Everyone Is a Sith: 3DS [chat]

Saturday, April 2, 2011

3DS [chat]

Nintendo's 3DS launches this week. Check back for links to forum and blog posts of people complaining about its $249.99 pricetag, the terrible launch titles, its absurd 5-hour battery life, and their impending glaucoma.

28 comments:

_J_ said...: I tried to get excited about the 3DS but the more I thought about it the more it pissed me off. This is mostly because I made a list of what I want from my handheld gaming device and “gives me migraines via completely unnecessary visual tricks” appeared nowhere on the list.

Actually, here is _J_’s Handy-Dandy Mobile Device Assessment Flowchart:

1. Does it provide me access to Diablo 3?
Yes: WINNING!
No: Go to 2.

2. Can it run World of Warcraft?
Yes: Sweet! We’re good.
No: Go to 3.

3. Does it has pokeymans?
Yes: Man, I do love pokeymans.
No: Go to 4.

4. Is it basically a tablet PC with intuitive internet browsing via wifi hotspots or free 3G/4G?
Yes: Alright, well, I guess a new mobile porn device is kinda cool.
No: Go to 5.

5. Does it solve the problem of other minds?
Yes: Well, that was a pleasant surprise.
No: Jesus fucking…ok, I no longer give a shit.

The 3DS did not fare well. Now, of course, some “in the future” 3DS may satisfy a requirement. But right now it’s just a $250 glaucoma machine.; March 27, 2011 at 4:37 AM
Mike Lewis said...: Yes on all points.

Its like of a real web browser or diabo 3 makes it a big fail. Terrell got one last night.; March 27, 2011 at 3:45 PM
_J_ said...: Let's get this party started!

"3D effects can look cool, but for pretty-much every game I tried the 3D effect added nothing to the gameplay, so I felt more comfortable turning off the 3D and not having to worry about keeping the 3DS perfectly still."

Yeah. That's the stuff.

I'd like to know how Terrell feels about having 250 less dollars than he did prior to buying a 3DS. I am also curious about the Mii RPG it comes with.; March 27, 2011 at 4:21 PM
Roscoe said...: Did anyone besides Kyle see the very impressive mini-games video demo Ashcraft did on Kotaku?

Because.. honestly, the AR work that machine CAN do hella intrigues me for a sort of Magical Realism in Gameplay.

It's very much a case of the New Design Dilemma - Unfamiliar tech scares people because it's not what we know, and doesn't do what we expect. And for producers to LEARN what it can do, we're going to be subjected to shovelware and crap tricks first.

Just like the Wii, just like the DS, and really, just like the move from cartridge to disc based game media.; March 27, 2011 at 4:36 PM
_J_ said...: I wrote a reply, but blogger ated it.

The augment reality capabilities of the machine are interesting. At some point there will be a Yu Gi Oh-esque game that utilizes these abilities to replicate the card battle style of the cartoon. That may be pretty great.

But with the inroads Apple has made into the mobile gaming market, and the prominence of portable, mobile computing platforms that do not supplement home computing devices but rather are primary computing devices, Nintendo needed to release something that could stem the tide of Apple’s advance and confound our expectations for what mobile gaming could be.

3D graphics ain’t that.

Nintendo seems to think it is still the mid-90s and have given no indication that they recognize where mobile computing is headed and the prevalence of online gaming. I mean, for Christ’s fucking sake, it is 2011 and Nintendo’s newest handheld device still requires friend codes.

What. The. Fuck.

Plus the lack of a web browser. Plus the lack of homebrew support. Plus the shitty launch titles. Plus the 5 hour battery life. Plus the minuscule screen size. Plus the stunted processor power. And did I mention that their mobile gaming device only has 5 hours of battery life? I mean, sure, it comes with a charging cradle. But the point of a MOBILE device is that it is MOBILE. “Has to be plugged in” is not fucking MOBILE.

Also, it does not run Diablo 3.; March 27, 2011 at 5:56 PM
Roscoe said...: "Nintendo seems to think it is still the mid-90s and have given no indication that they recognize where mobile computing is headed and the prevalence of online gaming. I mean, for Christ’s fucking sake, it is 2011 and Nintendo’s newest handheld device still requires friend codes."

This. Man, I get everyONE of the massive flaws you're pointing at. But that 90's dig? Is classic Old Man Bitching. It's what you did for the Wii, and now all three game systems have Wii analogues. It's what you did for the DS Touch Screen, and now everyone's using touch screen phones.

