Friday, July 6, 2007

From the Island of Dr. Moreau, I Bring You OCTOSQUID!!!

Lo and Behold and FEAR!

Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

July 6th, 2007 is George W. "Decider" Bush's 61st birthday. This is a day to look at the good things happening for our president.

1) Neither of your daughters have been knocked up yet, despite their great efforts to make this not the case.

2) Commuting I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby's sentence was a legal action on your part! Unlike the warrant-less wiretapping, the firing of the U.S. Attorneys, the abduction of "Enemy Combatants" and their imprisonment at Gitmo, the actual leaking of Valerie Plame's name, all of your cocaine use, lying to the public about the link between 9/11 and Saddam, and that time you kicked Barney.

3) According to the latest CBS poll your approval rating is 27%. But, only about 54% of Americans who are eligible to vote actually vote. So since your 27%, presumably, both endorse you AND voted for you we can safely assume that 50% of the voting public thinks you are doing an excellent job!

4) In the recent Supreme Court rulings the conservative side of the court won a majority of times, thanks to your handywork!

5) Iraq is a complete mess, Republicans are splitting with you and calling for a change of strategy or complete troop removal, and Democrats are in a majority of the House and Senate. But, lucky for you, all of these people are, in fact, a ball-less group of worthless shitheads who won't actually fucking DO anything.

6) Carl Rove, Dick Cheney, and Alberto Gonzales will never, ever, have to answer for anything they have done. And when you finally leave office you will all ride off into the sunset together back to your retard killing, environment destroying, immigrant absorbing homestate of Texas.

Happy Birthday, Mr. President! Enjoy that new golf bag!

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Saga will cause me to file chapter 7

Egads... Imagine if you will a persistant RTS world, in which you can buy expansions to customize your army, an MMORTSCCG if you will. This does not bode well for my financial situation.

This is the beginning of the end.

On Pool Drains.

Pool drain rips out part of 6 year old girl's intestinal tract.

MINNEAPOLIS - A 6-year-old girl who sat on an open drain in a wading pool lost part of her intestinal tract to the drain’s powerful suction, her family said.

Abigail Taylor was injured in the wading pool on June 29, according to her family.

Her father, Scott Taylor, said the suction caused a 2-inch tear in Abigail’s rectum and pulled out much of her small intestine. Doctors had to remove the part of her intestines that remained, according to the family’s lawyer, Bob Bennett.

Abigail remained in intensive care at Children’s Hospital on Thursday and appeared to be improving, Bennett said.

She was to undergo surgery on Friday, Bennett said. “She’ll receive her nutrition through a port for the rest of her life,” he said.

Bennett said the swimming pool’s drain hole was improperly uncovered. However, the general manager of the club where the pool is located said he didn’t think anything was wrong with the pool. He referred questions to the attorney for the club’s insurance company, who declined to comment.

Several states have passed pool-safety laws after children drowned or were disemboweled by drain suction. North Carolina, for instance, requires pools to have dual drains to diffuse the force of the suction and prevent children from being trapped.

Couple of things.

1) Now she probably won't ever experience the joy of anal sex.
2) That had to be the world's worst rim job.
3) Did this hurt the pool filter?
4) Pool Drain? IT'S A TRAP!
5) Check the picture in the article. She's smiling her ass off.
6) I wonder if they made her sit in the emergency room while waiting for medical attention.

Sex and the City: The Movie?!


Hoist your Cosmos and strap on your Manolos — the "Sex and the City" movie will start filming this fall.

Kristin Davis, Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon and Kim Cattrall are set to reprise their roles from the HBO series.

The much-anticipated movie will be the joint effort of HBO and New Line Cinema, Variety reported on its Web site last night.

Fans of the 1998-2004 show have been stamping their Jimmy Choos for a movie since the series finale.

There was foreplay in that direction two years ago, but the project went limp after Cattrall insisted unsuccessfully that she get script control and a salary closer to that promised to Parker.

Sources told Variety that Cattrall is now happy with her deal, which gives her satisfactory input into her scenes, a hefty salary and a future HBO series deal.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Rock Band Video

A video of people playing "Welcome to the Jungle" on Rock Band.


They took an impossible task, and made it awesome. Now if they can make it all cost less than $200...

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

100% of Kylebrown's polled believe Transformers had too many commerci... er, pointless scenes.

Although not a terrible movie, Transformers had too many blatant advertisements and half of the film could have been edited out if Michael Bay had any sense. Too much bullshit the viewer didn't need to know nor care about.


Ways to cut out an hour of shit, to make this a movie that is good

  • I don't give a shit that the tomboy car nut love interest had a father that boosted cars nor that she has a criminal record because of it. 100% pointless.

