Saturday, August 1, 2009
Jonathan Alter: Sarcasm + Health Care
Jonathan Alter does sarcasm well.
I'm with that woman who wrote the president complaining about "socialized medicine" and added: "Now keep your hands off my Medicare." That's the spirit!
Why should I be entitled to the same insurance that members of Congress get? Blue Dogs need a lot of medical attention to treat their blueness. I'm just a regular guy and definitely deserve less.
I had cancer a few years ago. I like the fact that if I lose my job, I won't be able to get any insurance because of my illness. It reminds me of my homeowners' insurance, which gets canceled after a break-in. I like the choice I'd face if, God forbid, the cancer recurs—sell my house to pay for the hundreds of thousands of dollars in treatment, or die. That's what you call a "post-existing condition."
Friday, July 31, 2009
What the fuck is wrong with Iowa?
I assume that you heard of that poll in which Jon Stewart was named America's most trusted newscaster. But have you actually seen the poll? 65% of Iowa's vote went to Katie Couric; that is the only state she won.
What the fuck is wrong with Iowa?
Health Care and Capitalism
If you have not read yesterday's The YAD Guide To Health Care Reform go read it now as this rant is something of a reply to it. I will wait while you read. Ok.
The problem with the YAD article is that it portrays private health care companies as the bad guys, the villains in the debate. The difficulty with that argument is that private health care companies, in fucking people over, are playing the game correctly; they are not in the wrong. Why? Well, read the definition of capitalism:
Capitalism typically refers to an economic and social system in which trade, industry and the means of production (also known as capital) are privately controlled and operated for a profit.You see the problem, yes? Well, if not, I'll give you a hint: read the last three words of the definition.
The objective of the game of capitalism is to turn a profit. The objective is not to keep people alive, to keep people healthy, to care for one another. The objective of capitalism is to turn a profit. So private health insurance companies in fucking you over, in battling a government option, are playing the game; they are not in the wrong.
This debate is not about health care. The debate is between the government and private industry, socialism (or an approximation thereof) against capitalism. According to the rules of the game of capitalism if you cannot afford health care then you fucking die. Attempting to make that not the case, to care for individuals who cannot afford to care for themselves, fundamentally opposes the primary objective of capitalism: profit.
So when the YAD article says something like (actual quote time)
And the best part? All this fucking? All this death and bankruptcy? It all exists for one reason. So that a bunch of assholes at the head of companies like United HealthGroup can make more money in a week than you will make in your entire life.I take issue with the classification of heads of companies as "assholes". A capitalist, acting like a capitalist, in a capitalist society, is not an asshole; they are simply playing the game correctly. It is nonsensical to expect capitalists to pay for your mother's health care costs if doing so would harm their ability to turn a profit.
Now, we can say that a capitalist is an asshole if we undermine the objective of capitalism. The problem is that in undermining the objective of capitalism (profit), we undermine capitalism itself. And while undermining capitalism is fine the problem comes in distinguishing which industries can be capitalist and which industries cannot. What is the different between a privately owned health care company and a privately owned yacht manufacturer? To a capitalist? There is no difference. To a human being they are quite different.
The health care debate is not about health care; we are not arguing the merits of private insurance against a public option. The argument is capitalism against socialism, profit against care. So, if we do not like private health insurance let's not fault private health insurance. Instead, let's fault the fiery chasm from which private health insurance came: Capitalism. It's the point made in the YouAreDumb article:
You know who the ideal health insurance customer is? Someone who starts paying premiums at 18 and gets run over by a bus, killed instantly, at age 30.A capitalist wants people to die instantly at 30. A human being, presumably, does not want everyone to die instantly at 30. So, maybe, instead of trying to get the completely inhumane system to behoove human beings we need to utilize a system which, you know, behooves human beings.
Faulting a capitalist for not caring if you live or die is like faulting a cupcake for being a small cake. Or like faulting Enchanted Arms for being a RPG with a linear storyline.
I <3 that comic. Capitalism sucks dick.
The Moonwalk is fucking nuts
How the fuck do people do shit like this?
I found instructions online for how to do the moonwalk. I found videos explaining, step by step, how to do it. I found a fucking Time Magazine article which explains how to moonwalk. I understand what the movements are; it is incredibly simple. But I cannot fucking do it.
All one does is walk backwards by sliding the balls of one's feet across the floor; anyone can do that. So why is it so difficult and why does it look so awesome?
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Twilight Rifftrax: Shit Damn Twilight is Stupid
If you want to understand what it feels like to watch Twilight: The Movie, then there is truly no better approximation of the experience than the Conservapedia page for Twilight. From the Conservapedia page:
When seventeen year old Bella Swan moves to Forks, Washington she meets Edward Cullen - a perfect, smart, and dashing guy. She soon falls in love with him, but there is a complication - Edward is a vampire. He is one of seven "vegetarian" vampires residing in Forks. Though the Cullens choose to live off of animal blood rather than human, Edward finds that Bella's blood is incredibly potent to him. Edward must find a balance in order to love Bella without harming her.
The pacing, riveting depth, compelling narrative, and intricate story structure found in that paragraph capture, exactly, the Twilight Movie. Bella and Edward fall in love. Why? No one fucking knows; it just happens. Yet this love is not perfect as, "there is a complication". You're darn tootin' that there is a complication; quite a complication, indeed. For, you see, Edward is a vampire, and this complicates things.
I watched the movie twice, with Rifftrax, for two reasons. The first is that someone else paid to rent the movie and fuck if I'll ever rent it again so I thought it sensible to utilize the movie while I had access to it. The second is that I thought, perhaps, that a second viewing would provide a bit more depth to the film. If I knew what to look for maybe I could find it.
The problem is that looking for depth in Twilight is akin to looking for God in reality. You might want it to be there. Definitionally, one can argue that it needs to be there to explain phenomena. But in the end it simply is not there.
The Rifftrax for the movie are all that make watching it tolerable. The pre-movie sequence is, perhaps, the greatest pre-movie sequence of any Rifftrax. There are a high number of quality LOL points. And while Twilight is a vapid romp through tedium the Rifftrax sparkle through like a vampire standing in a sunbeam.
Below one may find a 10 minute clip of scenes from Twilight with the Rifftrax overlaid. I hesitate to embed it in this review for fear that after watching it one will not purchase the Rifftrax and watch the full movie. However, in the end I think that embedding this clip is akin to leaving a loaded gun in a toddler's playpen; I bear no responsibility for what happens.
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