George W. Bush: Goodbye To You

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George W. Bush G20 Hand Shaking

You know, I dislike George W. Bush. I disagree with him on pretty much everything and think that, as a human being, he fails on more than one level.

But it's one thing to attack a person's positions. It's one thing to critique a person's job performance. It's one thing to critique a person's lifestyle. It's one thing to objectively assess an individual's intelligence. It's one thing to dismantle one's ideologies via logic, rational thought, and empiricism.

But making fun of a guy for not being popular with world leaders? Mocking a guy for his social status? Saying that the President of the United States is like "the guy with cooties"?

That's pretty god damned low. It's like a new degree of juvenile.

I'll call George W. Bush a cocaine addicted dolt whose lack of intelligence is matched only by his inability to clearlly articulate a thought. But I'm not going to make fun of him for not getting a handshake at a gathering of world leaders.

That's just mean.

SNL: Bush Endorses McCain

A vote for John McCain is a vote for George W. Bush.

John Bush is his own man

Hey, he fucking said it...not me.

9/11 McCain 9/11 Bush 9/11

Bush to invoke 9/11 as reason to elect McCain

President Bush will tell Republicans on Tuesday night that the aftermath of the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, means voters must elect Sen. John McCain of Arizona as president “to protect America.”

Speaking Tuesday by satellite and relegated to a less-visible slot before the national broadcast networks begin covering the action, Bush will then offer McCain as the only candidate who understands “the lessons of September 11, 2001,” according to excerpts of his remarks released in advance.

HEY! HEY, YOU! 9/11! MCCAIN! 9/11!!!!

YOU WILL DIE IF YOU DON'T VOTE FOR MCCAIN!!!!!! 9/11!!!

Bush Likes What He Sees [chat]

This image is already everywhere in Internet, but this is the sort of stuff we started this blog for.



hoo-ray Bush. We have best president evar!

Bush Lifting Offshore Drilling Ban

Despite the fact that we cannot drill our way out of our current energy crisis President George W. Bush will this afternoon lift the Executive Order ban on offshore drilling. While no drilling can occur unless Congress lifts its own ban this move by President Bush is still frightening and misguided.

Four dollars a gallon is not an unrealistic, exorbitant, unmanageable price for gasoline. Hell, I pay upwards of $60 a gallon for Vodka. Yes, when we were in high school gas was only $.99 a gallon. But if we abandon that historical perspective and rather objectively assess the price within the scope of our present economy? $4 is not a lot of money for a gallon of a necessary liquid. The problem is that we as a species are engaged in a shift in our infrastructure from cheap energy to expensive energy; so we're needlessly pissing ourselves stupid rather than simply adapting. That lack of adaptation is what infuriates me more than anything else.

Somehow humanity has convinced itself that it exists independent of the world in which it lives, that despite our knowledge of the price of gas, its limited nature, and our inability to drill ourselves out of the problem people still buy SUVs and waste their money on needless extravagances. People are still mowing their lawns with gas-powered mowers. Yet we seem willing to destroy the environment and grasp at straws out of that fundamental desire to maintain normalcy.

That's what I do not understand about this whole situation. We want this unending supply of cheap fuel so that we can maintain our current economic philosophy of buying stupid shit simply because we can. We don't want to grapple with discovering a new source of fuel. We'll just buy a hybrid car and use the money we save on other stupid shit. We're simply remaining complacent with what we have and attempting to whine and bitch our way via drilling, ignorance, and half-assed compromises to a continuation of the way things are.

And it doesn't make sense.

The problem is not the environmental issues, the political issues. The problem is not even the idea that we have to drill our way out of this mess. The real problem, the true dilemma, is that we've managed to entrench ourselves in this happy little fabricated view of normalcy as a house and a car and two kids and a dog that we're so addicted to it, so unwilling to compromise and adapt that we're completely unwilling to accept a change in our situation. We would rather dig in, drill in, and cling to this illusion of perpetual gasoline and our Beaver Cleaver idealized little Ziplock existence rather than change.

That's the wholly bizarre aspect of this whole situation. We're not striving for zero emission automobiles or, hell, even abandoning automobiles for something better. We're not striving to embrace far more rational economic policies and, say, stop buying stupid shit. We're not striving for anything. We're merely wallowing in this normalcy of gasoline addiction and middling cars with adequate gas mileage. Hell, at last week's G8 meeting they agreed to halve emissions by 2050. That's not change, not striving, not grasping or engaging. That's foisting the responsibility off on someone else.

