Saturday, August 4, 2007

So, I'm pretty drunk...

But the point still remains....



WHY THE GOD DAMNED MOTHER FUCKING HELL WASN'T 'FINAL COUNTDOWN' ON GUITAR HERO 80S EDITION?!?!?!?

COME ON YOU GREEDY FUCKING SHIT CODDLING ASSHOLE REAMING PIG FUCKING MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!! IF YOU CAN PUT FUCKING ASIA ON THE DAMNED GAME THEN YOU CAN GOD DAMNED WELL PUT EUROPE ON THE GOD DAMNED GAME!!!! "OH MY FUCKING ASSHOLE SHITS, EUROPE ONLY HAS THAT ONE RIFF AND THE GUITAR SOLO!" SO. FUCKING. WHAT?

I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO ENSURE THE RETIREMENT OF EVERY MEMBER OF THE BAND. FUCK, I DON'T EVEN GOD DAMNED MOTHER FUCKING SHITHOLE EATING COCK GRABBING CARE IF YOU HAVE TO ENSURE THE RETIREMENT OF EVERY LAST PERSON ON THE GOD DAMNED EUROPEAN CONTINENT. IF YOU'RE RELEASING A GOD DAMNED 80S EDITION OF A GAME YOU FUCKING PUT 'FINAL COUNTDOWN' IN THE GOD DAMNED GAME! YOU KNOW WHY? YOU FUCKING KNOW WHY YOU MONEY GRUBBING SHIT CODDLERS? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?!??!?!?! YOU DO IT BECAUSE...


IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!

Things that are True

The Best Quotes from reviews of the film Bratz


It would be hard to find another film that so nakedly, unambiguously celebrates the cancers of contemporary culture, from rampant consumerism to new-technology mania to the tarting-up of teen girls to bubblegum pop to My Super Sweet 16. Finally, a movie it'd almost be disrespectful not to text your BFFs during. (Suggested message: "OMG this movie iz da bomb. LOL! Az if!!!") This is why the terrorists hate us.

To the Bratz, individualism is only cool as long as it doesn’t require unfashionable pants.

Instead, the movie’s veneer of inclusion — the hottest guy in school is also deaf — fails to hide some egregious racial stereotyping (the Latina Brat inexplicably shares her home with a mariachi band) and a script that wants to have it both ways. It takes a certain amount of genius to stage a derisive spoof of MTV’s “My Super Sweet 16” while enthusiastically aping the very materialism it promotes.

Week Opening Lowl - [chat]

cary loled.jpg

Friday, August 3, 2007

Mauled to death.

A man was mauled to death at the home of Ving Rhames by 4ish dogs on Friday. The dogs were "mastiffs".

Which once again makes me raise the question, "How could someone lose a fight to a dog?" Because I don't understand it.

Even assuming that this guy had 4 dogs on him, how does one lose that battle? The dangerous part of a dog is its snout, and these are not indestructible objects, or even objects which are difficult to avoid. If the dog remains on all fours and goes for your legs is it not difficult to remove the animal from your legs. If the dog has reared and is jumping to go after your face it has exposed its doggy underbelly, which, again, is not indestructible. So I really don't understand how a person could loose to four snouts.

My theory is that what makes people lose in these situations is the idea of the attacker being a dog and so they hesitate or try to not directly address the problem.

And this is assuming that the person does not have a pocketknife or collapsible button. Which, in my mind, is an instant "I win". I don't think people should hurt puppies, but if the puppy is trying to kill you I don't think it would be that difficult to make it stop.

I made a button...then another.

To the Hanover Campus Community

Today marks one month in office as President of Hanover and I wanted to give you an update on events taking place during that time. I expect to be writing to the campus on a regular basis and I hope you won’t get tired of hearing from me and start deleting my all campus messages!

I have met with all administrative staffs and physical plant and housekeeping staffs in small groups and next week will finish up with the faculty small group meetings. But this will not end your opportunity to talk with me. I am planning to have open office hours twice a month in different buildings on campus when anyone who wants to can drop by for a conversation. I will have soft drinks and snacks to entice you to stop by!

