Saturday, March 15, 2008

Horton [chat]s an Abortion Protest

This is a new [chat] thread. Because the old one was for last week, you see.

how about Horton [chats] an Abortion Protest?

Spoiler Alert!
"After all, a person is a person, no matter how small." argues that a PERSON is a PERSON no matter how small.

Not that a Zygote is a Person no matter how much shit James Dobson feeds your ignorant ass.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Things One Does in Grad School

Title: A Bill to Preserve Our Popular Culture

WHEREAS, the mission of Bowling Green State University is that it Aspires to be the premier learning community in Ohio, and one of the best in the nation; and

WHEREAS, in accordance with this mission Bowling Green State University has an interest in promoting the best and most outstanding forms of cultural expression; and

WHEREAS, Universal Pictures is scheduled to release a movie entitled "The Incredible Hulk" on June the 13th of this year; and

WHEREAS, on the 20th of June, 2003 - only five years ago - Universal Pictures release a movie entitled "The Hulk"; and

WHEREAS, both of these films purport to be adaptations of the classic comic book character "The Incredible Hulk," originally created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby ; and

WHEREAS, these films are inconsistent, both with the plot lines presented in the comic books, and with each other; and

WHEREAS, this means that both films are retroactively altering the continuity of and already established plotline, a practice known to fans as "retconning"; and

WHEREAS, comic book plot lines are already hard enough to figure out, and some of us just recently discovered you could use wikipedia to catch up on them; and

WHEREAS, by releasing two mutually inconsistent movies within a mere five years of each other, Universal Pictures threatens to make the entire Hulk plot line an indecipherable morass, confusing fans and wasting thousands of hours of work by wikipedia editors; and

WHEREAS, the only possible reason Universal could have for committing such an atrocity is the desire to bilk consumers out of their hard earned money with more warmed-over garbage; and

WHEREAS, it totally looks like they even recycled the CG model of the Hulk from the Ang Lee movie, how cheap is that?

BE IT RESOLVED, that the Graduate Student Senate condemns "The Incredible Hulk" as a totally gratuitous retconn and crass commercial move on the part of Universal Pictures, even if it might be a better movie than the Ang Lee picture; and

LET IT BE FURTHER RESOLVED, that the Graduate Student Senate does not mean this resolution to reflect poorly on Ed Norton, who has done a lot of nice work

How we Play: Part 2

In a game like World of Warcraft there will be differences in the amount of time individuals invest in the game and the content upon which individuals focus. Some will play for three hours a weekend and others will play for thirty. Some will focus on PVP and others on PVE. The inevitable result of this is that there will be differences in players in terms of gear, items, funds, etc. These differences are not unique to World of Warcraft or at all unexpected.

Think of Guitar Hero. There are certain limitations within the structure of reality that will result in some players being better or worse than others. If one cannot play Bark at the Moon on Expert then certainly one can practice and attempt to do better. It may be the case, however, that one simply cannot play Bark at the Moon on Expert despite how hard one may work or how much one may practice. This is simply reality.

When these differences are made evident usually an individual will redefine success for their self. An individual who cannot play Bark at the Moon on Expert will embrace Hard or Medium difficulties and ignore Expert. An individual who does not want to invest thirty hours a weekend in World of Warcraft will focus on content which requires a much shorter time investment. Rather than Raid, for example, an individual will embrace Battlegrounds or Arena and so accumulate gear that way.

Others, however, will ceaselessly bitch and whine and demand that the game change to accommodate them. And these people need to fucking die.

When I wrote my How we play rant this is the idea I failed to communicate: The idea that one's desires need to be in harmony with one's level of commitment and abilities; individuals need to desire what they are able and willing to obtain.

I have participated in a plethora of frustrating conversations of the following format:

Dipshit: I want better gear.
Me: Raid.
Dipshit: I don't want to raid.
Me: Then you won't get better gear.
Dipshit: But I want better gear!
Me: Then Raid!
Dipshit: I DON'T WANT TO!

Feel free to replace those particulars with other examples. The "I want higher level characters but I don't want to do quests/play more" discussion. The "I want to do better in pvp but don't want to respec" discussion. The "I want to play Guitar Hero on Hard but I don't want to fret with four fingers" discussion.

Much as we might hate it there is a structure to any given context which dictates the process by which a given goal or objective can be obtained. While there may be multiple paths to any given goal or objective within a context these paths and structures exist. And not in some other-worldly, mysterious, or ethereal form but rather in empirical, observable fact. One will not level in World of Warcraft unless one does what is required to level. One will not get better gear unless one does what is required to get better gear.

This is not a videogame specific revelation either. There are processes by which things happen. If one is not involved in a process which results in X one will not achieve X.