  • Frenzy was the Jar Jar Binks of this movie. He is a cheap knockoff of Soundwave, only with goofy bits for shitty comedic value. Although, he serves a purpose in progressing the plot, they could have come up with a better way to do it, or make him less kiddy.

  • The entire movie is an advertisement for GM, and this sickens me. Enough said.

  • Because everything had to be "realistic", I couldn't figure out jack shit of what was going on in the early battles. We have surmised they basically cut out Michael Bay's hands as he played with his tranformer toys to build the early battle scenes.


There are more, but this is what comes to mind. Anyways, in summary, the movie should be cut down to concentrate the Robot Morphing goodness to a simple battle between good and evil deciding the fate of mankind. Keep in mind that this is the first time I have ever promoted cutting scenes from a movie in order to shorten, normally I am a big fan of the epic movies that include SHIT TONS of back story detail, this however is not one of them, because the backstory detail they provide is absolute shit.

Review done.


I am a Public Ally! I will be moving to Cincinnati.

now i just need to find a place to live....

On Pets

So, I've been reading about rabbits and rabbit care for the past few days as I try to decide whether or not I ought to buy a rabbit. And my conclusion from this reading is that no person, ever, should have a pet.

Reasons why people should never get a pet:

  • Animals are living things, not objects. People tend to get pets because they desire them, rather than because they think the animal to be adopted needs care. This fundamentally shifts the mindset of the person from "How can I help this animal" to "How can this animal help me?" It also treats the pet as an object, a moving plush doll or some actualization of an idealized man-cat, man-dog, man-bird relationship when in reality the animal is a living being with its own needs, most of which do not involve you.
  • You can't care for it. You, personally, can not care for an animal ideally and you will never be able to care for an animal ideally. Pets are always subject to the financial limitations of their owner as well as the limitations of the space and attention their owner can provide. Most animals, dare I say all animals, were not meant to be chained up in a back yard, kept in a cage, kept in an apartment, or kept in a glass cube full of water. These are not the ideal living spaces for these animals, so why anyone would ever place an animal into this situation willingly is beyond me. Unless, of course, they were treating the animal as an object and not a being unto itself.
  • You don't know enough. Far too many people do not read or research the animals they desire to purchase. They encounter the animal, find it to be cute, and then purchase it without thinking through the situation. One example: a majority of cat owners use clay litter, but clay litter is the least ideal compound to use for litter boxes. People do not think through the animal's life span, food needs, litter needs, exercise needs, play needs, attention needs, or lifestyle needs before purchasing the animal. Because any individual who did think through all of these would realize that they are incapable of providing for all of these needs.
  • You don't respect the animal. Human beings have a predilection for placing themselves above other life forms. People think they are better than or more advanced than other forms of life, which lead to the problems in pet care. People buy a bunny, decide it smells bad sometimes, and then toss the animal outside into a wire floor hutch because it inconveniences them. Nevermind the needs of the bunny, the needs of the human come first to the human, and the needs of the bunny, if they are ever considered, come last. This situation is compounded by people not understanding the needs of their pets or, more realistically, not caring about the needs of their pets.
  • You cannot see into the future. Animals have life spans and most do not come equipped with off switches. Some fish can live for 30 years, rabbits can live for 10, healthy dogs and cats can life for 15, Birds can live for ever. A person standing in a pet store has no idea what their own future may hold and how this future could impact their desired pet and since human beings think of their selves before others the needs of the human will always over-ride the needs of the pet. Rabbit smells bad? Toss it outside. Moving to a "NO Pets" apartment? Give the dog or cat up for adoption. Lose interest? Toss the Turtle into a nearby lake. After all, it's just an animal.

End Rant.

Its Strong!

The Gift That Keeps on Giving...

Oh the memories...

On "Libby".

In case any of you missed it, President Bush commuted the sentence on I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, saying, "I have concluded that the prison sentence given to Mr. Libby is excessive. Therefore, I am commuting the portion of Mr. Libby’s sentence that required him to spend thirty months in prison."

So, a "conviction of lying and obstructing justice in a probe into the leak of a CIA operative’s identity" results in a $250,000 fine and two years probation while the president communtes the 30 months in prison.

Also from Bush, "Others point out that a jury of citizens weighed all the evidence and listened to all the testimony and found Mr. Libby guilty of perjury and obstructing justice. They argue, correctly, that our entire system of justice relies on people telling the truth. And if a person does not tell the truth, particularly if he serves in government and holds the public trust, he must be held accountable."

Hence Bush commuting the sentence.

Happy 4th of July.

Also, if you don't know who I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby is here is a handy picture:

I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby is the one on the right who looks like a fucking dipshit who may or may not be contemplatively sucking on no less than 3 Lemon Heads.


So.. I've been thinking... and.. we need a new "God-substitute" word. Jeebus is great and all, but a bit too flippant. Not at all solemn.

