Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Cowboys & Aliens: It's really quite good.

In the tradition of Snakes on a Plane, Cowboys & Aliens utilizes titular clarity to make explicit what it is all about. In deviation from Snakes on a Plane, though, Cowboys & Aliens delivers more than simply Cowboys and Aliens. This is a well-shot, well-acted, solid summer film that strives beyond the requirements of its title to deliver a cinematic experience the totality of which will cause any reasonable person to conclude, “That was much better than I was expecting.” It’s like...you know how at the end of Constantine you thought, "That film was better than it deserved to be”? Cowboys & Aliens is like that. You go in expecting goofy shit, yet receive something that was worth your time and money. Plus, the dialog contains enough pauses that it will one day serve for a nice Rifftrax.

[Spoilers from this point on.]

Cowboy Daniel Craig awakens alone in the desert with both a large metal bracelet and amnesia (Read that ‘amnesia’ in the way MA17 / Hedonism Bot would say it). He makes his way to a town, whereupon the town’s sheriff recognizes Craig to be a fiendish outlaw and so apprehends him. As the townsfolk gather to watch Cowboy Craig’s imprisoned departure, aliens attack, since, well, that’s what the title promised us. The aliens cattle rustle away most of the town’s inhabitants before Cowboy Craig realizes that his handy-dandy bracelet doubles as a kick-ass plasma cannon and he guns down one of the alien ships. Realizing that the arm-gun provides them with a fighting chance, they embark upon a pursuit of the aliens to rescue the captured townsfolk.

Up to that point we’re good. But then there’s Olivia Wilde, whose character serves as an incredibly sexy foundation for the film’s MacGuffin.

See, Cowboys & Aliens tries to be more than just Snakes on a Plane, tries to be more than the cinematic execution of a novel idea. In many respects it succeeds at being more than “Cowboy James Bond and Cowboy Angry Han Solo / Indiana Jones fight aliens”. But it strives beyond its titular promises by way of Olivia Wilde’s character, who, sadly, just fails to make any god-damned sense at all. She is the plot device by which the Cowboys and the Indians recognize their commonality and so combine their forces against the aliens. It’s supposed to be an inversion of that classic motif of cowboys versus Indians, us versus them, by portraying the cowboys and Indians as the us, and the aliens as the them. Yet to get this team going, we need a common resource to serve as the point of conflict. What that resource turns out to be is, well, here’s the dialog, as I remember it:

Cowboy Harrison Ford: What do they [the aliens] want?

Olivia Wilde: They want your gold.

Cowboy Harrison Ford: (Flustered) But that’s…that’s ridiculous!

Olivia Wilde: Yeah, the aliens are just as surprised as you are.

Yeah, the aliens are trying to steal our gold. And Olivia Wilde is a shapeshifting alien from another planet, whose gold was stolen, and so she came to earth to stop the bad aliens from stealing more gold. She’s like a sexy version of Ron Paul…or something.

Ok. That part is stupid. I’ll grant you that the plot, with respect to the aliens being intergalactic claim jumpers, is kind of retarded.

But if you ignore the stupid shit, what remains is some spectacular acting, compelling character development, and, you know, cowboys fighting aliens. Harrison Ford is great and Daniel Craig once again disappears into a character to deliver a spectacular performance. The film also offers well-crafted moments of peripheral character development. From the orphaned child’s transition into manhood, to various characters overcoming previous adversities, the movie does some things quite well. And there’s a dog that follows Craig around being all doggy and awesome. I mean, that’s cool, right? He’s a cowboy dog. And he kinda fights an alien at one point.

Ok, you’re still stuck on the aliens thievin’ our gold, aren’t you? Well, what if I tell you that Olivia Wilde is, at one point, wet, in a very tight-fitting, light-colored dress? Will that make it up to you? Plus there’s this:



She has really pretty eyes. And she's single now.

Look, it’s a good movie that happens to contain a stupid plot element. Everything else is quite, surpringly, well done! They fight some aliens, they learn some lessons, Olivia Wilde gets wet, and a dog runs around being great. It’s a nice, fresh take on classic westerns that rehumanizes the genre by pitting humans against aliens rather than pitting white humans against not-quite-as-white humans. It’s a tale of humanity versus non-humanity, with Olivia Wilde as a sexy, shapeshifting alien who is there for exposition, plot points, and boobs.

I give Cowboys & Aliens one cowboy dog out of a possible no cowboy dogs.

34 comments:

Mike Lewis said...

Nope. It was really quite terrible. Post coming later.

_J_ said...

I eagerly anticipate your post.

Roscoe said...

Is the movie improved at all by the unstated assumption that she's really Dr. 13 and/or Quorra?

Becuase... if Cowboy-Dad of She Who Hangs out with Polar Bears in Armor in That There AlternaNarnia Flick and Cowboy-Jack Ryan after Jack Donneghy Decided to Perfect Six Sigma Convection Ovens (or is that Cowboy-Hunts Proto-Cylons for Proto-Adama and his Origami Unicorns?)... only to run into 13-as-Pinkie Pie the Saloon Madam?

Then you can be sure it's all a Vicodin inspired feverdream skit of Fry and Laurie.

_J_ said...

Man, that middle paragraph. You kind of lost control of that reference train, didn't you?

Roscoe said...

.. Was having too much fun.. but yeah. Been up way too long.. and.. when I realized I could do the Jack Ryan thing? Well. ..

I like the idea that Han Solo took up being Mike Lewis' favorite disposable military op character when Donneghy started mentoring Lemon.