I'm not necessarily hoping for an awakening of the proletariat. I'm not envisioning a future in which we stop wasting money on pets and movies and reach a peak of mutual enlightenment; I don't imagine that we'll embrace the reality of our situation and so establish a harmonious existence with the world in which we live.

I just think it would be keen if people who bitch about the price of gas would stop mowing their lawns with gas mowers; I think it would be awesome if we embraced marginal change and adapted rather than dig in and bitch until the last possible moment. And at the very least if we could stop blatantly, wastefully, wrecking the planet with this gluttonous, slothful lurching through our own moronic, lazy addiction that would be just fucking dandy. Let's at least drill efficiently and rationally, in a loose sense of the word, rather than just open up the Outer Continental Shelf out of a hope that doing so will compell the fuckheads to vote for McCain.


Aside: I've looked at Bush 41's Executive Orders and Clinton's Executive Orders but could not find the Offshore Drilling ones.

Bush: Jobs > Environment

The Bush administration on Friday rejected regulating greenhouse gases blamed for global warming, saying it would cause too many job losses.



Fuck the environment. Fuck the atmosphere. Fuck the planet. We need jobs, god damn it. We'll breathe stocks, eat nickles, and shit tax returns!

The Childish Dissent

In a 5-4 decision the Supreme Court ruled today that "foreign terrorism suspects held at Guantanamo Bay have rights under the Constitution to challenge their detention in U.S. civilian courts," that Habeas Corpus does still glimmer, albeit dimly, over the shadow of our modern times.

Five to Four.

Four Supreme Court Justices dissented, voted against this most basic, obvious right. John Roberts, Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas each voted that prisoners, individuals, human beings cannot challenge their detention. They did not vote against the release of the prisoners. The did not vote against the aiding, the abetting of prisoners. They did not vote against the glorification of prisoners. No. They voted against the right of these individuals to simply challenge their detention, the right of these individuals to walk into a United States civilian court and demand proof, evidence, or merely ANYTHING that could justify their imprisonment.

And so we must ask upon what did they base this decision, what clairvoyance aided their assessment?

Scalia said the nation is "at war with radical Islamists" and that the court's decision "will make the war harder on us. It will almost certainly cause more Americans to be killed."

Please.

What evidence, what proof is offered to support this position? What rational argument is its base? Americans will die if terrorist suspects held without proof, evidence, or charges are allowed to challenge their detention? From what laughable realm of fiction does this fear mongering come? In what Nation was Scalia born, raised, educated? Whose history did he learn? Whose values did he adopt?

On March 23, 1775 when Patrick Henry stood before the Virginia House of Burgesses and proclaimed "I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!" was his sentiment dishonest, baseless? Is "Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils." mere rhetoric? Is Anthony Kennedy's statement that "The laws and Constitution are designed to survive, and remain in force, in extraordinary times" false?

What are we as a nation, John Roberts, Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas? In what do we believe? Is our legal system little more than the means by which we achieve short-sighted, ignorant, fear-based goals? Do we really want to take a machete to the Constitution and reassemble it with Elmer's Glue, scotch tape, and blind fear? Are you seriously terrified that if Osama bin Laden's former driver has access to a U.S. civilian court we'll all die?

Upon hearing the decision President Bush said "We'll abide by the court's decision. That doesn't mean I have to agree with it."

Of course you don't agree with it, Mr. President. You're disdain for the Constitution is abundantly clear at this point. But John Roberts, Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia, and Clarence Thomas? Whence the fear these Supreme Court Justicies have for freedom, for rights, for the law? Are they truly so divorced from reality, from history, that the patriotic declarations of our history move neither their minds nor their hearts?

"Give me liberty or give me death!"
"Live free or die!"

Perhaps some still understand the sentiment of these declarations: that it is better to die than to live in tyranny. But for others, for the weak-willed cowards of John Roberts, Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia, and Clarence Thomas these are little more than hollow reminders of a chivalry long lost and a history quickly forgotten. To them these quotes are delusional. More apt would be a cry that we are mere children perpetually trembling at the notion that the driver of a car could enter a courthouse and be treated like a human being.

