Thursday, December 6, 2007

Mitt Romney: Faith in America

Mitt Romney gave his "get out of Mormonism free" speech today entitled Faith in America. There is no one reaction which can be had to this speech save a blank, utterly bewildered stare as one's head slowly drifts to a side and one's mouth becomes more and more slack. So, for you, gentle reader, I present my "rant by paragraph" critique of Mormon Mitt's duck-fucking-stupid speech.

"Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God. Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone."

Just...just prove that. Actually, you know what? Don't even prove it. Just embark upon the road of proof; set your feet softly upon its well-worn soil. Take a first step. Take the smallest, the meekest, the most hesitant step possible towards proof. Try it.

"Given our grand tradition of religious tolerance and liberty, some wonder whether there are any questions regarding an aspiring candidate's religion that are appropriate."

Our what?

"We separate church and state affairs in this country, and for good reason. No religion should dictate to the state nor should the state interfere with the free practice of religion. But in recent years, the notion of the separation of church and state has been taken by some well beyond its original meaning. They seek to remove from the public domain any acknowledgment of God. Religion is seen as merely a private affair with no place in public life. It is as if they are intent on establishing a new religion in America – the religion of secularism. They are wrong."

Secularism is, indeed, incorrect. It is not a case that the lack of an established religion means that no religion, ever, ought to exist or wander into the public domain. If you desire to place your nativity scene on your front lawn and I desire to adorn my lawn with flaming pentagrams covered in goat blood then so much the better for liberty. The problem exists in the gem of, "No religion should dictate to the state".

Mitt does not believe this. Get on the google, pick a debate, and peruse the stupid shit he says. If Mitt thinks that he thinks religion and the state ought to be seperate, that an individual politican's influence ought to not come from their religious beliefs but rather an objective assessment of the world in which we live, then Mitt is a far more confused individual than his mormonism indicates.

"We should acknowledge the Creator as did the Founders – in ceremony and word. He should remain on our currency, in our pledge, in the teaching of our history, and during the holiday season, nativity scenes and menorahs should be welcome in our public places. Our greatness would not long endure without judges who respect the foundation of faith upon which our constitution rests. I will take care to separate the affairs of government from any religion, but I will not separate us from 'the God who gave us liberty.'"

Print out this quote. Do it now. Once you have printed it carry the paper on which it is printed, while wearing protective gloves, to the nearest toilet. Place the paper gently into the toilet and then, in a culmination of Truth and Right let fall onto the paper a gigantic bowel-movement of historically accurate truth.

IT'S AN EXPRESSION YOU GOD-DAMNED DOLT! It's a figure of speech. When one calls Mitt a "God Damned Jesus-raping ass-infesting tick fucker" one does not mean this literally. It is a figure of speech. It is a practice of the society in which we exist. I am not making an appeal to an actual "god", a literal "jesus", an objectively verifiable "tick". It is a colloquial phrase, an expression, something people say which has no literal meaning but rather a socially understood meaning. So to is the "under god". So too is every reference to god in the Constitution.

It's rhetoric. It's prose. It's an expression.

GOD!

"We believe that every single human being is a child of God – we are all part of the human family. The conviction of the inherent and inalienable worth of every life is still the most revolutionary political proposition ever advanced. John Adams put it that we are 'thrown into the world all equal and alike."

If by "we" you mean "not every citizen of the United States of American" then, sure. But I do not understand why an individual would use "we" if they did not, in fact, mean "we" in a universal, whole, collective sense. I do not think every single human being is a child of God. I am a citizen of the United States of American. So fuck you, Mitt.

"We cherish these sacred rights, and secure them in our Constitutional order. Foremost do we protect religious liberty, not as a matter of policy but as a matter of right. There will be no established church, and we are guaranteed the free exercise of our religion."

One little addition to the end, there, Mitt. You forgot "or lack thereof".

It's fine. People often forget things when they are stressed and preoccupied with other matters. Such as, you know, attempting to have your Mormonism and avoid it, too.

I think that is enough for now.

Fucking Mormons and their god-damned headache invoking idiocy.

41 comments:

Caleb said...

Faith & Politics Obama speaks on the subject.

_J_ said...

All is want transcript.

Andrew said...

Obama is so much better with thinking than romney.

_J_ said...

Both thinking and saying words are skills Obama posesses.

It is also entirely possible that he is not, in fact, evil.

_J_ said...

What I want to know is how the fuck these people can maintain that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri and that American Indians were, in fact, one of the lost tribes of Israel and not be laughed off the planet.

And even if, even if we start playing hypothetical mumbly pegs and entrench ourselves in beliefs with absolutely no foundations in objective reality or, fuck-all anything historical or reasonable where does that line arbitrarily stop? An eye can't evolve into being but Missouri (Fucking MISSOURI) can be the womb from which all human life sprang?

Really?

Really, Mormons?

Sure, we can adopt the position that these claims need not be sensible or reasonable or historical. Sure, fine. But, then, why not make up something interesting? Why not fabricate something fun and exciting?

Why throw out all of the rules and then make new rules which are as boring as the ones which were thrown out?

A little creativity is all I ask.

That's why I can appreciate the Westboro Baptist Church. They're an insane cult following their own baseless interpretation of fuck-if-anyone-knows-what Biblical passage. But you know what? At least it's interesting.

_J_ said...

It's better than golden-ass-tablets and Missouri.

Roscoe said...

No.. they just wave upsidedown canadian flags and warn us the Siege is Coming, God Hates us for being Sinners, We're allready damned to hell, but Serious, Stop doing what you're doing. You can't change your fate, it won't make God hate you less, but STOP IT, SINNER.

_J_ said...

Calvin? John Calvin?

Is that you?

Take me with you!

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