The winner for outstanding [chat]...

The Emmys were dumb.

Of Fishes and Seas.

So, I went to Ft. Wayne today to trade in some of my WoW cards for other things. As a result I have learned a valuable life lesson.

I went to Clem's to trade in some cards and there was a new girl working there. When I asked to see the binder of WoW cards she said that she had only played WoW a few times and we started talking. We ended up spending 47 minutes standing there at the counter talking about philosophy, pets, Lewis Black, colleges, Kurt Vonnegut, latin, comics, and how all relationships are traps and being educated makes one depressed. It was freaking awesome. We just stood there talking about crap and customers walked around us as we continued to talk. It was so freaking great. She ended some bit of conversation mentioning "her religion" and I asked what it was. She said that she was a member of "Our Lady of Perpetual Astonishment". I said I had read that somewhere but couldn't remember where and she said, "Think 'Man Without a Country'." to which I said, "VONNEGUT!"

Anyway. I haven't been able to move on from Suzy because I really didn't think anyone existed who was as awesome as she was. And today I learned that there are, in fact, other ladies and if one gets the fuck out of their room they can meet these other ladies and stand in comic book stores talking to them about philosophy and Kurt Vonnegut.

Lesson learned.

Ros Does Not Know Anything

1:10:00 PM Mike Lewis: Indiana Jones in the unnecessary cash-in sequel.
1:10:12 PM Caffinenation: Shia LeBouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuf!
1:10:36 PM Mike Lewis: he makes me want to take a ride in the wood chipper
1:11:13 PM Caffinenation: I've kinda grown to think he's.. okay.. as an actor. He needs a decent director and framing.. but he works...
1:11:50 PM Mike Lewis: that is a godsdamned filthy lie
1:12:13 PM Caffinenation: man.. he's not bad in the recent golf-flick.. a period peice.
1:12:23 PM Mike Lewis: errr
1:12:24 PM Mike Lewis: what?
1:12:34 PM Caffinenation: He's kinda like Brendan Frasier.. capable of being good, but more often not.
1:12:43 PM Mike Lewis: what is wrong with you?
1:12:50 PM Caffinenation: but not really BAD, except in things taht are terrible all round.
1:13:07 PM Mike Lewis: you make my eyes bleed.

AIDS Vaccine: Didn't quite work.

AIDS vaccine test halted after shots fail

So, to test an AIDS vaccine they gathered a group of 1503 volunteers. They gave some of the volunteers the vaccine and others a placebo. They then let the volunteers go on their merry way and later tested them to see who had HIV.

"24 of 741 volunteers who got the vaccine in one segment of the trial later become infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. In a comparison group of volunteers who got dummy shots, 21 of 762 participants also became infected with HIV."

Who were the volunteers? "The study volunteers were all free of HIV at the start of the experiment. But they were at high risk for getting HIV: most were homosexual men or female sex workers."

The thing I can't grasp is that they knowingly gave some people placebo shots. Also that "they were all repeatedly counseled about how to reduce their risk of HIV infections, including use of condoms". Because if you're trying to find out if a vaccine prevents HIV infections you don't want to tell people other means by which they can prevent HIV infections. That's going to fuck (pardon the pun) with the results of the vaccine test.

Position Available

The Office of Human Resources is currently advertising for the following full-time, administrative position. Interested candidates should submit a resume and letter of interest to the Office of Human Resources or by e-mailing hr @hanover.edu.

Director of Creative Services

We have an immediate opening for a highly motivated and energetic Director of Creative Services to project manage all print materials produced to advance the mission of Hanover College. This position is responsible for managing the execution of campus print publications that circulate to both internal and external audiences, serve as the liaison for all campus constituents for creative and print services, and work in collaboration with the Director of Publications for the conceptualization and design of all college publications including, but not limited to: The Hanoverian, the Hanover College President’s Report, all event brochures, admission publications, invitations and program, advertisement, and letterhead/business cards.

The ideal Director of Creative Services will possess a Bachelor’s degree in Fine Arts, Graphic Design, Communications, or related field. Directly related experience and education may substitute for the degree requirement. Minimum two to three years experience in a creative role, plus demonstrated success in leading design projects. The Director of Creative Services must be proficient in InDesign or other layout software, such as CorelDraw, Illustrator, and Photoshop along with extensive skills and knowledge in fine art, drawing, photography or other specialized skill.

