Romney's Transition Site

Someone managed to find and screenshot Romney's Transition Website, before it was taken down.

Nice to glimpse into that possible world that shall never be actualized.

President Obama 2012

Fuck you, Mitt Romney.

Fuck.  You.







Also, FUCK YOU, Romney supporters.

Election 2012: We are Fucked

Back in 2008 I posted fairly regularly about the election.  I wrote about primary coverage, tracked poll development, and genuinely felt compelled to lend my voice, such as it is, to the clamor of opinionated nonsense on the tubal interwebs.

This election?  Not so much.  You don't care why, but I'm going to write about it anyway.

In 2008 President Obama handily defeated McCain.  53% of the popular vote.  365 Electoral Votes.  And he fucking won Indiana.  This year, Nate Silver has projected President Obama to get around 315 electoral votes, and the popular vote promises to be closer.

This indicates that we as a Nation, as a people, are fucked.  Not so much because President Obama's novelty has worn off, but rather because people are fucking voting for Citizen Romney.  There are human beings, some 45%+ of the voting public, who look at Citizen Romney and think, "Yeah.  That guy.  That guy should be in charge."

"What," I ask, "THE FUCK!?"

Who the fuck, who fucking looks at that shit and thinks he's presidential material, that he has leadership qualities, that he is in any way qualified to make decisions that impact the lives of the general populace?  What self-hating dolt considers a leader of Bain Capital to be the sort of person to safeguard our general welfare?

Yeah.  Mitt Romney.  He'll take care of us.

BULLSHIT.

George W. Bush was an idiot.  A C-average cokeheaded moron.  But at the end of the day I can understand his folksy appeal.  To be honest, I wouldn't mind getting drunk with George W. Bush.  I don't want him to have the nuclear fucking launch codes, but I'd do a line with him at a strip club.

Romney, though.  He doesn't even have personable.  He doesn't have charm.  You wouldn't want to have a beer with him.  You wouldn't want to talk to him.  Moreover, he has no genuine positive attributes that could foster a rational compulsion to support him.

There is no good reason to vote for Mitt Romney.

Really.

Here's the three reasons why people vote for Romney.  You can ask anyone.  Go find a Romney supporter.  Ask them why they are voting for Romney.  Their reason will fit into one of these three categories:

1)  They're rich.
2)  They're racist.
3)  They're stupid.

That's it.  There is no other reason to vote for Romney.

You have millions of dollars?  You're voting out of fiscal self-interest.  You think President Obama is a worse president that William Henry Harrison?  Congratulations, you're a fucking racist.  Or you think that zygotes have rights, jobs > environment, or you believe that anything Romney has every said belies anything more than the fact that he thinks saying it will result in getting more votes?

You're just fucking stupid.

When McCain ran against President Obama, I could at least pretend that McCain supporters saw some of those old Daily Show interviews, and then ignored everything McCain had ever done while not talking to Jon Stewart.  Or, hell, they wanted Palin to be Vice President out of a desire to get more glimpses at her tits.

I could rationalize someone supporting McCain.  The thought was salvageable.

Romney, though.

You can't fucking...there's no fucking...no god damned process by which one can get support for Romney up and running.  To put one's mentality into such a state that Romney is appealing does severe damage to one's self-conception.  It fucking breaks your fucking imagination.

I'll imagine I'm Rupert Murdohgoditburns.

That Obama is a niggereallyican'tevenfinishthis.

Maybe zygotes have feeletmediepleasejustfuckingkillmenow.

You can't do it.  Romney supporters are so fucked in the head, at such a fundamental level, that it is impossible for a sane individual to grasp whatever malevolent shit infests their mind.

And they walk among us.  That's the other thing.  When you're at the super market (not Whole Foods, but any other market) someone near you has a thought in their mind that prompts their pulling the level next to Citizen Romney's name.

They're out there.  We know they're out there.  And we have to try to have a functional civilization the composition of which is 45% motherfuckers who think this malevolent, heartless, manipulative liar is worth voting for:



"Hey, a dying man in a wheelchair.  I better walk the fuck away, lest I piss off some heteronormative white male."

We are so incredibly, immensely, undeniably fucked.

Paul Ryan [chat]

We live in a world in which Paul Ryan, Christian Randian Fascist, is considered to be a viable Vice Presidential Nominee.

At this point, it's probably best to just kill ourselves.

Because there is no fixing this level of fucked-upedness.


Links:
Paul Ryan Budget:  Full Text of Bill

Paul Ryan Budget:  The 'Path to Progress', with charts and shit

Numerous Reports on the Ryan Budget (CBO Report, etc.)

