Saturday, May 24, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of [chat]

No Ticket.

Things on FOX that are not New Episodes of Firefly


The TV phenomenon, HUMAN TETRIS (AS seen on YOUTUBE) is sweeping the world and making its way to America! FremantleMedia, the company behind American Idol, America’s Got Talent, and The Price Is Right along with a major American television network are looking for trios (friends, co-workers, spouses, etc) to take part in one of the most OUTRAGEOUS, FUNNY, and challenging game shows ever seen on Television. In order to apply you must assemble a team of 3 people. Looking for groups with interesting dynamics or a common theme....We are looking for men and women 18 and up of ALL SHAPES AND SIZES who are OUTGOING and have a GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR! All teams must be either ALL Female OR ALL Male! This show does not require trivia knowledge only your creativity in fitting your body through a hole in a wall!


Angry cat is fucking pissed.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Special Comment: Clinton Invokes RFK's Assassination


Precipice of Darkness Sucks, apparently

Obama's Death is Hillary's Shot

This sort of thing is just wonderful. Today while discussing her decision to stay in the race Hillary invoked the assassination of Robert Kennedy:

"My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California."

Howard Wolfson defended the comments saying: "She was talking about the length of the race and using the '68 election as an example of how long the races in the past have gone -- she used her husband's race in the same vein."

It's really nice of Hillary to stay in the race just in case Obama is killed. That's quite white of her.


In Defense of Spoilers: Knowledge Good

With the release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull I've another opportunity to indulge in a favorite pastime of mine: Posting spoilers for movies on random forums / blogs. There are a few reasons why I enjoy this activity. The first is that I enjoy pissing people off and inciting arguments, both of which result from posting spoilers. Second, posting spoilers has the chance of sparking a chorus of "You shouldn't post spoilers" comments which I personally enjoy because there's no sensible fucking foundation upon which that stance is founded.

If you think about it the desire to not know what will happen is fundamentally an argument in favor of ignorance. Granted, with regard to movie spoilers this is a contextual, entertainment based ignorance, but none the less it is ignorance all the same. I think it is safe to say that a preference for ignorance is itself ignorant despite that whole Old Testament "Tree of Good and Evil" malarkey.

Also, one needs to question the notion of timing with regard to spoilers. If a person plans to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull at seven p.m. and at six p.m. a friend tells them a bit of information they would not have known until 7:18 p.m. while watching the movie then, really, that friend has not told the individual something they would have never known but rather told them something prior to when the friend thought they would know it. In what way can it be harmful to know something sooner rather than later?

Perhaps I'm being a bit obtuse by ignoring the notion that one may want to discover a bit of information during the experience of watching a given movie. Perhaps one enjoys the surprise of learning something within the context of the activity to which the bit of information pertains. But how can that feeling not be replicated by reading a spoiler on a website, or by stumbling upon a spoiler in a bookstore? Will not bit of information A be just as surprising within the theatrical context as it would in any other context? Is not there some finite amount of surprise to bit of information A which exists regardless of the context in which bit of information A is revealed?

Shortly after the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince some fans of the series stood on an overpass holding a sign which said "Snape Kills Dumbledore". In what way is that information more surprising within the context of the book than it is when communicated via a sign on an overpass?

Or maybe we're not concerned with the surprise itself. Perhaps some maintain the notion that the experience of watching a movie, reading a book, playing a video game, is somehow enhanced by not the surprise of particular events but rather that continual flow of new information which results from the ignorance one's lack of experience affords them. Perhaps what some find truly insulting is their being robbed of that Naïveté to which they cling while engaging a book, film, or game for the first time.

But can't we question the wisdom of clinging to and enjoying Naïveté? Is not it fundamentally good to know things, to have an understanding of what will come? Do not spoilers behoove us by replacing ignorance with knowledge?

Is not knowledge good?

Duckling Drain Deaths Devastate Dipshit Denizens; Declining Dutifulness Doubtlessly Denounced

Fox News never fails to delight:

The National Museum of the American Indian said equipment in an outdoor fountain that was supposed to protect wildlife appears to have failed, resulting in the deaths last week of five ducklings.

Museum spokeswoman Leonda Levchuk said the ducklings were pulled into a drain as horrified visitors watched Saturday afternoon. Workers responded in time to save five more ducklings.

Levchuk said the drains were covered with protective gratings last year after several young birds were killed. She said the grates might have been loosened by the flow of water, allowing the ducklings to slip through.

The museum will add netting around the grates until better grates can be added next week, she said.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Bishojo Regulation Petition: Chibi Kawaii!!!

Apparently the tiny dicked jackoffs of Japan are sick and tired of the tiny dicked perverts of Japan destroying their precious little Chinese knockoff society. So while they're hot for Hentai, stuck on Shotacon, and yearning for Yaoi a line has been draw. That line? No more lolicon!

Apparently A Petition for the Enactment of Regulation on the Manufacture and Sale of Bishojo Adult Anime Magazines, and Bishojo Adult Anime Simulation Games will soon be put before The Japanese Diet (whatever the fuck that is) which states that:

Our towns overflow with adult anime magazines and games which often depict elementary school girls, and the minds of the youths who are seduced by these games are unwittingly destroyed; they lose their very humanity, there are already incidents of young maidens being plucked from the streets and murdered. Since it is plain that our society has now become one where young girls are placed in great peril, the issue of free expression is a thing of the past. To curb these profit seeking companies with no conception of social morals, to restrict the creation of products which place young girls in peril, there is a pressing need for penal regulations and the accompanying laws.