Hanover College is an Equal Opportunity Employer.

Leadership Style, Nachos and DeWine

From suggestions of students at a Leadership Roundtable held last spring term a NEW PROGRAM has been created for ALL SOPHOMORE STUDENTS:

Leadership Style, Nachos and DeWine.
Dr. DeWine will be talking with Sophomore students about leadership style, what it is and how it impacts leadership decisions and effectiveness. Join your fellow classmates and the president of Hanover College to explore the value and pit-falls of leadership styles. Nachos will be provided at this session.

Press or Say "FUCK YOU!"

This morning I spent an hour and twenty minutes in various states of holding with Fed Ex tech support. Here is my assessment of the situation:

The Good: Remote Connect is best ever. They can get onto the machine, fix the problem, and let me watch. I am in favor of this.

The Bad: One of the issues I have with the Wii is that it replaces "Press A" with "Shake Piece of Plastic". The problem I have with the Fed Ex Tech Support voice recognition software is of the same nature.

90s Support Options:
Press 1 for sales.
Press 2 for support.
Press 3 to be fucked in the ass.

Present day Support Options:
Say "sales" to speak with sales.
Say "support" to speak with support.
Say "fuck me in the ass" to be fucked in the ass.

Pressing buttons is neither taxing, vexing, nor problematic. We don't need to replace button pressing technology while the underlying system remains the same. If the Tech Support Phone Tree still operates on the "Present a menu. Customer selects an option" formula we need not replace "press button" with "say option". There's no utility in this. It's not actual progress. It is a thin aesthetic veil over the exact same structure we've used before.

Now, if the system did not rely on menus but instead said, "You have reached Fed Ex Technical Support. How can I help you?" and I could reply, "My Fex Ex Ship Manager will not load and I need a technician to reinstall it." then this is progress. Navigating a tree by saying words to select menu options instead of pushing buttons to select menu options is not progress.

10 Steps to Fascism.

Naomi Wolf has compiled a list of the 10 steps one need take to turn a Free Society into a Fascist, Dictatorial state. She bases this list on the historical precident of Nazi Germany, Stalinist Russia, etc. She argues in the Full Article that these steps have already been taken in the United States.

Here is the list:

1. Invoke a terrifying internal and external enemy
2. Create a gulag
3. Develop a thug caste
4. Set up an internal surveillance system
5. Harass citizens' groups
6. Engage in arbitrary detention and release
7. Target key individuals
8. Control the press
9. Dissent equals treason
10. Suspend the rule of law

The Full Article is a very interesting read.

Homosexual Insestual Animal Oral Sex

Some things are so perfect that they deserved to be quoted and forever stored on the blog.

Source: Post by HF-kun on the PA forums:

A few weeks ago, my parents adopted a pair of kittens from the SPCA. My mom always loved cats, and considering our old family cat died almost a year ago, she decided now was a good time to get a few more. The two we ended up taking were brothers from the same litter. They were abandoned by their mother when they were only one week old. Both of the cats were very cute, and very friendly, nothing seemed odd about them at all.

Well after a week of owning them, we noticed that the slightly larger of the two kept trying to suck on everything. Apparently, he missed having his mother's milk and had no intentions of weaning. Not only that, but his brother was starting to pick up on that habit as well.

Here's where it got a little awkward. I come home from class today and find them head to tail to each other. ...trying to breast feed one another...with their neutered penises. Needless to say, homosexual insestual animal oral sex was not the first thing I expected to see when I got home today.

Jena 6: Not a Disney Series.

The more I read about this Jena 6 thing the more confused I become. What happened, for those who do not know, is that a white student was assaulted by a group of black students. The black students (The Jena 6) were arrested for assault because they assaulted someone. This pissed off the black community because black students were punished for breaking the law.

Apparently racial tensions have been mounting* recently and the build-up to this situation is supposed to explain what happened. You know the story. Black student sits under the white student's tree. White students hang nooses from the tree. Black students stage a protest which is broken up. Black student's aren't allowed to attend the white student's party. Someone sets the school on fire and the blacks and whites blame one another. It's your basic racist idiocy run amuck.

The problem, though, is really the racism in the community. These events did little more than enflame that racism. So the black community is upset by the nooses, but as hanging nooses from a tree is not against the law the white students receive only minor school punishment. Then when black students actually break the law the black community gets hella pissed off, because the white students (who did not break the law) were not arrested.