You have seen the announcement about the all campus meeting for the entire staff on Wednesday, August 29th from 3:00-5:00 in the Brown Campus Center Dining Room. I realize it is a bit unusual to actually close offices for a meeting but this will only happen once and for only two hours. I think it is important to have the entire campus community at this meeting to begin the year and I look forward to setting goals for the year with you. By now you have also been notified of the all campus picnic scheduled for Saturday, September 1 after the home football game at the Shoebox. This will be our first opportunity to welcome back our students to campus and will be a very important kick off to the year. Families are invited, in fact, encouraged. I think students like to see families and kids because it makes them feel at home. I will be talking at the all campus meeting about why it is so important for you to show up to the picnic and I hope you will come and bring your family.

I have already mentioned to the campus that we need all your help and ideas about enrollment. I want to thank those of you who have already responded with ideas in emails and conversations. I am considering all ideas carefully and keeping them for future discussion with the cabinet. Some of the ideas have already been implemented.

Besides these two all campus events we are also planning a community open house on October 6th to welcome the local community onto the campus and thank them for their support over the years. You will receive more about this in the mail. All of these events are an effort to build a strong sense of community on campus and in our surrounding area. That will be very important to our future.

We are also starting an aggressive marketing campaign. We will have a full page color ad in Time, Newsweek, US News, and Sports Illustrated. A preliminary version was already published without the complete ad so the magazines are printing them again in August. Watch for them. We have also been selected as one of 25 campuses to be highlighted in a PBS special that will be hosted by Hugh Downs. Each campus will have a several minute feature about some topic on education and get to highlight their campus. We are guaranteed 400 national showings. The TV crew will be on campus the weekend of Homecoming and we will be asking for your involvement. The admissions office is working with an admission consultant to review all our strategies and to increase communication with prospects. I will also ask that each of us become a promoter of Hanover and convince one student to come here. As you talk with friends, family, and colleagues around the country, don’t forget to mention why their children would get an outstanding education here!

In the past month, I have found dedicated employees, supportive alumni, trustees who care deeply about this campus, and on the part of everyone I meet, a true desire to make Hanover College an extraordinary place. Mike and I have enjoyed meeting with folks so please say hello to us when you see us on campus. We truly feel a part of the community and look forward to all the exciting events and times together.

Sue DeWine
President

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Guitar Hero III Tracks

I know Adam is not down with spoilers, so i will put a link here and thoughts in the comments

Racism Evil 5?

So Resident Evil 5 information has been floating around lately, and for those not in the know, RE5 takes place in Africa, and as you might imagine, features the slaying of African zombies. People have since been talking on the internet about the game's setting and premise. Some point out how racist it is to have a white guy gunning down mindless black people, while others are quick to remind us to replace "people" with "zombies" and insist that since the other RE games were pretty much all about killing white zombies, it's ok to shoot the black ones, too.

There's an analysis of the bits of information available to us now here, in which the author suggests that the game may well be the result of racial anxiety, and compares the T-Virus (the fictional infection which causes zombihood) to the real problem of AIDS. I hasten to mention that it's far too early to accurately predict what Capcom is planning on doing with its zombies in Africa game, but it's interesting to me to see how people are reacting to a percieved flaunting of a taboo, and what on Earth that taboo even means.

A few years ago I attended a talk about the nuclear holocaust, after which the floor was opened for questions and some students wanted to talk about the Jewish holocaust, which somehow lead us to talking about slavery in America. It was as if a dispute had subtly broken out over whose people had suffered more, and I think the complaints about RE5's zombies being black is just a part of that same conversation. There's so much said about how terrible it is that certain races are being killed that nobody bothers to mention that those being killed are all people (or in this case, zombies).