Hey Girls, It's Paul Ryan

Etchasketchmittromney.com

etchasketchmittromney.com

Is a site based on this:

“Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign,” Fehrnstrom responded. “Everything changes. It’s almost like an Etch-A-Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all of over again.”

Based on this, I'm going to assume that the Romney campaign produced and paid for the Real Mitt Romney Video.

The Real Mitt Romney

Yes.

Romney buys Cupcake at Cheesecake Store

Romney was in Junior's Cheesecakes, and he bought a cupcake.

He bought a cupcake. In New York. At a New York Cheesecake establishment.

I don't even...I can't...

The fuck, Romney?

The fuck?

Last Night Big Loser

Clinton lost last night. She is done. But McCain got fucked.

In the GOP primaries in North Carolina and Indiana, the basically uncontested Republican nominee did not gain more than 80 percent of the vote.

In Indiana, McCain earned the backing of 78 percent of Republican primary voters, with exited candidates Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney gaining 10 percent and five percent respectively. Congressman Ron Paul, who is still in the race, has received seven percent of the vote.

The numbers were even worse in North Carolina, where McCain won 74 percent of the vote, with Huckabee earning 12 percent, Paul earning seven percent, and four percent of Republican primary goers simply voting "no preference."

That is a lot of pissed of people who may not show up in November. McCain is in a bit of a bind. He not only has to tell people he is a maverick centrist (which is he is not). He also has to, at the same time, tell people he is a conservative stalwart. The best part is. The cameras will be on the whole time. People will figure out that he is full of shit, AND a sad lonely old man with a plastic wife.

Romney v Huckabee

Since the Republican Presidential Hullabaloo is down to McCain, Romney, and Huckabee I need to make a decision: I need to decide whether I hate Romney or Huckabee more. This is an important, possibly life changing decision which will influence the focus of my hate and scorn for weeks, even months to come. So who do I hate more? Let's get right to it.

Religion
Huckabee: Ex-Southern Baptist Minister
Romney: Mormon

My hatred of Mormonism is well known. But while Romney is a Mormon, Huckabee was a Minister. This is a very close competition but when combined "Southern Baptist" and "minister" defeat "mormon" any day.

Winner: Huckabee

Abortion
Huckabee: Opposed to abortion including cases of rape or incest. He has stated that abortion should be legal only when the life of the mother is at risk.
Romney: Opposed to abortion except in cases of rape, incest, and when the life of the mother is threatened

Huckabee and Romney both desire to overturn Roe v. Wade. While Huckabee has been a consistent Fetus Fetishizing Fuck Romney has at times described himself as "Pro-Choice", depending on the audience to whom he is speaking. Romney also allows for more situations in which Abortion ought to be legal. Since I am a baby killin' heathen I must give this category to Huckabee.

Winner: Huckabee

Guantanamo Bay
Huckabee: Guantanamo Bay is a distraction from the War on Terror
Romney: "We ought to double Guantanamo."

Winner: Romney

Iraq
Huckabee: "We have to continue the surge, and let me explain why. When I was a little kid, if I went into a store with my mother, she had a simple rule for me: If I picked something off the shelf at the store and I broke it, I bought it. I learned I don't pick something off the shelf I can't afford to buy. Well, what we did in Iraq, we essentially broke it. It's our responsibility to do the best we can to try to fix it before we just turn away."
Romney: "so long as there is a reasonable prospect of success, our wisest course is to seek stability in Iraq, with additional troops endeavoring to secure the civilian population."

I hate how Huckabee has a stupid fucking story for every one of his god damned positions.

Winner: Huckabee

Evolution
Huckabee: "I do not necessarily buy into the traditional Darwinian theory, personally."
Romney: "Governor Romney believes both science and faith can help inform us about the origins of life in this world."

Science & Faith > Faith

Winner: Huckabee

Gun Control
Huckabee: "The Second Amendment is primarily about tyranny and self-defense, not hunting. The Founding Fathers wanted us to be
able to defend ourselves from our own government, if need be, and from all threats to our lives and property."
Romney: "So I'm a hunter and believe in Second Amendment rights, but I also believe that assault weapons are not needed in the public population."

While I don't know what the second amendment is trying to say I'm pretty sure that it is not about hunting.

Winner: Romney

Misc.
Huckabee: Entrenched Creationist Fetus Fetishizing Fuck
Romney: Will tell you what you want to hear despite what he said the previous day.

I appreciate flip-flopping John Kerry-esque change more than entrenched assholeish dipshittery.

Winner: Huckabee

Those are the main categories about which I care with regard to the differences between these two candidates. So, let's get to the final result.

Final Score:
Huckabee: 5
Romney: 2

Congratulations to Mike Huckabee! You are more worthy of scorn and contempt than Mitt "The Garden of Eden was in Missouri" Romney.


