Polar Bears Wearing Armor who Fight.
The Golden Compass will be in theatres this Friday and it will be the greatest film of 2007. I have not seen this movie; I have not read the book upon which the movie is based. So, how do I know that The Golden Compass will be the greatest film of 2007?
Polar Bears.
Wearing Armor.
Who Fight.
I do not need to know the context; I do not care. Are these polar bears wearing armor who fight real? Are they imaginary? Are they part of an elaborate dream? These questions do not matter. For, The Golden Compass offers me something no other film has ever offered: Polar Bears. Wearing Armor. Who Fight.
Other reviewers will attempt to distract you by focusing on the plot, the religious controversy, or Nichole Kidman's kind of visible bra. Some will go so far as to call this film the anti-Narnia, tempting reviewers to digress into rants about how watching The Chronicles of Narnia is indistinguishable from gargling rancid shit for 143 minutes and how your idiotic friends lied to you when they said Narnia was a religious allegory because it isn't a fucking allegory: Aslan isn't Jesus, the Ice Queen isn't Satan, or the Romans, or the Jews, or original sin, or Judas, or Hitler, or fucking ANYTHING, and C. S. Lewis can just go fuc
No...must...
That's better.
The Golden Compass is the greatest movie you will see this year. It might be the greatest movie you will see during your entire life. It is even possible that The Golden Compass is the greatest movie of all time, a movie against which all other movies are judged which fundamentally captures the human condition and succinctly expresses every being's most fundamental desire, man's ultimate achievement, and for each and every one of us the very meaning of our lives:
Polar Bears.
Wearing Armor.
Who Fight.
51 comments:
i am somewhere in the middle of the 4th chapter of the first book.
it is really good.
The audiobook is produced with a full cast. There are super fast torrents on the pirates bay
I'm fairly certain you could label this a rant if you so pleased.
I agree.
@Mikey: Is the book good, or is the production on the audio book good?
Both - the book is good, and the audio book production is good
Terrific.
Have the Polar Bears wearing armor who fight made their grand appearance yet?
In my mind they rip through the book itself. Such is the ferocity of their zeal.
Perhaps in the audio book this will happen by them bursting through the speakers. Or perhaps you, the listener, become a Polar Bears wearing armor who fights.
SO AWESOME!
they have not.
but again - for chapters in
maybe....1/10 of my way through the book.
They probably need to establish the other lesser characters before the polar bears wearing armor who fight appear.
Sort of like how in Casablanca they had to established that there were...um...Nazis...and black bartenders.
I've never seen Casablanca. It had virtually no polar bears wearing armor who fight.
Narnia is an allegory.
Also, this film is the anti-Narnia.
How do I know this? Because author of the former book made the former statement, and author of the latter book made the latter statement.
One really can't get around that. But, on the other hand, audio books are awesome. As are polar bears, etc.
Narnia is an allegory.
What's that, C.S. Lewis in a letter to a Mrs Hook in December of 1958?
“If Aslan represented the immaterial Deity in the same way in which Giant Despair [a character in The Pilgrim's Progress] represents despair, he would be an allegorical figure. In reality, however, he is an invention giving an imaginary answer to the question, ‘What might Christ become like if there really were a world like Narnia, and He chose to be incarnate and die and rise again in that world as He actually has done in ours?’ This is not allegory at all”
An allegory is a "representation of an abstract or spiritual meaning through concrete or material forms; figurative treatment of one subject under the guise of another".
Narnia, with it's "lion jesus" is not a representation of an abstract or spiritual meaning through concrete or material forms; figurative treatment of one subject under the guise of another. C.S. Lewis is just a hack who was unable to tell an original story with original characters.
No?
“Some people seem to think that I began by asking myself how I could say something about Christianity to children; then fixed on the fairy tale as an instrument, then collected information about child psychology and decided what age group I’d write for; then drew up a list of basic Christian truths and hammered out ‘allegories’ to embody them. This is all pure moonshine. I couldn’t write in that way. It all began with images; a faun carrying an umbrella, a queen on a sledge, a magnificent lion. At first there wasn’t anything Christian about them; that element pushed itself in of its own accord.”
Aslan is not lion-Jesus; the ice witch is not the romans, or the jews, or original sin, or satan, or hitler, or anything. Aslan dies and comes back to life because sometimes it's neat for that to happen. Like Gandalf, or Neo, or a plethora of other fictional characters.
If Narnia was an allegory it would have substantial "figurative treatment of one subject under the guise of another". In actuality Narnia is just a crappy story that occasionally steals from other sources of literature because C.S. Lewis was dumb.
