Apple: A Day You'll Never Forget.

Monday, November 15th, this appeared on Apple's Homepage:



A day I will never forget? A day that will live in infamy? An announcement of such momentous importance and life-altering consequence that the date of November 16th, 2010 will be forever burned into my memory? You remember where you were when Kennedy was shot, when the Berlin Wall fell, when man landed on the moon, when some brown people flew two planes into some buildings that were in the opening credits to The Critic.

Yes, that never forgettable.

But what could it be? Speculation ran rampant on the internets. Was it an iOS 4.2 update or music subscription service? A new iteration of Ping? Would it be a new data center? Free iPhones for all, useable on any wireless network? Would they release an update rendering the Macbook no longer shitty? An intuitive user interface? Hypercard 2010? Did Steve Jobs get super-cancer? Are turtlenecks now fashionable? No one knew, but everyone waited, tirelessly refreshing Apple's homepage to be the first to know that which would forever change the very fabric of reality itself.

Some doubted the importance of the announcement. Some disbelievers maintained that the news would not be that epic, that this was simply a marketing ploy by an attention whoring technology giant ceaselessly squeezing the shriveled testicles of its enduring fanboy lackeys. But these charlatans and hacks were cast aside, their lack of dedication and appreciation forever clouding any appreciation for this momentous event. This high-minded rhetoric, this claim of an unforgettable quality, must surely indicate news of great heft and importance.

Forums speculated.

Tweeters Tweeted.

Clocks Ticked.

Then, uh, most people went to fucking sleep, because they have jobs.

Finally, the blessed day came; the day we would never forget. Our lives were to be forever changed by this unforgettable, life-altering information forever inscribed onto our very souls:





Yes.


That's right.


That band which wasn't very good but just happened to be in the right place at the right time, four songs by whom you downloaded off Kazaa in the mid 90s?

You can now obtain those songs from iTunes.


...





Apple: Lacking perspective since 1976.