Sometimes I hate Sprint

I called in to Sprint today because when I try to log on to their site to pay my bill, I am FLATLY refused access, going instead to an invalid password page. When I try to reset my password, I for some reason get the same exact invalid password page. At first I thought that might be a scripting error on the part of the webmaster, but then I realized that Sprint is so fucking smart that they can declare invalid passwords I haven't even thought of yet. Truly I face a powerful enemy.

So then I call their "customer solutions" line, and discover that I had fallen into a trap, because the term above actually means "a liquid mixture composed of dissolved customers", and has little to do with addressing problems, unless you consider solid, undissolved customers a "problem".

First they asked me to enter my phone number. I thought this might be so that they could redirect me to someone local who would be willing to help me, and that may have been the idea, but in reality I think all it does is redirect me to the part of fucking India that 1) handles Midwest Customers and 2) speaks English like an elephant paints*. But before I could even talk to anyone, I had to say aloud the nature of my problem so that I could be further screened. I didn't know what to say, and I was sure "YOUR WEBSITE IS SHIT" would get me hung up on, so I sat in silence until the voice gave me some options. Tech support sounded about right, so I said "Tech Support" and the voice, with a tone of disappointment redirected my call. Upon further reflection, I think the voice sounded disappointed because it thought I hadn't said anything, rendering her explanation useless. I'm sorry voice, I'll try harder next time.

Actually I'm not sorry, because by way of punishment, I was redirected to the lady who apparently takes all the calls from people who don't know what the fuck they're doing. She read down through her dummy sheet with me in an approximation of understandable English, asking for my user name and password (both of which she accepted as correct), and eventually I got to tell her that I couldn't log in to the website to pay my bill.

"Let me check on that..."

And then she comes back a second later and tells me to pay my bill by phone, which I took to mean that the website is borked, please ignore the website. I'd be upset about the website not working, but it was recently redesigned, and it just looks so goddamned fucking cool, and really, if you have a site via which customers give you money, it's far more important for it to look good than it is for it to ACCEPT MONEY. On a related note, I should really check out their Sprint Digital Lounge...hmm...that doesn't seem to work either. No matter. Still looks nice.

Back to the phone call, which was now winding down. She asked if she had answered my question appropriately, and I had to admit that she did, and she asked me if I wanted to stay on the line and pay my bill, which sounded helpful, but I was afraid it meant being cast back into the Customer Solution, so we ended our conversation with the promise that I'd call back later.

In the end, I'm just upset that things aren't working the way I'd like them to, and it's not the ill-will of anyone that this is the case, but rather the well-meaning but insufficient work of people who probably don't get paid enough. Unless I can blame the CEO of Sprint or something. I'd be okay with that.

THE END

* I don't have anything against people from India. I do, however have everything against some guy saving money by making things harder for me. Also, why do people buy elephant paintings? If you want paint put on a canvas haphazardly by someone who doesn't know what they're doing, go find a 3 year old and set him up with some art supplies. Those kids work for free.