Saturday, May 17, 2008

Jenna Bush's Wetlands now open to Private [chat]

Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...

Friday, May 16, 2008

George Lucas can go Fuck Himself

"I haven't even told Steven or Harrison this," he said. "But I have an idea to make Shia [LeBeouf] the lead character next time and have Harrison [Ford] come back like Sean Connery did in the last movie. I can see it working out.


The rest of the article contains more Fuck Him Quotes.

Like Star Wars, I cannot say that I am a fan of Indiana Jones. I have seen them all, but they are not movies I go out of my way to see. I will go see the new Indiana movie at some point next week, just like i saw the Star Wars prequels.

But really, who the fuck does Lucas think he is? The only reason I even give a tiny shit about Indiana Jones is Harrison Ford. And there is no one i hate more than LeBeouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuf. No matter what Lucas things LeBeouf != Ford and LeBeouf != Indiana Jones.

No one wanted it [Star Wars: Clone Wars]," he told me. "Every studio rejected it, including Fox, and I'm very loyal to them.

You know why? it sucked on Cartoon Network, and it is going to suck in the theater. The Jig is up Lucas. You are out of goodwill. Take your big ball of money and boring ideas and go home. The sci-fi genre has grown and changed since you helped make it 30 years ago. You keep making the same tired story and the fact that you are a hack becomes more clear.

Emily's List v NARAL: Sexism is Dumb

It is an established scientific fact that women fighting is sexy due to the possibility that the women involved will tear off one another's shirts and make out. Women's Rights groups fighting, however, is not so much sexy as it is confusing and infuriating. So when Emily's List started beating on NARAL over presidential endorsements it was not a fulfillment of mankind's desire for a little BDSM Lesbianism but rather a bountiful menstrual eruption of illogical female dumb.

Here is the argument of Emily's List:
Emily's List endorsed Clinton in January, 2008 and that was fine. NARAL endorsed Obama on May 14, 2008 and that was not fine.

Yeah, I don't understand it either. But let's let Ellen R. Malcolm, president of Emily's List, speak for herself:

"I think it is tremendously disrespectful to Sen. Clinton -- who held up the nomination of a FDA commissioner in order to force approval of Plan B and who spoke so eloquently during the Supreme Court nomination about the importance of protecting Roe vs. Wade -- to not give her the courtesy to finish the final three weeks of the primary process. It certainly must be disconcerting for elected leaders who stand up for reproductive rights and expect the choice community will stand with them."

Couple of things, Ellen R. Malcolm:
1) Why the fuck was it fine for you to endorse Clinton in January but it's not fine for NARAL to endorse Obama in May?

2) NARAL's endorsement does not prevent Clinton from continuing her campaign in the hopes of getting 129.82% of all remaining Super Delegates, 160% of all remaining Pledge Delegates, or 71.68% of all remaining Delegates.

3) I'm pretty sure the "choice community" isn't a hive-minded conglomerate of unthinking bitches, much to your chagrin, but rather some pro-choice women and men support Clinton while others support Obama. Being pro-choice does not mean that one is obligated to support one particular candidate, ever. Being pro-choice means that you support pro-choice candidates.

Unfortunately I think the crux of this problem can be found in the mission statements of each organization:

"EMILY's List members are dedicated to building a progressive America by electing pro-choice Democratic women to office."

"For more than 30 years, NARAL Pro-Choice America has been the nation's leading advocate for privacy and a woman's right to choose."

Oh, that's the problem! Emily's List is sexist. Don't believe me? Check out the press releases of their endorsements:

Emily's List: "I am one of the millions of women who have waited all their lives to see the first woman sworn in as president of the United States — and now we have our best opportunity to see that dream fulfilled."

NARAL: "Today, NARAL Pro-Choice America PAC is proud to endorse Sen. Barack Obama for president. Sen. Obama has been a strong advocate for a woman's right to choose throughout his career in public office. He steadfastly supports and defends a woman's right to make the most personal, private decisions regarding her reproductive health without interference from government or politicians."