You're conflating mobile gaming with moblie pc gaming, which.. is a bit of a foolish mistake to make, even as it smacks of Twisp and Catsby-esque "It's not FOR you"-ism.

I mean, I'm honestly not too sold on buying one yet.. but.. damned if I'm not intrigued and fairly certain the issues you're harp the worst on are unfounded.; March 27, 2011 at 6:51 PM
Caleb said...: But, I played this trap card.; March 27, 2011 at 6:57 PM
Roscoe said...: You're Harp?

Man, I'm crap.

Unless.. you haven't become an irish lager man, have you?; March 27, 2011 at 6:59 PM
Caleb said...: Just chiming in.; March 27, 2011 at 7:06 PM
_J_ said...: So, I have to order Evangelion 2.22 via Amazon, since the local Best Buy cut back its anime section. I am looking for more products to pump my order up to get free shipping and I find this wall scroll which is so fucking awesome-tastic that I want it.

But the scroll is $23, and its shipping is crazy-go-nuts expensive. But I wants it. But it's crazy-go-nuts espensive.

GRRRRR; March 28, 2011 at 2:37 AM
_J_ said...: I guess there is no reason why I could not link to the page.; March 28, 2011 at 2:37 AM
_J_ said...: Right now I am imagining how my life would be better were that scroll hanging on my wall.

If I had the scroll on my wall I could look to the right and see it. Right now I just see a white wall.

And when people came over they would see the scroll and be all "man, that looks cool."

Other times I could move the scroll, and it would be over there instead of over there. Man, that'd be great.

Plus i'm pretty sure it would ship in a cardboard tube, so I'd have a cardboard tube.; March 28, 2011 at 2:41 AM
_J_ said...: Yeah, $14 to ship the damn thing.

GRAAAAAAA.

Maybe I'll just pay $300+ to go to Anime Central and buy the scroll there, to save $14 on shipping. Yeah...yeah that's the best plan ever.; March 28, 2011 at 2:47 AM
_J_ said...: @Roscoe: So, you like friend codes? Friend codes are the bestest way to handle online gaming, ever?; March 28, 2011 at 3:16 AM
Roscoe said...: Friend codes are absurd. We both agree on that. BUT? They didn't seem to really hurt sales of the DS, despite everyone moaning about them back when you were hauling your phat around.

And they obviously work as a selling point for parents, buying for kids. Or did you happen to forget about markets other than you, yourself, and your id?; March 28, 2011 at 4:41 PM
Roscoe said...: For that matter? Aside from moving pokemons around, how much online travel based play do you really DO, sir?; March 28, 2011 at 4:42 PM
_J_ said...: Aww, teh 3DS has a pwobwem that makes its widdle screen go black.

Sucky. I'm curious as to why the problem has not been noticed in Japan given that they've had the damn thing for a month.; March 29, 2011 at 12:17 AM
Caleb said...: Yeah, there's been nothing else going on there. They should have noticed this 3DS problem.; March 29, 2011 at 5:21 PM
Mike Lewis said...: do you have an .edu email address?

if so you get get amazon prime get two day shipping for free.; March 29, 2011 at 5:46 PM
_J_ said...: Wow. 3 gets?

That shit is getty.; March 30, 2011 at 3:17 AM
Caleb said...: I setup an RSS for Sith comments. It's neat that this post is still so active: http://everyoneisasith.blogspot.com/2008/08/sarah-pailin-baby.html; March 30, 2011 at 7:41 PM
Roscoe said...: Poor Johnny Maverick. How can he live up to his name when he's followed by imitators?; March 31, 2011 at 12:52 AM
MA17 said...: 3DS

Wireless is switched on/off using an actual physical switch on the outside of the device, rather than relying on software. (Awesome)

Screen brightness can be changed via a menu that is accessible from the home screen. The home screen can be reached by temporarily suspending a 3DS game. (Awesome)

Volume is once more controlled by a slider rather than by + and - buttons allowing you to make sure the volume is off before opening or turning on the device. (Awesome)

Remembering that the stylus slot has moved again is hard. (Not awesome)

As a DS, the 3DS is mostly awesome.; March 31, 2011 at 6:14 PM
Mike Lewis said...: @caleb of all the comments to get spammed it has to be that one.; March 31, 2011 at 9:31 PM
Unknown said...: if anybody wants to be my friend in the 3ds it is 0903149363; April 8, 2011 at 11:45 PM
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Everyone Is a Sith

Saturday, April 2, 2011

3DS [chat]

28 comments:

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