I think that this indicates the need in this country for a High Council of Race Relations. If a group thinks that they have a legitimate point to protest they must present their case to the High Council. The High Council will then review the case and if it is a sensible point to protest then the protest will be allowed. If the protest is idiotic (such as protesting the punishment of those who broke the law) then the Council will now allow the protest and the would-be protestors have to go back to work. To be fair the High Council of Race Relations will have one white and one black member. I nominate Morgan Freeman and Sir Ian McKellen. They could easily sort this out and ensure that future protests only occur when legitimate grievances have been found.

*Best euphamism for interraction foreplay, ever.

$9,700 WoW Account Sold.

Source 1
Source 2
Source 3

The worlds most expensive World of Warcraft account was sold yesterday at a whopping 7,000 Euro (Approximately 9,700 USD).

The account being so expensive was due to what it contained: A Night Elf rogue wielding the legendary swords that drop of Illidan Stormrage in The Black Temple - Which only one other in the entire world possess. But it doesn't end there, the character also had 4 of the 5 tier 6 pieces of armor and various drops from The Black Temple making him one of the best geared rogues out there.

For those of you interested in looking him up, the characters name is: Shaks, and she's on the European Realm Kazzak.

Rumor has it that Blizzard has banned the acount.

Smallville.

I watched the last seven minutes of a Smallville episode on Sunday. It is the only Smallville I have ever seen. This was my experience:

0:00 - Alright. 7 minutes till 10. I shall watch Smallville.
0:30 - Who is that?
0:45 - Who is she?
1:15 - Why are they both crying? This is an awful lot like Dawson's Creek.
1:25 - I think he was on Dawson's Creek.
1:45 - Why is there a giant clock behind them?
1:55 - oo. Scene change!
2:05 - Hmm. He is bald and angry. He must be Lex Luthor.
2:15 - Lex Luthor has a dad?
2:46 - Did Lex's dad steal his hair?
3:20 - Who the fuck are these people?
3:36 - Ah. We're in a barn now.
3:50 - That's not what Aquaman looks like.
4:13 - Why is cyborg not a cyborg?
4:37 - So that guy can run fast. He must be The Flash.
5:15 - "We're going to start an organization. Something with 'Justice' in it." NO YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!
5:35 - Who are you? You're cyborg. You're The Flash. You're Green Arrow. Who the fuck are you?
5:57 - No! Don't walk out of the barn! I need to know who you are!
6:05 - "Well, time to go save the world, guys." SHUT UP, DAWSON!
6:25 - Alright. Now it's just Clark Kent and some girl in the barn.
6:33 - Is that Lois?
6:40 - No, that can't be Lois.
7:00 - Well, that series sucks.

The Gimick Unleashed.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed is coming to the Wii.

Here are some articles.

Apparently the nunchuck will control force powers and the Wiimote will control the lightsaber.

Now the questions are:
1) How shitty will the nunchuck controls be?
2) Will the wiimote actually control the lightsaber or will it be the celda-esque swing up/swing down/swing left/swing right/stand up/sit down/fight/fight/fight?

Taser him, bro.

So, Andrew Meyer, if you haven't heard, is a kid who was tazered at Florida University during a Question/Answer session with John Kerry. If you haven't seen the video I suggest that you do. For it is a truly spectacular stunt.

This was not the Kent State shootings. This was not a tragic example of "the man" keeping students down. This was a stunt. The idiot burts into the room yelling, resists arrest, and then squirms on the ground screaming as they taser him. It would be a truly moving performance if not for the fact that tasers don't make you squirm on the ground screaming. They subdue you so that you can be handcuffed if you are resisting arrest while being an obstreperous jackass.

And, yeah, you could possibly argue that maybe the taser did hurt him. And maybe he was trying to just be a student and ask his question. But then you read about it and find little jewels like, "The video of the arrest was taken on his own camera, which he had brought to the John Kerry Q&A session" and "Police claimed that Mr Meyer’s behaviour was very different when the camera was no longer rolling. One officer told the Associated Press that Mr Meyer asked, “Are you taping this? Do you have this? You ready?” before beginning his questions." Top it off with the fact that Andrew Meyer has a website with the clever url of andrewmeyer.com whereon you can find other videos of him being a dipshit, and the case makes itself.

