Saturday, January 23, 2010

Aziz Ansari [chat]

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Thursday, January 21, 2010

Masturbating Bear: 6 months, 29 days



Fuck you.

I love the masturbating bear.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Haiti Earthquake: Concern via Prepositions

When someone shits in a landfill no one cares. The shit does not somehow negatively affect the functionality of the landfill, the aesthetics of the landfill, or the overall qualities of the landfill. A landfill is, fundamentally, a cesspool full of crap. Adding shit to crap does not somehow alter the status of the crap such that attention need be paid. The landfill was a pile of crap prior to the shit; after the shit the landfill is, still, a pile of crap.

Which is why I do not understand the attention being paid to the Haiti earthquake.

Prior to the earthquake Haitians were dying of malnutrition and exposure while lying atop their piles of crap. After the earthquake Haitians are dying of malnutrition and exposure while lying beneath their piles of crap. Somehow, magically, the change in the preposition from atop to beneath has sparked a wealth of concern such that everyone seems to care now.

Except for me. Because I recognize that the prepositional transition from "atop" to "beneath" need not incite concern.

I truly am stumped by this one. This is not a nation of productivity and international status which was somehow impaired in its functionality by the earthquake. This is not a titan of industry leading the way into the future which has been set back. This is fucking Haiti; the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. They were fucked prior to the earthquake; they are fucked after the earthquake. Haiti being hit by an earthquake is akin to someone with terminal cancer getting AIDS. Sure, they're worse off than they were before. But they were already pretty damned fucked. And even if their AIDS is cured they still have terminal cancer!

It's not as if a temporary, immediate outpouring of concern and supplies will really help the situation, either. If you've watched any of the news coverage you will have been treated to persons listing supplies needed by the Haitians: Food, Water, Medicine, etc. And, I mean, of course they need those things; they were hit by an earthquake. But, if you've been paying attention, THEY'VE NEEDED THAT SHIT FOR YEARS! Providing the Haitians with these supplies will not return them to a self-sustained state of being. Providing these supplies will ensure that the Haitians survive to...continue to live on handouts.

Moreover, it's not as if Haitians only need Food, Water, Medicine, etc. The Haitians do not merely require life-sustaining supplies for the present in order to return to normalcy. Some other things the Haitians require, which are left out of the handy-dandy lists provide via news networks, are:

- An Infrastructure
- An Economy
- A Functional, Stable Government
- A Functional, Reliable Police Force
- Natural Resources
- An Economy

The Haitian people were never one hot meal and a polio vaccine away from becoming a function, self-sustaining country. They inhabit a country which lives off of handouts which will never sustain itself via its own means. Which is fine and dandy. Except our pouring millions of dollars of time, resources, and effort won't transform Haiti into, say, the Dominican Republic. Haiti before the earthquake was a shithole. Haiti after the earthquake is a shithole which, after an investment of millions of dollars in time and effort, will, hopefully, become a slightly less shitty shithole.

So, yes, it is sad when someone with terminal cancer gets AIDS. It is tragic when a poverty-stricken country like Haiti is hit by a natural disaster. But come the fuck on, people. Why are we striving to return Haiti to its pre-earthquake state of normalcy when its pre-earthquake state of normalcy was really fucking shitty? If we return Haiti to its state of being prior to the earthquake? They will still have these same problems; Haitians will still die of malnutrition, exposure, and disease. Haitians will still need food, water, and medicine. If we cure the AIDS they still have terminal cancer!

Moreover, you did not care two weeks ago. So, why the fuck would you start caring now? Why were the Haitians dying of malnutrition and exposure who died prior to the earthquake not worth your concern, your attention, your money? Why did the children dying atop their filth not receive a special segment on Countdown when the children dying beneath their filth do? Why does a change in preposition make you care?

The only thing which has changed in Haiti is that the Haitians have transitioned from dying atop to dying beneath. The only reason why you would care about Haiti now is if your concern and empathy is based upon prepositions.

And that is fucking moronic.