People lose weight eating celery because its so terrible the body refuses to digest it.

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  20. The only good thing Celery ever did was to get ground up and put in Old Bay.

    And that's questionable, honestly.

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  21. Celery is pretty god damned awful, yes.

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  22. But, with a satisfyingly stringy crunch.

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