Saturday, March 21, 2009

Sensible Limitations of Data [chat]

On occasion I offend people.

Friday, March 20, 2009

President Obama on Leno

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Kings: NBC's Greatest Television Show Ever

Words fail.

So, it's 4 a.m. and I've yet to go to sleep. Why? I started watching the first episode of Kings on Hulu. Upon starting the episode I could not stop watching. Having viewed the entire first episode I say without hyperbole that Kings is the greatest television show ever.

Wikipedia describes the show as "the Biblical story of King David but set in a fictional kingdom resembling the present-day United States". Ok, now to that foundation add West Wing, a rags to riches Prince and the Pauper esque main character who is the audience's vehicle into the series, Sopranoes-esque psychological intrigue into the impact of power upon a flawed family unit, Allison Miller, and a dialog structure which properly utilizes the royal we.

Watch this show. No, I don't care what you are doing. Watch this damn show. Watch it now. Shut up! Watch this fucking show.

One who lives life without watching this episode of Kings will have lived an incomplete life.

Note: I'm pretty drunk and sleep deprived. So I may revoke this upon awakening to realize that the flag of the nation of Gilboa has a butterfly on it. That being said: WATCH THIS FUCKING SHOW!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Zero Punctuation: 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand

You have to watch the whole thing to get the joke.

Short Selling is fucking brilliant

Upon watching monday's Daily Show I became aware of Short Selling. The explanation presented in the show made no sense, so I went to wikipedia:

For example, assume that shares in XYZ Company currently sell for $10 per share. A short seller would borrow 100 shares of XYZ Company, and then immediately sell those shares for a total of $1000. If the price of XYZ shares later falls to $8 per share, the short seller would then buy 100 shares back for $800, return the shares to their original owner (paying a fee for having borrowed the shares) and make a $200 profit (minus the fee for having borrowed the shares).

How is that not fucking brilliant? As the guy in the interview said, "It's not illegal." Sure, it damaged the economy, obliterates companies, causes job losses, and brings about full financial collapse. But, still, how is it not fucking brilliant?

My only question is how one finds those original shares to borrow.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Audioclips of Bill O'Reilly reading his bad porno novel


Thanks to Al Franken, we all know that Bill O'Reilly wrote a terrible pornographic novel in 1998. Now the Village Voice's head garage-sale nut has digitized a bunch of choice clips from the audiobook (read by O'Reilly), including "Say baby, put down that pipe and get my pipe up," "Cup your hands under your breasts and hold them for ten seconds," and "Cunnilingus involves the lips and tongue."

I cannot even begin

Public Enemy on Jimmy Fallon

so...jimmy fallon does not suck....

Monday, March 16, 2009

What J is thinking right now

11:01:46 PM Jay: what do i have to do to be a visigoth?
11:02:52 PM Mike Lewis: be a barbarian from 6th century spain
11:03:10 PM Jay: can i do that now?
11:03:27 PM Mike Lewis: you would need a time machine
11:03:33 PM Mike Lewis: which would make you a time traveller
11:03:42 PM Jay: GOD I HATE ME
11:03:46 PM Jay: and i can't be a visigoth
11:04:35 PM Mike Lewis: does not look like it
11:04:53 PM Jay: fuck
11:05:13 PM Mike Lewis: im sorry
11:05:32 PM Jay: hmm
11:05:33 PM Mike Lewis: errr - should i ask you why you want to be a visagoth?
11:05:39 PM Jay: well
11:05:42 PM Jay: I was taking a shit
11:05:53 PM Jay: and i realized that i bought scott brand toilet paper without thinking of a reason why
11:06:00 PM Jay: and then realized that i'd like to be a visigoth


I never knew you could beat this...

Sunday, March 15, 2009