This wasn't tragic. This needn't be protested. It was just a situation wherein an attention seeking whore got what he deserved and the arresting officers, who were doing their job appropriately, were suspended with full pay.

Sometimes I hate Sprint

I called in to Sprint today because when I try to log on to their site to pay my bill, I am FLATLY refused access, going instead to an invalid password page. When I try to reset my password, I for some reason get the same exact invalid password page. At first I thought that might be a scripting error on the part of the webmaster, but then I realized that Sprint is so fucking smart that they can declare invalid passwords I haven't even thought of yet. Truly I face a powerful enemy.

So then I call their "customer solutions" line, and discover that I had fallen into a trap, because the term above actually means "a liquid mixture composed of dissolved customers", and has little to do with addressing problems, unless you consider solid, undissolved customers a "problem".

First they asked me to enter my phone number. I thought this might be so that they could redirect me to someone local who would be willing to help me, and that may have been the idea, but in reality I think all it does is redirect me to the part of fucking India that 1) handles Midwest Customers and 2) speaks English like an elephant paints*. But before I could even talk to anyone, I had to say aloud the nature of my problem so that I could be further screened. I didn't know what to say, and I was sure "YOUR WEBSITE IS SHIT" would get me hung up on, so I sat in silence until the voice gave me some options. Tech support sounded about right, so I said "Tech Support" and the voice, with a tone of disappointment redirected my call. Upon further reflection, I think the voice sounded disappointed because it thought I hadn't said anything, rendering her explanation useless. I'm sorry voice, I'll try harder next time.

Actually I'm not sorry, because by way of punishment, I was redirected to the lady who apparently takes all the calls from people who don't know what the fuck they're doing. She read down through her dummy sheet with me in an approximation of understandable English, asking for my user name and password (both of which she accepted as correct), and eventually I got to tell her that I couldn't log in to the website to pay my bill.

"Let me check on that..."

And then she comes back a second later and tells me to pay my bill by phone, which I took to mean that the website is borked, please ignore the website. I'd be upset about the website not working, but it was recently redesigned, and it just looks so goddamned fucking cool, and really, if you have a site via which customers give you money, it's far more important for it to look good than it is for it to ACCEPT MONEY. On a related note, I should really check out their Sprint Digital Lounge...hmm...that doesn't seem to work either. No matter. Still looks nice.

Back to the phone call, which was now winding down. She asked if she had answered my question appropriately, and I had to admit that she did, and she asked me if I wanted to stay on the line and pay my bill, which sounded helpful, but I was afraid it meant being cast back into the Customer Solution, so we ended our conversation with the promise that I'd call back later.

In the end, I'm just upset that things aren't working the way I'd like them to, and it's not the ill-will of anyone that this is the case, but rather the well-meaning but insufficient work of people who probably don't get paid enough. Unless I can blame the CEO of Sprint or something. I'd be okay with that.

THE END

* I don't have anything against people from India. I do, however have everything against some guy saving money by making things harder for me. Also, why do people buy elephant paintings? If you want paint put on a canvas haphazardly by someone who doesn't know what they're doing, go find a 3 year old and set him up with some art supplies. Those kids work for free.

I don't like Larry Craig.

Senator Larry Craig is back in Washington as of Tuesday. According to Dan Whiting, Craig is "representing Idaho, working on transition, and meeting with his legal team". According to the article, though, "Whiting refused to say where, exactly, Craig was."

I think we all know where Senator Larry Craig was.

Typhoons are not sentient.

"A powerful typhoon targeted China’s booming eastern province...".

Targeted:
1) To make a target of.
2) To aim at or for.
3) To establish as a target or goal.

Typhoons do not "target". Typhoons are not sentient. Typhoons do not posess the rational facilities necessary to "target" something. Typhoons are not active agents; typhoons do not perform actions. Typhoons are not "beings". Typhoons are not things. Typhoons do not decide. Nor do typhoons choose or plot or plan.

Typhoons are a state of being for weather, a non-thing. The Typhoon is not "targeting" China's booming eastern province. It merely exists in a state such that it will pass over China's booming eastern province.

Really, Scott E. Fahlman?