"The nation is 'at war with radical Islamists' and that the court's decision 'will make the war harder on us. It will almost certainly cause more Americans to be killed.'"

Please, Scalia. Did you write that statement while cowering behind your mother afraid that the big, bad Islamo-fascist caricatures were going to get you? Or do you actually believe your own tripe?

Resign your posts and retire to your cribs, Scalia, Roberts, Alito, Thomas. We have no use for frightened children on the court.

Missile + Satelite + George W. Bush

U.S. to launch missile at broken satellite

President George Bush has decided to use a military missile launched from a U.S.Navy ship to attempt to bring down a broken spy satellite expected to hit the Earth in early March, senior officials said Thursday.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

He thinks he is Wile E. Coyote now.

Faith Based Idiocy

On Tuesday President George W. Bush spoke at the Jericho Progam about his past alcoholism saying:
"I understand faith-based programs. I understand that sometimes you can find the inspiration from a higher power to solve an addiction problem."

Certainly such a statement will be inspirational to recovering heroin addicts and drug dealers, possibly the only people to whom W is inspirational anymore besides Fox News anchors. But there is a difference between inspirational and sensible. To whom does this world view make sense?

With regard to addiction, faith doesn't actually do anything. The individual is the one who stops drinking, stops taking drugs. As W said, all faith does is provide "inspiration". If an alcoholic thinks that they cannot overcome their dependency on their own the belief in a higher power can provide them with the required inspiration, motivation, and sense of not being alone to overcome their addiction on their own.

The problem, for me, is that drunk W laying sodden, inebriated, and alone on the floor actually is alone when he cries out to invisible sky daddy. Invisible Sky Daddy is just a fabrication (spoiler alert). What makes W stop drinking is not invisible sky daddy but rather W.

It's sort of like how when a child stops using training wheels a parent will hold them upright on the bike. Then as the child moves forward the parent lets go and the child, under the assumption that the parent is holding on, stays mounted on their bike. The child is fully capable of keeping the bike upright. At the onset, though, they required the illusion of assistance to assure them of their ability. Of course, in the inebriated W scenario there never was an invisible sky daddy parent figure holding the bike of sobriety; it was always only ever W.

So why bother including the fabrication of invisible sky daddy? The individual is the one who overcomes the addiction. Whence the necessity for the illusion of assistance? Why not just accept reality, deal with it, and throw the bottle away?

Because that is what actually happens regardless of what delusion one embraces along the way.

Bush's Final State of the Union

Tonight is Bush's Final (!!!) State of the Union address. If you care to post your predictions in the comments they would be welcome.

My predictions:
-Two mentions of "9/11".
-Six mentions of "war on terror".
-A gross exaggeration of how helpful these stupid $600 checks will be.
-One mention of aids in Africa.
-One token mention of Darfur.
-One reminder that he has a year left in office.
-72% of the way through the speech a rabbit will wander in and Bush will scamper over to it, fall to his knees, and cuddle with the beast so crushing its neck in a very Of Mice and Men fashion.

Bush's $800 solution.

So we all know that stocks are falling, the fed cut rates by 3/4 of a percentage point, and the word "recession" is as common on CNBC as "Islamofascist" is on The O'Reilly Factor. And if you don't know these things then I'd suggest you stop reading and go back to calmly huming to yourself as you remain ignorant of the world in which you live.

For those of you still reading, however, I would like to offer a piece of advice: Don't let George W. Bush fuck things up any worse than they already are. Because "fucked up" is exactly how things will be if W enacts his little, "I'll fix the economy by giving everyone $800, huyuck." strategy.

And I don't need to understand economics to know this. I simply need to understand George W. "when history was written the final page will say" Bush. If motherfucker can't understand the differences between past, present and future tense then motherfucker can't understand the economy. If only because the tense system is very simple and economics is incredibly complex.

What is that $800 supposed to do, anyway? Let's say that everyone in the United States had an extra $800. Ok. How does that fix the housing market? How does that fix loan rates and energy costs? What is it supposed to do? Everyone in the United States pays off $800 of credit card debt and those of us without credit card debt (financially responsible pricks) put $785 into our savings account and use $15 to pay our World of Warcraft bill for a month.

Problem solved?