By making a huge stink, and in doing so suggesting that the issues raised by killing black zombies are more important than those of their white counterparts is, for the lack of a better word: racist. That's not to say that there's no reason to question Capcom's motives or to discuss the implications, but I object to the focusing in on only one aspect of a stuation to the exclusion of the big picture and its myriad other aspects. My hope is that questions about RE5 will lead to questions about all the other games, and maybe someone will come up with something profound.

Russia be flag plantin'

OH NO THEY DIDN'T!

Russia plants flag on sea floor at North Pole

A Russian expedition traveled Thursday in a pair of submersibles more than four kilometers under the ice cap and deposited a Russian flag on the seabed at the North Pole, making a symbolic claim to vast fields of oil and natural gas believed to be beneath the sea north of the Arctic Circle.


Damn Communist Flag Planters!

Consistency

With regard to organization I think that consistency is objectively beneficial. Once one realizes the reasons for which one would organize a group of things one also realizes why consistency with regard to this organization is beneficial. If tools are organized alphabetically, except for one, then that one tool will not fit with the organizational structure and as a result is itself flawed or else shows a flaw in the reasons for which one would organize in the manner in which things are organized.

Given that with regard to organization consistency is beneficial I think that it follow that anything based upon this organization must also be consistent. So if on a website there were menus or pictures or file structures based upon this organization they, too, must be consistent.

Given all that, why the fucking hell am I constantly asked to change shit so that it doesn't fucking fit the design of the god damned mother fucking site? "OH MY FUCKS! WE IS GOTZ A NEW TEH TOOL! PUTZ IT EVERYWHARE!"

Once a structure has been established we STICK WITH THAT FUCKING STRUCTURE! We don't change shit. And if SHIT NEEDS TO BE CHANGED then we change the structure. We don't just fucking LOB SHIT wherever we DAMN WELL PLEASE based upon the direction in which the wind blows.

Jesus H. Christ in a Chicken Basket I FUCKING HATE this shit. PICK A STRUCTURE AND GO WITH IT!

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

All is bridge is falling down.

Minneapolis bridge collapses during rush hour

That can't be good.

"Psych" is fucking stupid.

The premise of this show is asinine. From IMDB, "A novice sleuth (Roday) is hired by the police after he cons them into thinking he has psychic powers that help solve crimes."

Except the only way one can understand WHY he pretends to have psychic powers is to see the first episode, where he pretends to be psychic to avoid some sort of conflict I don't remember. Then for some reason they build an entire series out of, "This one time this guy lied and said he was psychic so that he wouldn't be punished for this thing we don't remember, and now he has to continue to perpetuate the lie or else they'll retroactively punish him for whatever he did or maybe didn't do in the first episode that he somehow rectified by pretending to be psychic."

What a solid foundation upon which to build.

**Update**

The least they could have done is write a theme song that would explain the situation. Because if you're going to have a show with an asinine premise the least you can do is write a song to play before each episode to remind viewers of why this is happening. Something like:

This one time something happened
For reasons we don't know
So now he pretends to be psychic
Cause that's the premise of this show

He could probably just explain himself
And the problem would go away
But then the show would vanish
And none of us would get paid

So sit your ass down and watch it
Or we will cause you pain
Or, if you like, grab a beverage
While we sing the refrain

Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill!

This guy pretends to be psychic
When, actually, he's not
It's the best we could come up with
Why, what have you got?

Dule Hill is kinda funny
And the jokes are sometimes good
But the premise is retarded
Don't change the channel, though you should

The show is gonna start soon
Cause the song is almost done
He fucking pretends to be psychic
Man, how can that not be fun?

Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill!

We added some more verses
Because the credits are pretty long
We fucking hate this show
And we fucking hate this song

It's a USA original
Which means that it sucks ass
If a friend suggests that you watch it
We suggest that you pass

Ok, the credits ended.
So this song can now stop
Shawn Spencer should be castrated
Dule Hill should not

Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill! Dule Hill!

The Onion Didn't Suck Today

Lately the Onion has been boring and predictable but while reading an article about "Sousaphone Hero" which was also predictable, there was a link to something awesome. For the weak of heart and stomach, tread lightly.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007


This is my new Dog!!! She is a 3 month old chocolate lab!!!

