Happy Valentine's Day, Suzy

Fuck subtlety.

On a Valentines Day.

Since today is Vawentine's day I wanted to write something vawentine related. There is a Newsweek Article about Wal-Mart now selling Wet, a sexual lubricant, and how retail chains are starting to stock sexual lubricants and, in some cases, vibrators of various makes and models. While that is in some ways vawentine related (what with the fucking) it didn't really spark that necessary hate required to write a rant.

Then I read this:

"In Alabama the laws take the ban one step further. All stores, including specialty stores, are barred from selling vibrators because of a 1998 law prohibiting distribution of devices that provide genital stimulation. Breaking the law is an offense that can bring up to a year in jail and a $10,000 fine. It's a penalty that rivals that for illegal gun ownership in some states."

That's the stuff.

Why would there be a law prohibiting the distribution of devices that provide genital stimulation? Ignoring the question of how one defines such a device (what constitutes genital stimulation?) why would any such device be deemed detrimental to society? Why is it problematic? Whence the illegality of masturbating?

Because that's what the law is about: masturbation. Prudish dipshits may think that sex and, by relation, masturbation is "icky", that putting a vibrating object on one's vagina is "yucky". But in what way is it illegal? Who does it harm? How is it harmful to society?

On that same note how is homosexuality harmful to society? Whence the desire to make it illegal? If someone wants to use a dildo how is that problematic? If a man wants a penis to be placed into his anus how is that problematic? Hell, if two people really want to shit on each other what's wrong with that?

Provided that ample lubrication and flexibility exist no actual harm comes from consentual anal sex, from masturbation. We can certainly fabricate a moral view in which such acts damage one's soul, one's mental or psychological well-being, but, again, these are mere fabrications. They are not representative of actual things but merely ideals we create. If one makes the claim that penises ought to only ever be placed inside vaginas there is no foundation for such a claim. They are only saying things with which other ignorant people agree.

If you do not want to buy a vibrator or have homosexual sex then, fine, go nuts. But don't tell others that they oughtn't or try to prevent them from doing so. Because you're just being intolerant and stupid.

But wait, you say. Isn't it a slippery slope? If we allow homosexuality, masturbation, dancing doesn't that also mean that we must allow pedophiles to fuck non-consenting children? If we allow for the sale of vibrators mustn't we also legalize and mandate prostitution?

No, you jackass. First of all, slippery slope arguments are asinine and nonsense. Second of all, shut up.

Vawentines day is primarily a Hallmark Holiday created by retailers to promote slacking February sales. But so long as it exists and things are on sale we might as well take advantage of the capitalist idiocy and try on this day to communicate to someone special to us that we appreciate them, that we enjoy their company, that to us they are an awesome and meaningful individual without whom our lives would be far less enjoyable.

So, Happy Vawentine's Day.

Go fuck something.