The $800 will not actually do anything. It's not even an illusion of a solution. It's simply W's attempt at an economic reach around while he fucks us in the ass so that dipshits say: "President gave me $800. He's a good leader. Huyuck."

Fix the god damned problem and stop trying to assuage your constituents. And if we're hurting for money? How about we end the damn War on Terror. That would probably free up a few billion dollars and severely decrease the amount of money we're borrowing from other nations which may very well increase the value of the dollar overall and so stimulate some positive economic growth.

That is, if we actually want to fix the problem. Which at this point is a premise based upon a mere assumption.

Optimistic.

Last week it was "news" when Bush said he was optimistic about the economy despite, you know, reality. Today it is "news" that Bush is optimistic about his Mideast peace treaty despite, you know, reality.

NEWSFLASH: Bush is always optimistic!

Ok? It's not news. In all situations George W. Bush will always have unaccountably high levels of ditch-fucking-stupid optimism. ALWAYS.

War in Iraq? Optimism. Economy? Optimism. Global Warming? Optimism. MidTerm elections? Optimism. Howard Dean is standing behind him with a spiked dildo and a ball gag? Optimism.

This is not to say that optimism itself is detrimental or problematic. It can be useful to have an optimistic attitude. The problem is when baseless optimism is the manner by which decisions are made. "I'm sure the economy will turn around." is not a strategy. "I'm sure there will be peace in the middle east." is not a plan; it is not a basis for making decisions or determining policy. It is a comment about an attitude, a viewpoint.

It is also not informative. "I'm optimistic about the economy" says not one god damned thing about the economy. When George W. Bush says that he is optimistic it does not mean that he knows something; that he is informed and upon that information is based his viewpoint. No. He's just always fucking optimistic.

So stop fucking reporting Bush's optimism. It is in all ways meaningless. It does not give us a basis by which we can guess at what will come. It does not give us facts. Reporting Bush's optimism is merely reporting that our jackoff stupid president is still, in fact, jackoff stupid.

Fuck, if planes were headed towards the World Trade Center? Bush would still be optimistic. Though, in that case, the resulting catastrophe would give him something to exploit. So maybe in that one particular case his optimism is well-founded and useful.

If only for himself.

When Fascism Comes to This Country, It Will Be Wrapped in the Flag Carrying a Cross.

In response to Mike Huckabee's Christmas ad a quote was used by Ron Paul:

"It reminds me of what Sinclair Lewis once said. He says, 'when fascism comes to this country, it will be wrapped in the flag, carrying a cross.' Now I don't know whether that's a fair assessment or not, but you wonder about using a cross, like he (Huckabee) is the only Christian or implying that subtly."

When Fascism Comes to This Country, It Will Be Wrapped in the Flag Carrying a Cross.

What does that mean?

It means that the people are fooled by misdirection. It means that the concern of the people is not for truth or the betterment of humankind but rather their focus is on the mundane, their concern is for their own well-being. The people care about invisible men in the sky and zygotes and celebrities and television programs and the terrorist bogeymen who, incidentally, are not a threat to us or our way of life.

The true threat is not those conveniently labeled as enemies, the vilified caricatures of evil who shake their fist at us from across the ocean. The true thread is ignorance, complacency, fear. The only thing we have to fear is, in fact, fear itself. The Real Enemy is, in fact, those who would use our fear against us, who would steal the freedoms for which this country was created and replace them with the illusion of security.

When Fascism Comes to This Country, It Will Be Wrapped in the Flag Carrying a Cross.

The greatest threat is the enemy in plain sight, the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing. The doltish leader who trashes our rights in exchange for illusions and rhetoric. The zealot whose allegiance is to an invisible man in the sky and not to us, the people.

There will not be a torrent of gunfire or the flash of a great bomb. The true threat is the one noticed too late, the wound that slowly festers. Suspension of a right here, construct a secret prison there, manipulate one political institution at a time. Dominoes slowly fall one into another, rights disappear in the name of security. Meticulously, one at a time.

And then it is too late.

When Fascism Comes to This Country, It Will Be Wrapped in the Flag Carrying a Cross.

It will wear a red sweater as it sits before a Christmas Tree wishing you a Merry Christmas (vote Huckabee). It will wear an American Flag pin upon its lapel as it assures you that you are safe (but could be safer).