:-)

26,000 Peacekeepers to Darfur

The U.N. is sending 26,000 peacekeepers to Darfur to be on the ground no later than December 31st.

Surely this will fix everything.

The Great Firewall of China

Here is an interesting article about China's ability to prevent its citizens from accessing all of the tubal interwebs.

Lynn Hall Parking Lot Maintenance

Good Afternoon,

Due to maintenance the parking lot behind Lynn Hall will be closed tomorrow morning. Parking should be available after 11:00am tomorrow. Sorry for any inconvenience.

Thank you,

Rupert Murdoch buys Dow Jones.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.

All is not for hidin. All is for trash.

This is something neat that happens every once and a while when you are the sort of person to whom people come with their computer problems. I had the following conversation just now.

L: Jay, it says that I need to delete things from my mailbox. What does that mean?
J: It means that you need to delete some things.
L: Like, from my Deleted Items?
J: Yes. Just right click on your deleted items folder. Yes...that folder. Now right click on it. Ok, now select "Empty Deleted Items".
L: Will that delete all of my deleted items?
J: Yes.
L: I can't do that. I need some of them.

THE FUCK?

The deleted items folder is not your super-secret bin wherein you keep valuable information and necessary files. It's where you put DELETED ITEMS! It's where you put SHIT YOU DON'T NEED ANYMORE. The same goes for the Recycle Bin and the Trash can in your home. These are not your personal storage areas, the cheeks to your proverbial squirrel. These are refuse containers. Putting an item into such a container signifies that the item is not necessary, that it is trash, that it may depart from this realm of existence and cause no one consternation in-so-doing.

I can understand not knowing what the system32 folder does. That name is not clear to a layperson. But "Trash"? "Deleted Items"? Come on.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Panda Poo for Fun and Profit

Step One: Make Panda Shit into Paper Weight
Step Two: ???
Stop Three: Profit!!!

FBI and IRS Raid Ted Stevens Office

ted_stevens_lol

Full story be here LAWL!

Mitt Romney Hates Snowmen.

Mitt Romney Hatses your snowmen:

"You know, I do think that there is a degree of respectfulness that ought to be associated with the process of selecting a nominee for each party, and I think from what I’ve heard that, that, that level of respectfulness was breached, you know I don’t that it makes sense to have people running for president, answering questions from, posed from snowmen. Uh, so, with things of that nature, I’d look for a format that’s a little more, uh, a little more respectful if possible."

I'm sure this will end well for him and won't lead to the creation of any new youtube videos about him.

Noah's Ark, Creationism, and Labradoodles.

Noah's Ark, Creationism, and Labradoodles are, I think, three ideas that work very well together to explain some of the problems with the ideas maintained by your average Dipshit Q.* Creationist.

The first labradoodle was bred in 1989 by Wally Conron who was, we can assume, the sort of person who would try to get minature poodles and Labradors to have sex. Since Labradoodles did not exist until 1989 and since the events of Noah's Ark occured before 1989 (presumably) we can conclude that Labradoodles were not on Noah's Ark. Additionally, we know that Wally Conron, not God, bred the first Labradoodle in 1989.

So we know that the Creationist idea that, "Every species that exists always has existed, so there." is demonstrably false due to Labradoodles. We also know that the idea that, "All animals that exist now were on Noah's Ark, so there" is also demonstrably false due to Labradoodles. Additionally we know that it is possible for species which at one time did not exist to come into existance via breeding, as was the case with the Labradoodle. In other words, the Labradoodle evolved from the breeding of two other types of animals. So the notion that evolution does not occur can also be shown to be demonstrably false due to the Labradoodle.

So maybe all we needed to do was send that schoolboard in Kansas a Labradoodle. At the very least it would have been fun to have watched them try to explain it away.

* The Q also stands for "dipshit".

"Attempted exorcism ends in man’s death"

This is why you don't let amateurs perform exorcisms.