I think that rather than bitch and whine it is best to objectively assess the situation and determine whether or not one is willing to do what is required to achieve that which one desires. If one is willing to do what is required then fucking do it. If one is not willing to do what is required then abandon the goal and find another.

Just don't desire what you are unwilling or unable to obtain and then bitch about it. You look like an idiot.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

It's not warm yet!

Is it just me or does everyone get incredibly piss-ass stupid come the end of winter? We go through three months of cold, dreary, snowy, icy weather and then the second tells us that the temperature is above freezing all the shitheads come out.

Newsflash: 50 degrees is not WARM!

Jesus Christ. I'm driving home from work today and people are out on their bikes, walking dogs, washing their cars. Jesus ass-shitting fuck there were at least 9 cars in line to be washed at this stupid automated carwash. And it's supposed to rain this weekend!

I get the whole biological dipshittery related to spring. Sure, i'm happy...or some reasonable version thereof...when the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and it is warm outside.


It's lke everyone in northern Indiana decided to jump the gun. They can't wait for it to be actually warm so as soon as they can piss on the sidewalk and it doesn't freeze they're out bicycling in tanktops since they won't die of hypothermia quite as quickly as they would have last week.

Granted, I'm not entirely against ladies bicycling in tanktops when it's fifty degrees outside.

But it still pisses me the fuck off.

Zero Punctuation: Burnout

One Part Gullible, Two Part Potter

Deathly Hallows: 784 pages
Half-Blood Prince: 652 pages
Order of the Phoenix: 896 pages
Goblet of Fire: 734 pages
Prisoner of Azkaban: 448 pages
Chamber of Secrets: 352 pages
Philosopher's Stone: 309 pages

Warner Bros. Pictures will release its film adaption of the final "Harry Potter" book in two parts, saying doing so is necessary to stay true to the tome.

I've seen each of the Harry Potter films at least three times and read through the series at least six times and this is my verdict: You cockgobbling asshats at Warner Bros. don't give two shits about staying "true to the tome". Sure, you stay "reasonably close to to tome" or "vaguely similar to the tome" or "Emma Watson has tits now so we will change wardrobe the tome". But at no point have you assholes bothered yourselves with being true to the tome.

And, really? I've come to terms with that; I have accepted it. No one bothers to literally translate a written work into film anymore save the people who do Naruto. So even though I was pissed off after I saw Harry Potter and the scenes from Order of the Phoenix that fit into 138 minutes I accepted the film as the best I could get; it was all that was available to me.

Except NOW that you money sniffing cadaver fuckers have come to the end of the series you've decided to do a two part Harry Potter Movie?! Are you fucking shitting me?

We're not stupid, you know. We know that Deathly Hallows is shorter than Order of the Phoenix. We know that you left things out of every Harry Potter film to date. Hell, we all know that you're just doing a two part movie because you know we will pay to see it. But even giving you the fact that the last book lends itself to a two part movie I still won't concede that you ought to make a two part movie. Why? I do not want to have to wait a year to see part two of the film version of the ending to a story I've already read six times.

So, how about we find a nice middle ground. What if you make the movie four hours long and charge more for tickets? How would that be problematic? Release a four hour epic final Harry Potter Film and make an event of it. People love lining up at midnight to see shitty movies. People love to sit on their asses. Why not take advantage of that and blow your final wad on one final unprecedented four-hour Harry Potter joygazm? Do you really think that would irritate anyone? Do you really think people would not show up? It's the last Harry Potter movie: People will sit there for however long it takes and pay whatever you make them pay.

You're knowingly taking advantage of the fans anyway. You're milking this thing for all you can under the guise of "staying true to the tome", something with which you have not concerned yourselves at all thus far in the series. But if you're going to fuck the fans in the ass with this two part bullshit why not give them the courtesy of a reach-around and put the two parts together and just charge more? Charge $30 for a ticket. Charge $40. We'll pay it. We'll happily bend over and take it.

We just ask that you give it to us all at once.

Stefen Colbear

The sordid story, according to Multichannel, by way of WoW Insider was that Lockwood's "Warrior of Truthiness" paladin never actually made it in front of Colbert's eyeballs. Upper Deck seemed to be behind the idea for a real world tie in for its trading card game, but the squares at Colbert, Inc. blocked it.

Follow the link to see the picture which was to be on the card. Brilliant.