Apparently, the "digital smiley face" turns 25 today. Scott E. Fahlman, a Carnegie Mellon University professor, claims to be the first person ever to have used a colon followed by a hyphen and a parenthesis to form a smiley face:

:-)

Proof?
"Fahlman posted the emoticon in a message to an online electronic bulletin board at 11:44 a.m. on Sept. 19, 1982, during a discussion about the limits of online humor and how to denote comments meant to be taken lightly."

Fatherly Sentiment?
"It has been fascinating to watch this phenomenon grow from a little message I tossed off in 10 minutes to something that has spread all around the world," Fahlman was quoted as saying in a university statement.

"I sometimes wonder how many millions of people have typed these characters, and how many have turned their heads to one side to view a smiley, in the 25 years since this all started."

Rant?
This is the first I've heard of Scott E. Fahlman, father of the emoticon, but I'm pretty sure that he's full of crap. I don't think the claim that he posted the emoticon "to an online electronic bulletin board at 11:44 a.m. on Sept. 19, 1982" is a lie, though it is a bit creepy that he recorded the time and date. But the notion that one man, 25 years ago, gave birth to the "turn punctuation on its side to make a picture" meme is based on some flawed reasoning (overlooking the flawed reasoning of "meme", itself). To argue that there was one thought ":-)" that was created and passed on from that moment to all persons is, I think, quite asinine, and in no way how these things work.

When was the first time you used an emote? Was Scott E. Fahlman involved? Had you seen it before or did you intuit the idea that "Hey, :) looks like a smiley face."?

Individual Mandate

So, according to this Hillary Clinton announced her Health Care plan.

The "problem" is that not all Americans have Health Care.

Her solution? Require that all Americans buy Health Care.


It's brilliant!

Who Really Cares?

There is a 39 year old woman who works in the office who doesn't know who the Vice President is. When we said, "Dick Cheney? Halliburton?!" she said, "I've heard of those."

In her defense she said, "Oh, who really cares?"

This is also the person who had never heard of iTunes until last week.

Edit: And now she's standing behind me talking to someone else about downloading music. Her position? "It's stealing. It's just not right!"

Sit quietly and ponder that for a minute.

Damn it, Adult Swim!

So I watched Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil last night. And I think I hate Adult Swim original programming now.

Last night's Episode of Lucy: TDOTD focused on the Dildo factory Satan owned. (lawl) You see, if Satan could get humanity to masturbate 8% more then the world would end (lawl), and they couldn't get men to masturbate any more than they already do (lawl) so Satan opened a dildo factory to which Lucy submitted some designs (lawl). Then Jesus, a radio DJ, was doing a stunt where he held his arms out at 90 degree angles for three days (lawl) and let Lucy commission a dildo to be made of him in that position (lawl).

I don't know why Adult Swim has embraced this idea that they have to make shows using low-quality flash animation. I don't know why they continue to use the same voice actors for every freaking series they make. I don't know why they hire middle school boys as writers. At one time I liked Adult Swim. Aqua Teen Hunger Force? Sea Lab? Home Movies? I could watch these shows and find enjoyment in them because they were new and different compared to everything else on television. But when they keep doing the same thing using the same people and the same technology it stops being funny and is just sad.

What makes it worse is that when they get a show like Venture Brothers which is brilliant and well-done they fuck around with it because it costs more to make than shit-shitty-shit-shit flash animation with McGuirk voicing half the characters.

prayer

From:
Sent: Friday, September 14, 2007 10:24 AM
To: Faculty; Admin
Subject: prayer

Dear colleagues,

The different exchanges about “prayer” that we heard yesterday in the faculty meeting clearly indicate patterns of strong opinion and emotion. I think that this issue should not have been resolved by means of a vote. In addition to questioning whether this is a business & academic matter, and whether this has anything to do with “tradition” and “common spiritual goals” , I also question the validity of the procedure used given the restricted amount of time given to debate and necessary reflection after the discussion.

The result of yesterday’s decision is that a substantial number of faculty have openly imposed their will over a large number of their colleagues, not on an academic issue but on a spiritual one. Thus, until yesterday what was for me (raised in another cultural tradition) a meaningless gesture has now become a conscious imposition upon those who think that prayer (regardless of the exact language used) should remain solely within the realm of individual faith and expression. Having heard the word “community” in the faculty meetings often enough for the past year, the action taken yesterday seems to be both a contradiction and an impediment to building such community.

Best,