Undeniably it will greet you with a warm smile, offer you its hand, and tell you all you wish to hear.

When Fascism Comes to This Country, It Will Be Wrapped in the Flag Carrying a Cross.

Count on it.

Freedom isn't Free.

President Bush addressed the nation last night regarding his, I mean Petraeus', assessment of the Clustefuck in Iraq. The address was filled with the usual rhetoric, lies, and "if we leave Iraq your children will die" terrorism. But there was one section that made me fall off the couch laughing, and then frightened me. Here is the quote:

Earlier this year, I received an e-mail from the family of Army Specialist Brandon Stout of Michigan. Brandon volunteered for the National Guard and was killed while serving in Baghdad. His family has suffered greatly. Yet in their sorrow, they see larger purpose. His wife, Audrey, says that Brandon felt called to serve and knew what he was fighting for. And his parents, Tracy and Jeff, wrote me this: We believe this is a war of good and evil and we must win even if it cost the life of our own son. Freedom is not free.

President George W. Bush actually said, "Freedom is not free." while addressing the nation. That made me LOL. But what frightened me is the content of the letter he read: "We believe this is a war of good and evil and we must win even if it cost the life of our own son. Freedom is not free."

Think about that. George W. Bush: cocain addict, idiot, linguist, President has actually convinced people that
1) They ought to sacrifice their children to his war.
2) The Clusterfuck in Iraq is a "war of good and evil".
3) We must win. And that he, or anyone, has an idea of what "win" means.

Fuck "terrorists with a dirty bomb". This is terrifying. The fact that rhetoric is more convincing to people than facts, statistics, and historical precedent. The fact that someone who thinks "misunderestimate" is a word can also rhetorically convince a family to sacrifice their son to his war. And the fact that six years after 9/11 people are still head-up-their-ass terrified that the people who didn't attack us will attack us.

Jack Thompson supoenas George W. Bush.

Jack Thompson is an idiot. But this one made me lol:

"Jack Thompson has filed documents with a federal court in Florida requesting to subpoena President George W. Bush for a deposition to retain Thompson’s license to practice law."

Resent Stories about Jenna Bush

While people are scattered to the winds this weekend (GenCon, moving, etc), I cannot let this story slip between the cracks.

This afternoon the White House announced that on the President Bush's daughters Jenna Bush was engaged to be married. What amazing lovely news this is. The last time a sitting president had a kid get hitched was way back in 1971, when Nixon accounted that is daughter was getting married. (a side note, the next day the Washington post began to print the Pentagon Papers)

It did not take long for those evil bloggers to jump on the story. Wonkette began by running a story (with pictures) arguing that Ms. Bush was totally knocked up. How awesome when a a 6 year old joke from the Onion turns to to be true?

Colonoscopy

"President Bush to have colonoscopy; Cheney to take temporary control"

It's true.

Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

July 6th, 2007 is George W. "Decider" Bush's 61st birthday. This is a day to look at the good things happening for our president.

1) Neither of your daughters have been knocked up yet, despite their great efforts to make this not the case.

2) Commuting I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby's sentence was a legal action on your part! Unlike the warrant-less wiretapping, the firing of the U.S. Attorneys, the abduction of "Enemy Combatants" and their imprisonment at Gitmo, the actual leaking of Valerie Plame's name, all of your cocaine use, lying to the public about the link between 9/11 and Saddam, and that time you kicked Barney.

3) According to the latest CBS poll your approval rating is 27%. But, only about 54% of Americans who are eligible to vote actually vote. So since your 27%, presumably, both endorse you AND voted for you we can safely assume that 50% of the voting public thinks you are doing an excellent job!

4) In the recent Supreme Court rulings the conservative side of the court won a majority of times, thanks to your handywork!

5) Iraq is a complete mess, Republicans are splitting with you and calling for a change of strategy or complete troop removal, and Democrats are in a majority of the House and Senate. But, lucky for you, all of these people are, in fact, a ball-less group of worthless shitheads who won't actually fucking DO anything.

6) Carl Rove, Dick Cheney, and Alberto Gonzales will never, ever, have to answer for anything they have done. And when you finally leave office you will all ride off into the sunset together back to your retard killing, environment destroying, immigrant absorbing homestate of Texas.

Happy Birthday, Mr. President! Enjoy that new golf bag!