Castlevania: Dracula X Chronicles

I've been kind of having this running boredom with Castlevania lately, where they give me some new IGA directed Metrovania, and I kind of look back over the last ten years and try to imagine why it is that I should be excited about that. Not that I've missed a beat, I mean, I've played every non N64 Castlevania since Symphony of the Night, and I have something of a love for SotN and Circle of the Moon and Aria of Sorrow and even Portrait of Ruin, but for the love of god, these are all essentially the same games but with some different particulars and new game+'s. Curse of Darkness is in there, too, but it's a 3D Castlevania, so it's hard to make it appear in lists with 2D games.

All that to say, Dracula X Chronicles has rekindled the love because it's a remake of Rondo of Blood (one of the Castlevanias that never came to the US) that includes ports of Symphony of the Night and the original Rondo of Blood. The remake is, like the game it's based on, awesome as hell. I realize that's not exactly an unbiased opinion, but Rondo is essentially the missing link between the classic Castlevania and the modern Castlevania, and it's a critical link for people who give a shit about the series. This is the game to refer to when lamenting that modern Castlevanias don't pay any attention to platforming or that the RPG elements make the game too easy. Rondo has the branching structure and freedom to revisit previously explored areas that exist in later Castlevanias, but it does so without bloated level design found in those games, with their big areas populated by only a few weak enemies. Rondo emphasizes smaller levels where each encounter is important rather than one gigantic area where only bosses even slightly matter.

And I love the old-style Castlevania boss battles. They're designed to be played by a player with a set power-level (variable through his choice of sub-weapons) rather than designed for a general range of player level also taking into consideration his inventory of healing items and such. The old bosses require the player to recognize the pattern to win, rather than recognize the need to be level 99 and have a full inventory of healing items.

In short, absolutely play Dracula X Chronicles if you care about Castlevania and for some reason have a PSP.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

One for -J-

Something to tide over your weapons fetish...

Not Voting for Hillary Clinton

Clinton advisers question whether Mr. Obama has a real base of support in the swing states Mrs. Clinton won, arguing that he has relied on upper-income liberals, college-educated voters and students, groups that, the Clinton team argues, will support any Democratic nominee. “Obama’s supporters are going to support whoever is leading our ticket,” Mr. Ickes said.

I am afraid that many in the Clinton camp may suffer from the same delusion as Mr. Ickes that Obama supporters would merrily flock to Hillary Clinton if she manages to find a dishonest, backdoor way of sliming herself into the position of Democratic Nominee for President. While I have no power over them and in no way control their world view I would like to provide them with a bit of insight they may lack.

I'm not fucking voting for Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Here are just a few reasons why:
- Geraldine Ferraro says stupid racist shit
- In actuality Hillary Had No Role in Irish Peace
- It's 3 a.m. and your children are safe and asleep. They will die if you vote for Obama
- Clinton Campaign Leaks Obama Picture

If you have not noticed the theme here let me spell it out for you: Clinton is the same old tried and true bullshit spouting manipulative liar who has inhabited D.C. for years. The only difference between her and the rest of them, as far as I can tell, is that she does not have a wang. And while her wangless existence is great and all it in no way inspires me or motivates me to drag my ass out and vote for her. If the contest is between Clinton and McCain there is no real difference between them. One's bullshit comes from a Conservative viewpoint and the other's bullshit comes from a Liberal viewpoint. I'm not going to trouble myself with delving into either's bullshit to find which smells the worst; they both stink.

Obama is someone different. Obama is not one of the established D.C. cronies; a member of the Legislative Branch's perpetual circle-jerk. Obama is new blood, a fresh face on a dilapidated system. Obama is not a McCain who created a new mask to hide his scandal filled past. Obama is not another god damned Clinton. Obama is new, different, inspiring. Obama can speak in a manner that makes me give a damn.

If Clinton is going to spend the next few months working to extinguish Obama's flame of hope, if her desire is to quash the upwelling which surrounds Obama and return politics to the middling, depressing, quagmire of bullshit that it has been for the past who-gives-a-shit many years, if she is going to continue her self-aggrandizing campaign of racism, lies, dishonesty, and manipulation then she and the rest of them can go fuck themselves.

And on election day I'll sit in my room watching youtube clips of Obama's speeches.

Because fuck if I'll vote for the self-serving bitch who knocked that man down.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

The Bow Tie is Dead!

Some Blogs are reporting that Tucker "the bow tied asshole" Carlson - you know the guy who is destroying america - is going to have his MSNBC show cancled.


UPDATE: Politico has confirmed the reports with Boy-tie Boy

Accepted to Graduate School.

I was accepted to the Master's Degree program in Philosophy at Southern Illinois University Carbondale. As is due this position I shall attempt to conduct myself in a manner befitting my new future within academia.

That being said...




I get to quit my job and move to Illinois. I get to get a new apartment, make new friends, write papers, read, give presentations. I get to do WHAT I WANT TO DO!!!