NARAL is primarily concerned with a candidate's position on the issue of choice and women's health. Emily's List is primarily concerned with a candidate's gender. And that is why the sexist, delusional, mathematically inept members of Emily's List need to shut the fuck up.

Because you know what, Emily's List? The only reason you're supporting Clinton rather than Obama is that you want a woman to be president. And it's hardly "progressive" to combat sexism with sexism.

You fucking morons.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

So, McCain is Out of His Mind

The presumptive Republican presidential nominee made both statements in a speech in which he envisions the state of affairs at the end of his first term if he is elected president:

  • By January 2013, America has welcomed home most of the servicemen and women who have sacrificed terribly so that America might be secure in her freedom.
  • Iraq is a functioning democracy, although still suffering from the lingering effects of decades of tyranny and centuries of sectarian tension.
  • Several years of robust economic growth.
  • The world food crisis ending, low inflation, and a much improved quality of life not only in our country, but in some of the most impoverished countries around the world.
  • A Social Security system that is solvent, does not reduce benefits for those nearing retirement and includes individual retirement accounts
  • Source

    I mean, he'd probably do alright in an online fantasy presidency league wherein one plots an agenda and makes shit up to facilitate arriving at one's goals. But, "the servicemen and women who have sacrificed terribly," since necromancy is primarily relegated by reality to D&D and WoW, won't likely be returning home apart from the parcels in which they are shipped. And, &c..

    Democrat Delegate Math: 5/15 @ 10:45 a.m.

    Remaining Delegates
    Super: 233

    Pledge: 189
    KY - 51
    OR - 52
    PR - 55
    MT - 16
    SD - 15

    Total: 422

    Delegates Needed to reach 2026
    Obama: 139.5
    Clinton: 302.5

    Percentages of Delegates Needed
    Obama needs either
    59.87% of remaining Super Delegates
    73.8% of remaining Pledge Delegates
    33% of all Remaining Delegates

    Clinton needs either
    129.82% of all remaining Super Delegates
    160% of all remaining Pledge Delegates
    71.68% of all remaining Delegates

    Just for fun here is some more Clinton Math:

    If Clinton receives 100% of the remaining Pledge Delegates she needs 48.71% of the remaining Super Delegates.
    If Clinton receives 100% of the remaining Super Delegates she needs 36.77% of the remaining Pledge Delegates

    Disclaimer: These totals do not include Florida and Michigan because fuck Florida and Michigan.

    edit: Here is the updated delegate count after today's announcements.

    Wednesday, May 14, 2008

    Special Comment: Bush's Unforgivable Interview

    Edwards Endorses Obama

    The video will be up once it is available. But what's important is how his speech started:

    "What am I doing here? Well...I was promised a jet ski. But I haven't got it yet..."

    Zero Punctuation: GTA 4

    200 Rant Spectacular!

    I've been waiting for this day for quite a while and it's finally here. My friends, Everyone Is A Sith has finally reached the 200 rant Benchmark! That's right, our stupid little blog now contains 200 magnificent rants.

    While the majority of our site traffic comes from the Hellgate London: Online Skill Tree post (14.3% of our site views) and the Miley Cyrus Tentacle Porn Writes Itself post (19.21% of our site views) I've long harbored the delusion that there are some who visit our stupid little blog for the rants.

    So in celebration of our 200th rant (which was this one, I think) I'd like to present a list of my favorite rants arranged in no particular order. Enjoy.

    Be a Better Ignorant Racist

    Huckabee: The Mark

    Have your milk and drink it, too. (Sophie Currier)

    Damn It, Mormons

    Born Again Virgins are Ignorant Sluts

    Fetus Fetishizing Fucks

    Oh, the memories...

    Best YouAreDumb, Ever

    Usually I just link articles in the [chat] thread because they don't deserve their own thread.

    But The Best You Are Dumb, Ever deserves its own thread.

    Because it is The Best You Are Dumb, Ever.

    So, allow me to present: Free At Last

    Guitar Hero 4 v Rock Band

    I'm very surprised that we haven't talked about this yet.