Or, you know, maybe Mr. and Mrs. Beaver were Abraham and Sarah. And then Lucy was Hagar...
Wait, no.
How do I know this? Because author of the former book made the former statement, and author of the latter book made the latter statement.
That's not how things function. One cannot declare a thing to be an allegory if we have an established definition of "allegory" and the thing fails to meet the requirements of the definition of "allegory".
I could spit on a piece of paper and call it the anti-Narnia but that would in no way make the spit paper the anti-Narnia much in the same way that my calling an apple a pear would not denote "pearness" upon the apple.
Ah, this reminds me of an art work by an artist i cannot remember, with a title that may have never existed.
You remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that might never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've been to.
mmmm.
The First Five Minutes
So Awesome.
Are you sure they're polar bears? I think they're daemons.
I think they are polar bears in daemon form rather than daemons in polar bear form.
This may not appear to any other daemon as others would be daemons in the form of specific animals.
So they are polar bears that are possessed by a human soul, and not a human soul that has taken on a polar bear's shape?
This is, I think, quite the opposite of what Wiki says about daemons in His Dark Materials. That is, that "a dæmon takes the form of an animal", and "A child's dæmon has no fixed form, and changes form according to whim and circumstance. As children resolve their mature personalities (approximately the age of puberty), their dæmons "settle" into a form reflective of the person's personality characteristics."
In other words, a cat daemon is a cat in the same sense that a piece of wood, carved to look like a cat is a cat, which is to say, not at all. I don't deny that polar bears wearing armor who fight would be very awesome, but I'm afraid that what this movie offers is daemons who look like polar bears wearing armor who fight.
"This may not appear to any other daemon as others would be daemons in the form of specific animals."
I'm not sure I understand what you're saying here.
I'm confused.
Are they daemons who look like polar bears wearing armor that fight or are they daemons who look like armor-wearing polar bears that fight?
I think it may be the case that they are actually daemons in the form of polar bears wearing armor who fight.
Or, damn English and its lack of a case system, the daemons are in the form of polar bears wearing armor. The daemons in the form of polar bears wearing armor fight.
The post may have allowed for this in:
I do not need to know the context; I do not care. Are these polar bears wearing armor who fight real? Are they imaginary? Are they part of an elaborate dream? These questions do not matter.
Well, I care. I don't want to enter the theater expecting to see polar bears wearing armor who fight, only to find out that they're not polar bears. Not again. Not this time.
Of course, they might not even be daemons. I think one of them can talk, though, but that doesn't prove anything other than that he's not a polar bear since polar bears don't talk. All I know is that if one of those talkers puts on armor and starts fighting, I'm going to be pissed. Polar bears only, pal.
And Caleb raises an interesting point. I think if they were in the guise of armor-wearing polar bears, then there would be no occasion in which they were not wearing armor. That said, I'm afraid the only way we'll know for certain whether they're daemons who look like armor-wearing polar bears or daemons who look like polar bears wearing armor is if the movie contains footage of one of the daemons without his armor on.
And as such, Jay's sense of whimsy and innocence is dashed.
All becuase you took from him his Polar Bears in Armor fighting.
What the fact that Jay's Innocence is defined by vicious giant armored polar bears fighting means... well..
Jay's always has a kind of... wrong innocence, no?
I think if they were in the guise of armor-wearing polar bears, then there would be no occasion in which they were not wearing armor.
Indeed.
Can a daemon wear armor on top of the creature form it takes? If that is the case then the daemon itself would not have an armor class but rather the daemon would have the armor class of the animal form which it took.
I wonder who determines animal armor classes.
That would be...Activision, now. Right?
I would think a daemon in animal form's stats would be some combination of a daemon's own stats and the animal form's own stats. Mental processes might, for example, rely on the daemon's stats, while physical processes would defer to the animal form's. We might be able to get some hint of this in the movie if there are children whose daemons change form and are subsequently able to do things impossible in other forms.
I guess we'll have to wait and see about equipment, too.
This movie shall be so awesome. i'm going to watch it and enjoy it. Then I'm going to meet some awesome girl there and she'll watch it too and be all like "Man, these polar bears wearing armor who fight are awesome!" and I'll be like "They're why I am here!" And she'll be all, "That's so cool. You're so cool and awesome." Then we'll go out for food and talk about polar bears wearing armor who fight.
Then she'll string me along for a few months and get some free dinners out of it before she dumps me, gets over me in a week, and moves to another country.
I think the kid's daemon changes from a something to a polar bear. In the 5 minutes available online she has a little bird flying around her.
But, but...
The Polar Bears aren't daemons D=
He was the shitty little brats friend
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