Saturday, December 19, 2009

Women Belong in [chat]

Family Guy + House

I like it very much.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Bayonetta: First Climax (The Demo)

So, Bayonetta. Google it if you don't know what it is. Stupid fuckers know how to use google, right?

Ok, good.

Bayonetta has been out in Japan for a length of time but not yet in the US. The demo is out, however, and not more than fifteen minutes ago, I was playing that demo. I had heard from other, lesser people that they felt that this game, from the machine that produced Devil May Cry (the greatest thing to happen to the PS2 in the early days of that generation) and Viewtiful Joe (the greatest thing to happen to the total?) was PANDERING to them.

I googled "pander" (stupid fuckers DO know how to use it!) just to make sure that my colloquial definition that lives in my brain wasn't too far away from what other people think the word means. I turned up some explanation about how it was yielding to others to satisfy them and that was all I needed to see. Pandering means listening to people and giving them what they want. Truly, this is a blight upon humanity.

Ok, so that definition is a bit...lacking. I would say that pandering is yielding and all that, but in an easy way that requires such little effort that it can be effectively performed by a disinterested wave of one hand.

So, hybrid definition of pandering is something about giving people what they want but without really putting a lot of work into it. In this case, Bayonetta is not pandering. Yes, it features a woman who is essentially 75% leg in a skin tight suit who (seriously) struts like a catwalking model when she perambulates, HOWEVER, there is not much about this game that says "it was performed lazily". This game would need to be a T&A conveyor belt lightly misdirecting people towards some sort of action and adventure genre at the same time to pander. I'm thinking of Dead or Alive Extreme (Beach Volley Ball (2)) here, where the purpose of the disc even existing is to get Christie into a bikini and crawling on all fours. Oh, and...uh....volleyball?

All Bayonetta needs to do to pander is have her exist. Mission Complete. Pandering is kinda boring, so I can see why people who think Bayonetta would be pandering would not be interested. But this is the guy who brought us Devil May Cry (awesome) and Viewiful Joe (So gooooood), and so it brings along a delightful action game as well. There are a surprising number of move combos that result in multitudinous animations. If I were pandering, I would not bother to do that. Besides, Bayonetta is a character who will, when provoked, roll into a head stand and then shoot angels with her gun-high-heels. That is not boring or expected.

I mean, she will pull a huge spiked wheel out of thin air, grab it by a spike and throw it at an angel, pinning it to the ground. Fucking rad. Oh, and then she spins around and kicks a spike, setting the wheel into a sort of burn-out spin, destroying the shit out of the angel below. Extra fucking rad.

Yes, Bayonetta gives you what you want. If you end the definition of pandering right there, fine, you win. Bayonetta also gives you things you didn't even know you wanted. You know sex and violence is awesome, but this game bothers to broaden your expectations. It is surprising and filled with delight. Definitely worth the free download.

I'd buy it.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

House of Agglutination Cybermanuscript Reclamation Project

Yahoo Groups doesn't seem to have a way to pull the message history of a group down in a file. So, a while ago I whipped up a dandy little .vbs so that should Yahoo ever decide to do to its inactive groups what it has done to Geocities this important set of documents might still be preserved. It took awhile to run, and copied a fair amount of wrapper html from the Yahoo page, but I believe that was skill, vigilance, and a little luck I might one day have to offer you a version free of spurious content.

For the time being, if you'd like a copy let me know (the full version is about 9 MB, I also have a trimmed one that I haven't proofed only 5 MB). The .vbs (you'll surely note my genius) is comment #1.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Diablo II goes on Sale

If you were waiting for Diablo II to go on sale, now is your chance. Below is a screen shot from today's Best Buy sale circular.