    If the Guitar Hero 4 Drum Kit is any indication then Guitar Hero 4 is going to be Rock Band. And I have no idea what happens when both Guitar Hero 4 and Rock Band are in direct competition with virtually the same product. If Guitar Hero 4 has online multiplayer and downloadeable songs (a safe bet) then...what happens? We have two versions of basically the same game? What about music rights? Can Guitar Hero 4 and Rock Band share songs? It'll be interesting if only because this will be one of the few true "Pepsi v Coke" situations of gaming.

    Personally? I really hope that the "add more drum pads" approach to one-upmanship between the two continues with each new version until we get to the point where players have to be lowered into their drum kids just like the guy from Rush.

    Also, I fucking hate Rush.

    Tuesday, May 13, 2008

    E=mc² bugs the shit out of me.

    This is what happens when I get bored at work.

    So E=mc² has always bothered me. Because what it says is that not only are Energy and Mass really mostly the same thing but also every amount of m, regardless of the type of m, contains the same amount of E. And I was pretty sure that couldn't be the case until I read wikipedia:

    So one gram of mass — approximately the mass of a U.S. dollar bill — is equivalent to the following amounts of energy:

    89.9 terajoules
    24.9 million kilowatt-hours (≈25 GW·h)
    21.5 billion kilocalories (≈21 Tcal)
    21.5 kilotons of TNT-equivalent energy (≈21 kt)
    85.2 billion BTUs

    So every gram of mass is equivalent to 24.9 million kilowatt-hours. That is pretty neat.

    So then I start to wonder why we can't just turn our dollar bills into 24.9 million kilowatt-hours. And, again, wikipedia tells me things:
    "One theoretically perfect method of conversion of the rest mass of matter to usable energy is the annihilation of matter with antimatter. In this process, all the mass energy is released as light and heat. However, in our universe, antimatter is rare. To make antimatter requires more energy than would be liberated."

    While there are some other ways of doing this it seems to be the case that to convert a dollar bill to 24.9 million kilowatt-hours one has to fully change the matter to energy, which we can't do because it's, like, really difficult.

    So with that little quizibuck settled I'm trying to figure out if Energy and Mass are fundamentally the same thing then are space and time, too, the same sort of thing. Because if Energy and mass can be fundamentally the same thing then time and space, too, would seem to have that same sort of relationship.

    WoW: The Pursuit of "Fair"

    The major point of contention between WoW players, in my experience, is based on the dichotomy between casual and hardcore players. These groups take on different labels depending on the context and particular individuals involved but I think that generally speaking the split is between those for whom WoW is a primary concern in their life and those for whom WoW is one of many hobbies they enjoy. This scenario is not unique to WoW, of course. Practically any activity will for some be primary and for others secondary. With WoW, though, the problem is the view each group has towards the structure of the game and the degree to which the game itself creates a feeling of fairness between these two groups.

    Back in "the day" the highest quality gear was only available to players who raided, which is to say players who invested a significant amount of time in group play focused on defeating the most difficult bosses in the game. This obvious lack of balance pissed off non-raiders and so, over time, new paths were created to obtaining high level, quality gear. Unfortunately the situation is such that there is still not a perfect balance between these two groups. And what I'm trying to figure out is whether or not there could or should be.

    Last Monday my guild and I spent four hours trying to defeat Archimonde; all eighteen attempts ended in failure. Last night my guild and I spent two and a half hours trying to defeat Archimonde; all seven attempts ended in failure. Now, given that the highest level bosses in the game who drop "the best" gear are so difficult that they require weeks of failed attempts to finally defeat how can the game be structured to provide equal rewards to both players willing to make this investment and those not willing to make the investment?

    That is not to say that raiders are somehow correct and that non-raiders need to stop playing. Rather, if one individual is willing to invest 6 hours a day in WoW and another individual is willing to invest 6 hours a week in WoW how can the game possibly be structured to reward these players equally?

    Let's abandon all the particulars of WoW and participate in a thought experiment. Every time you press the 'j' key you get 1 point. These points can be used to purchase items that allow you to press the 'j' key more quickly. Is it not a statement a fact that someone who spends 6 hours a day pressing 'j' will accumulate more points than someone who spends 6 hours a week pressing 'j'?