...

BREAKING NEWS!
Romney to suspend his presidential bid

(narrows eyes)

Alright, Huckabee.

It is on.

Mitt Romney: Faith in America

Mitt Romney gave his "get out of Mormonism free" speech today entitled Faith in America. There is no one reaction which can be had to this speech save a blank, utterly bewildered stare as one's head slowly drifts to a side and one's mouth becomes more and more slack. So, for you, gentle reader, I present my "rant by paragraph" critique of Mormon Mitt's duck-fucking-stupid speech.

"Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God. Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone."

Just...just prove that. Actually, you know what? Don't even prove it. Just embark upon the road of proof; set your feet softly upon its well-worn soil. Take a first step. Take the smallest, the meekest, the most hesitant step possible towards proof. Try it.

"Given our grand tradition of religious tolerance and liberty, some wonder whether there are any questions regarding an aspiring candidate's religion that are appropriate."

Our what?

"We separate church and state affairs in this country, and for good reason. No religion should dictate to the state nor should the state interfere with the free practice of religion. But in recent years, the notion of the separation of church and state has been taken by some well beyond its original meaning. They seek to remove from the public domain any acknowledgment of God. Religion is seen as merely a private affair with no place in public life. It is as if they are intent on establishing a new religion in America – the religion of secularism. They are wrong."

Secularism is, indeed, incorrect. It is not a case that the lack of an established religion means that no religion, ever, ought to exist or wander into the public domain. If you desire to place your nativity scene on your front lawn and I desire to adorn my lawn with flaming pentagrams covered in goat blood then so much the better for liberty. The problem exists in the gem of, "No religion should dictate to the state".

Mitt does not believe this. Get on the google, pick a debate, and peruse the stupid shit he says. If Mitt thinks that he thinks religion and the state ought to be seperate, that an individual politican's influence ought to not come from their religious beliefs but rather an objective assessment of the world in which we live, then Mitt is a far more confused individual than his mormonism indicates.

"We should acknowledge the Creator as did the Founders – in ceremony and word. He should remain on our currency, in our pledge, in the teaching of our history, and during the holiday season, nativity scenes and menorahs should be welcome in our public places. Our greatness would not long endure without judges who respect the foundation of faith upon which our constitution rests. I will take care to separate the affairs of government from any religion, but I will not separate us from 'the God who gave us liberty.'"

Print out this quote. Do it now. Once you have printed it carry the paper on which it is printed, while wearing protective gloves, to the nearest toilet. Place the paper gently into the toilet and then, in a culmination of Truth and Right let fall onto the paper a gigantic bowel-movement of historically accurate truth.

IT'S AN EXPRESSION YOU GOD-DAMNED DOLT! It's a figure of speech. When one calls Mitt a "God Damned Jesus-raping ass-infesting tick fucker" one does not mean this literally. It is a figure of speech. It is a practice of the society in which we exist. I am not making an appeal to an actual "god", a literal "jesus", an objectively verifiable "tick". It is a colloquial phrase, an expression, something people say which has no literal meaning but rather a socially understood meaning. So to is the "under god". So too is every reference to god in the Constitution.

It's rhetoric. It's prose. It's an expression.

GOD!

"We believe that every single human being is a child of God – we are all part of the human family. The conviction of the inherent and inalienable worth of every life is still the most revolutionary political proposition ever advanced. John Adams put it that we are 'thrown into the world all equal and alike."

If by "we" you mean "not every citizen of the United States of American" then, sure. But I do not understand why an individual would use "we" if they did not, in fact, mean "we" in a universal, whole, collective sense. I do not think every single human being is a child of God. I am a citizen of the United States of American. So fuck you, Mitt.

"We cherish these sacred rights, and secure them in our Constitutional order. Foremost do we protect religious liberty, not as a matter of policy but as a matter of right. There will be no established church, and we are guaranteed the free exercise of our religion."

One little addition to the end, there, Mitt. You forgot "or lack thereof".

It's fine. People often forget things when they are stressed and preoccupied with other matters. Such as, you know, attempting to have your Mormonism and avoid it, too.

I think that is enough for now.

Fucking Mormons and their god-damned headache invoking idiocy.

Mitt Romney Hates Snowmen.

Mitt Romney Hatses your snowmen:

"You know, I do think that there is a degree of respectfulness that ought to be associated with the process of selecting a nominee for each party, and I think from what I’ve heard that, that, that level of respectfulness was breached, you know I don’t that it makes sense to have people running for president, answering questions from, posed from snowmen. Uh, so, with things of that nature, I’d look for a format that’s a little more, uh, a little more respectful if possible."

I'm sure this will end well for him and won't lead to the creation of any new youtube videos about him.