We wish to see enacted laws restricting the manufacture and sale of bishojo adult anime magazines, and bishojo adult anime simulation games.
I'm sure you'll all join me in my empassioned plea of, "Not mey Lolis!"

I'm not entirely sure what the relation is between people playing Bishojo simulation games and "young maidens being plucked from the streets and murdered" though I'll guess it is roughly the same relation as people playing GTA IV and then stealing cars and running over hookers. And, admitedly, I'm not against this petition. Given that Bishojo is animated all the animators have to do is keep drawing the same characters and simply say that they are all 9,000 year old witches from another dimension; problem solved.* No, what bothers me is this:

"the issue of free expression is a thing of the past"

The fuck?

I'm going to get the obligatory 1984 reference out of the way as I'm pretty sure there is a Japanese translation (the title of which probably sounds like "koosh koosh paw euw nom nom chu") with which the tiny dicked jackoffs are at least socially familiar and rather focus on the sentiment of the statement itself.

Do the tiny dicked jackoffs of Japan want to hop onto the "end free expression" rickshaw over the issue of lolicon? Is it really that big of a deal? Sure, it would be ideal if tiny dicked Japanese perverts were not aroused by animated seven year old girls, but is banning lolicon going to solve that problem? And even if we grant the premise that banning it would aid in solving the problem is there really no better way to frame the debate than "the issue of free expression is a thing of the past"?

Also, why stop at lolicon and Bishojo games? Why not make one fell swoop and put an end to all Hentai, ever? Wouldn't that behoove the tiny dicked Chinese knockoff society even more than simply a ban on "meh lolis"? It's terrible to depict elementary school girls as sexual objects for tentacle monsters but it's fine and dandy to depict high school and college age girls as sexual objects for tentacle monsters? Really, Japan?

My guess? The group would like to outright ban all Hentai, ever. But they know that the tiny dicked Legislaters (who love themselves some Demon Rape) would never pass it. So they'll start with the lolicon (given that it is hard to argue on the bamboo covered floor of the Japanese legislature that portrayal of pre-teens being sodomized by plants is awesome) and then use that to give momentum to the "End Hentai" movement.

Which I would wholly endorse, by the way. If only because the national debate might draw enough global attention to the semen encrusted underbelly of Japanese Culture that it would finally end this stupid fucking Japanese fixation we've all maintained ever since we discovered Pocky.

*The other possibility is that we'll get a statement from the Japanese government which legally defines what an elementary school girl looks like. And that would be fucking hilarious.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Jennifer Hooper McCarty is hot

Zero Punctuation: Painkiller


Even though I've addressed this before Hillary keeps talking about it and it keeps pissing me off.

Hillary Clinton, October 11, 2007, on the Michigan Primary:
"It's clear, this election they're having is not going to count for anything"

Hillary Clinton, May 21, 2008, on the Michigan and Florida Primaries:
“We believe the popular vote is the truest expression of your will. We believe it today just as we believed it back in 2000 when right here in Florida, you learned the hard way what happens when your votes aren’t counted, and the candidate with fewer votes is declared the winner. The lesson of 2000 here in Florida is crystal clear. If any votes aren’t counted, the will of the people isn’t realized and our democracy is diminished. That’s what I’ve always believed.”

What changed?

Well, back in October of 2007 Hillary thought she was going to be the nominee so she did not give a fuck about the Michigan and Florida primaries; they were irrelevant to her success; SHE DID NOT NEED THEM. Guess what? Now she needs them. So she's adopted the mantle of the Patron Saint of Democracy, the lone voice of reason willing to fight against the odds to allow the votes of every man, woman, and HRC supporting child to be counted in Florida and Michigan despite, you know, the rules of the process. Hillary has decided that her own, personal, selfish goal of being president is more important than the rules by which the nominee is chosen.

"We believe it today just as we believed it back in 2000 when right here in Florida, you learned the hard way what happens when your votes aren’t counted, and the candidate with fewer votes is declared the winner."

Well, you know what, Hillary? We've counted the votes which complied with the rules of the process from states containing individuals who can read a fucking calendar. And you know what? Obama has more votes.

So it seems to be the case that in your little idiotic delusion you're not Al Gore, the winner of the popular vote whose loss was the result of someone who wanted to break the rules. Obama has the most votes. Obama won the most states. Obama has the most pledge delegates. Obama has the most super delegates. And right now Obama is being challenged by someone who wants to break the rules, who wants to dismember the process and assert their own selfish will on the country.

So in your delusion? In the scenario you've concocted? You, Hillary Clinton, are not Al Gore.

You, Hillary Clinton, are George Walker Bush.

I miss Huckabee

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Obama's OR & KY Speech

Text is here.

KY and Oregon Primary

From Kos

Oregon: composite: 54.1O, 41.6C
PsiFighter37: 59.7O, 40.3C
Poblano: 56.6O, 43.4C
Al Giordano: 57.6O, 42.4O
Jerome: 54O, 46C
Election Inspection: 55.4O, 44.6C

Kentucky: composite: 63.2C, 28O
PsiFighter37: 67.2C, 32.8O
Poblano: 55.9C, 37.0O, 7E
Al Giordano: 63.6C, 31.3O, 5.1E
Jerome: 62C, 32O, 5E
Election Inspection: 62C, 31O, 7E

The crazy wonks at think there is a chance for Edwards to pick up a delegate tonight. Kentucky sets delegates by congressional district margins, the not statewide vote. Obama is not going to do well in the KY-5. maybe less than 15% of the vote. Edwards in still on the ballet in the state and KY-5 is the poorest congressional district in the country. If Edwards does well, he could pick up another delegate.