    Certainly WoW can be changed to allow multiple paths to any given end. Personally, I think that to achieve this end all items ought to be available to all players. As with the thought experiment above there ought to be one standard currency (Badge of Awesome) with which one may purchase any item in the game. Winning in PVP games, defeating PVE enemies, defeating Raid Bosses, completing quests, etc. all ought to give Badges of Awesome which can be used to purchase any item in the game. This removes all requirements on players to follow any particular path and rather allows player to choose how they want to accumulate Badges of Awesome and so purchase gear; it would to some degree create the feeling of fairness.

    But, again, will not players who play six hours a day amass more Badges of Awesome than players who play six hours a week? Would not the Badges of Awesome awarded have to reflect the degree of difficulty of any given Boss, Quest, or PVP match? Would not the player base be able to discern the most economical means by which Badges of Awesome could be amassed and simply farm the hell out of those particular means?

    Most importantly: Would WoW be as enjoyable if the particulars were removed and rather the game became little more than farming Badges of Awesome?

    FFCC: MLAAK is delightful thus far

    Picked up FFCC: MLAAK last night when I got back home. Downloaded it around midnight and proceeded to play it till 5:30 am. I would have continued to play longer but Teenie was not excited to see me still awake at such time.

    I'm sure you have all read the reviews about it and know the most basic concepts so I will just write about the things I found delightful. As a student of Ogre Battle, I understand and really quite enjoy letting my troops fight for me, so the lack of combat doesn't bother me at all. The turns seem a little short to me, as you only have a short amount of time to wander your city and allow your adventurers to do their jobs. I was overjoyed to see that the game actually tries to explain the FFCC storyline unlike the orginal's half assed attempt at story, which was very frustrating.

    The genius of the game however is that it auto saves at the end of each day, but you can't find out how your adventurers did until the next day, so it sucks you into it's cycle curious to find out how your adventurers did on their quest. When you find out how they have fared, it quickly starts you off on the next day expecting you to set up quests for the current day. You can not save until the end of the day so it continues you in this cycle of curiosity, constantly pulling you further along leaving you no chance to stop playing, thus the delightful addiction.

    Nintendo Pisses me off sometimes.

    WiiWare Space requirements

    The fucking Wii needs a fucking Hard Drive and the fucks at Nintendo are fucking stupid for not fucking including one in the first fucking place.

    I mean, how mud-fucking stupid do you have to be as a console developer to say "Let's not put a hard drive in it...but let's provide content downloads."

    Fucking brilliant.

    It wouldn't piss me off if people were't so bend-over-themselves-stupid in their defense of the system. It's like Nintendo could have released a dead dog in a box and 500,000 assholes would have flocked to stores to buy the damn thing.

    Sure, the Wiimote is novel and fun for a few days. Great. But when you compare it to what it could be given the Xbox360 and PS3 i'm really at a loss as to why someone would spend money on the fucking thing.

    I mean, how fucking apologetic can Nintendo fanboys really be? Friend Codes are stupid, but it's Nintendo, so that's fine. Brawl is just Melee again, but it's Nintendo, so it's fine. There's no hard drive, but it's Nintendo, so it's fine. The Wiimote doesn't really work that well, but it's Nintendo, so it's fine.

    I'm pretty sure at this point Nintendo could resurrect Hitler, let him loose in Jersey, and no one would mind so long as they shoved a motion-sensitive control up his ass and gave him a Mario hat.

    Monday, May 12, 2008

    Daily Show: Douglas Feith Uncut

    Part 1:

    Part 2:

    Chuck Todd says Obama has Super Delegate lead

    I like Chuck Todd. I trust Chuck Todd. So when Chuck Todd tells me that Obama has taken the lead in Super Delegates I'll believe it:

    The NBC NEWS delegate counts:
    PLEDGED: Obama 1,590, Clinton 1,426
    SUPERS: Obama 277, Clinton 276.5
    TOTAL: Obama 1,867, Clinton 1,702.5

    Obama leads in states won, popular vote, pledge delegates, super delegates, and every possible metric by which one can judge the Democratic race for president INCLUDING both speaking ability and knowledge of grammer.