I'm thinking Zod. Honest to Zod. Zod Dammnit. Meet your maker and Kneel Before Zod.

that kinda thing.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Edge Magazine Officially Voted Worst Magazine Readership of All Time By Kyle Brown


The readers of Edge Magazine were surveyed to find the 100 greatest games of all time, and the best these scrubs could come up with was Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I can almost let that slide, almost. Though it is obviously known as fact that Link to the Past is the best game from that series, by a landslide. But to prove that these people need to be put into an asylum until they can show an inkling of reasoning, I present you the rest of the top 10:

  • 2. Resident Evil 4
  • 3. Super Mario 64
  • 4. Half Life 2
  • 5. Super Mario World
  • 6. Zelda: A Link to the Past
  • 7. Halo: Combat Evolved
  • 8. Final Fantasy XII
  • 9. Tetris
  • 10. Super Metroid



7-11's all over the US are being rebranded as Kwik-E-Marts to promote SIMPSONS THE MOIVE (it comes out on July 21....and it makes me soo hot). As a part of the rebranding, they will be selling Squishees. On word on whether Apu's experimental Chutney Squishee will be one of the flavors.

edit: one read slashdot and one finds answers

Croat Chicks are Hot

This picture is from a New York Times article on a Nazi Rock concert in Zagrab, Croatia over the weekend. I guess the the crowd gave nazi salutes and the stage was decorated with nazi symbols. Oh, it was shown on the state run television station in primetime. Also, the Minster of Education saw nothing wrong with people in there teens and 20s geting their fascist one.

But what really is important is how hot the chicks are (or at least the one that the nytimes chose to put online.


Not Merely Stupid..*

Babies also lie.


No longer stopping for Squirrels.

So, the breaks on my car went out this morning. I was driving to work and a squirrel jumped out in front of me. So I slammed on the breaks to not hit the squirrel and I slowed down but at the end of my slowing, the point at which I should have stopped, the break pedal went all the way forward and felt very loose. Then I noticed that pressing on the break didn't bring about my stopping. So I coasted into the parking lot in front of St. Anne's Episcopal Church and called dad. Yadda Yadda Yadda I get to help him try to fix it this afternoon.

But I think the most important part of this story is that I did not hit the squirrel. Which is a gigantic argument against the notion of Karma. Because in not hitting the squirrel I ought to have received a bump up, and an upward bump is not "break line now leaks fluid".

When I got into work and told my boss about it he said, "Well, at least the squirrel wasn't hurt. Because then you would have to pay for the import of those very tiny surgical tools. You know, we have no deal with them." To which I replied, "Yeah, we only have a deal with the pigeons."

So let it be known that I will no longer break for squirrels. In fact, if a squirrel gets in front of my car from this point on I will speed up and veer towards it. They had their chance, and it cost me a break line. So once the Taurus can once again stop it and I shall exact our revenge by not stopping for squirrels.

Oh Humor

Dead Serious

Someone stole out Idea

Police: 2 Mugged in Flushing Cemetery
Last Edited: Sunday, 01 Jul 2007, 7:58 PM EDT
Created: Sunday, 01 Jul 2007, 7:55 PM EDT Local News
NEW YORK (AP) -- A man and a woman were visiting a cemetery when they were mugged by a shovel-wielding attacker who struck one of them in the arm, police say.
Police say the 38-year-old man received minor injuries, and he and the 64-year-old woman both lost some cash to the attacker, who took off across the Van Wyck Expressway after the incident at the Mount Hebron Cemetery.
Police say they caught up with the man after he jumped a fence into a lake inside Flushing Meadows Park and tried to hide in the weeds. He was arrested and brought to Booth Memorial Hospital for minor injuries. Charges against him are still pending.

Note to Ros: This is how one politely link a news story

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Star Wars Robot Chicken


Funny. Quite funny.


8:25:35 PM jayhaxor: Turn on TLC
8:25:44 PM thesupermikey: why?

8:25:55 PM jayhaxor: It's a show about 2 sixteen year old girls who are conjoined twins
8:26:04 PM thesupermikey: ..are they hot?
8:26:06 PM jayhaxor: I'm standing there with my mouth hanging open as I try to grasp it.
8:26:11 PM jayhaxor: Not really.
8:26:14 PM jayhaxor: It's just...
8:26:15 PM thesupermikey: damn
8:26:28 PM thesupermikey: I've got a conjoined twins fetish.
8:26:32 PM jayhaxor: I don't know how they can function...but they do....and they play sports...and...
8:26:42 PM thesupermikey: wow

Interesting and .. I think ultimately, good, read.

I dunno how folks feel about Kieron Gillen, forefather of the semi-reviled New Games Journalism, but in general, when the man writes, it's at least worth reading, even if it pisses you off..

lemme know how you folks feel after reading it..

discuss. speechify. Make with the syllables allready.