    So I'm pretty sure it's time for Hillary to shut the fuck up and go home.

    Swordfish and Utilitarianism; Halle Berry is hot

    Swordfish is a terribly shitty hacker movie somewhat justified by the inclusion of a Halle Berry topless scene. Unfortunately when I watched it last weekend on TBS when nothing else was on Halle Berry was wearing a CGI Bikini in the afore mentioned scene, thus mitigating any quality the movie might have had. Despite the shitty, shitty nature of Swordfish, though, it does contain a utilitarian argument between Vincent Vega and Wolverine which has been bugging me.

    Van Helsing: How can you justify all this?
    Danny Zuko: You're not looking at the big picture Stan. Here's a scenario. You have the power to cure all the world's diseases but the price for this is that you must kill a single innocent child, could you kill that child Stanley?
    Curly McLain: No.
    Vinnie Barbarino: You disappoint me, it's the greatest good.
    Leopold: Well how about 10 innocents?
    Terl: Now you're gettin' it, how about a hundred - how about a THOUSAND? Not to save the world but to preserve our way of life.

    This quazi-philosophical interlude in the otherwise miserable movie adeptly portrays the two primary Utilitarian questions: Is Utilitarianism correct? How do we discern the greatest good?

    Is Utilitarianism correct?
    Looking at Utilitarianism in the context between Vinnie Barbarino and Wolverine I do not think there is a way to side with Wolverine and so deny Utilitarianism. If one could cure all the world's diseases by sacrificing one innocent child the obvious response is that, yes, the action is justified. The only argument against this position is that the value of the child's life is somehow greater than the value of the lives of every other human being which is, mathematically, nonsense. If the value of human lives is cumulative then certainly fifty lives are more valuable than one; it's just math. If the value of human lives is not cumulative, if fifty, one hundred, one million human lives are as valuable as one human life then it is the responsibility of one who maintains this position to support their asinine claim. If one were to attempt to bypass a discussion of "value" and rather claim that something else is the subject of our concern then, again, it is the responsibility of one who maintains this position to not only define that seemingly imaginary quality but also justify it.

    Of course, the value conversation in the above portrayal assumes that there is a finite value to every human life which is equal for all humans. It is entirely possible that, say, Ewan McGregor is more valuable than Hayden Christensen (I watched Episode III last weekend, too), depending on the criteria by which we assess "value".

    Admittedly, some biased discussions of human value can lead to problematic conclusions (zomg nazis), but I think that if we define our terms correctly and act in an objective manner we can assess the value of different groups of human beings based upon abundant sets of criteria and so formulate answers to the utilitarian question of "greatest good to the greatest number" in terms of the value of that greatest number.

    How do we discern the greatest good?
    I think this is where Utilitarianism fails. Good is subjective and allows for interpretation on the part of every individual. Additionally, good is notoriously unpredictable. Was today's Chinese earthquake good? The kneejerk response is, "Noes! Deth r teh bad!" But when we consider global population problems, food shortages, the utility of the particular people who died, the repercussions of their deaths, the architectural information gained by the collapse of buildings, the humanitarian concerns this event might draw attention to, etc. we're left with a terrifically complicated question which will take years to answer. In truth we may never know whether the Chinese earthquake was good or bad. Certainly we can maintain a position of "People died so it's bad." But that is simply moronic.

    I like Utilitarianism not necessarily for itself but rather for the conversations the idea sparks. It's fun to talk about human value, good, and utility if only because these are fundamental questions of humanity which excite and compel concerned individuals. So while Swordfish is a fucking terrible movie it does provide an opportunity for a discussion of Utilitarianism which somewhat makes up for the lack of coherent plot, character development, and the ridiculous license that movie takes with hacking.

    And, of course, Swordfish provided us with Halle Berry boobies, which are awesome.

    Sunday, May 11, 2008

    WOTLK in 10 Minutes