Anonymous said...

maeu longchamp bags LbwPri 5428
longchamp outlet yodn http://www.longchampbagspurse.com/ longchamp outlet

Jlfad bteklv longchamp handbags 2258
longchamp outlet yiac http://www.longchamphandbagsusa.com/ longchamp outlet

wxnm longchamp sale FxqCh paris m 7016
longchamp outlet zqdf http://www.longchampsalepurse.com/ longchamp outlet

Jxovz drehvf longchamp le pliage yhf7522
longchamp outlet szjz http://www.longchamplepliageus.com/ longchamp outlet

Xifgt longchamp saixra
Jmr longchamp outlet vw fnr longchamp paris jqx
Qsvwu longchamp pzqc long champ gm longchamp sale lnlwrm
Lxa longchamp outlet wf nqb longchamp paris ebp
Rgt longchamp le pliage zf longchamp fnf longchamp le pliage imn
Bai longchamp outlet wz pd longchamp bags q longchamp paris lgq

Anonymous said...

http://usmcwives.com/members/usawzjttw/activity/5838

http://boards.slackersunite.com/topic.php?id=74745&replies=1#post-95718

http://atswarband.com/forum/topic/wwwlouisvuittonoutletonlineukcom-hun24#post-29980

http://forum.takincontrol.com/topic.php?id=23302&replies=1#post-26074

http://dev3.lancelona.org/members/usaotfyux/activity/52837

http://occupythecorneroffice.com/members/usaltviag/activity/145547

http://www.thesceneministry.com/forum/topic.php?id=127589&replies=1#post-161444

http://laxmiinfotek.com/Forum/?q=node/9704

http://www.another71.com/cpa-exam-forum/topic/wwwhermesbagusacom-104293#post-221615

http://eduskimple.org/dk/?q=node/58519

http://mind.kz/view/post:174943

http://www.deanna-durbin.com/forum/topic.php?id=149184&replies=1#post-164113

http://getbentrecords.com/board/topic.php?id=221027&replies=1#post-238891

http://culturalformulation.com/members/usabcivcd/activity/3470

http://cheekycams.tv/blogs/entry/www-longchamphandbagsusa-com-ab2475

http://sphelp.sofarider.com/topic/wwwhoustontexansjerseyuscom-559?replies=1#post-42798

http://www.pischna.net/seminar/bbs/topic.php?id=3348&replies=1#post-3979

http://www.idiscuz.com/view/post:19370

http://assetinvestmenttrust.com/aitblog/members/usabcivcd/activity/13942

http://www.kizirli.com/forum/topic.php?id=16009&replies=1#post-20235

http://www.kitageng.com/view/post:22008

Anonymous said...

jgaa longchamp bags HngKtg 2752
longchamp outlet zydg http://www.longchampbagspurse.com/ longchamp outlet

Jkrqh ejyvsa longchamp handbags 8211
longchamp outlet qwpo http://www.longchamphandbagsusa.com/ longchamp outlet

lcbn longchamp sale NljKz paris l 5398
longchamp outlet kjjb http://www.longchampsalepurse.com/ longchamp outlet

Ddlwv nsoayi longchamp le pliage hys6908
longchamp outlet kiln http://www.longchamplepliageus.com/ longchamp outlet

Spmcl longchamp loshvb
Ihm longchamp outlet qj qds longchamp paris zzz
Hmkxi longchamp sngk long champ fj longchamp sale nwxpwu
Qjo longchamp outlet xc cxb longchamp paris zyu
Gug longchamp le pliage jt longchamp rvj longchamp le pliage hyx
Uyq longchamp outlet cj bt longchamp bags h longchamp paris uvj

Anonymous said...

http://foro.conagra.cl/topic.php?id=6640&replies=1#post-10300

http://www.smithersmpls.com/bbpress/topic.php?id=256489#post-263688

http://teamlcc.com/bbpress/topic.php?id=356407&replies=1#post-382670

http://www.london-league.co.uk/members/usaamix/activity/77563

http://iaspm-us.net/bbpress/topic.php?id=199515&replies=1#post-206596

http://1sitebusiness.com/members/usaboxlox/activity/2896

http://stressy.net/forum/topic.php?id=23530

http://www.elvenprog.com/forum/bbpress/topic.php?id=22958&replies=1#post-27688

http://www.acaseofdoordie.com/bbpress/topic/wwwlongchampbagspursecom-dl6860#post-28600

http://discussitall.net/groups/www-longchampbagspurse-com-dl6777/

http://www.bizforfriends.com/members/usahspnbj/activity/27938

http://www.thehighgradegeek.com/Forum/topic/69886?replies=1#post-70854

http://forums.blomiclum.com/topic/wwwlongchampbagspursecom-dl6974#post-153259

http://mrkpatent.ru/bbpress/topic.php?id=1853&replies=1#post-4340

http://www.fiance2wife.com/forum/topic.php?id=324303&replies=1#post-326983

http://realtyaruba.com/forum/topic/wwwlouisvuittonwalletusaukcom-2267?replies=1#post-108646

http://www.hawaiipighunter.com/members/usafhdttf/activity/102032/

http://omyth.com/pages/view/100439/wwwlouisvuittonbagsusaukcom-52174

http://ylsnow.ru/forum/topic/wwwlouisvuittonwalletusaukcom-2210?replies=1#post-11510

http://50.22.71.94/~ritsproj/mazelpages.com/members/usalixne/activity/6229

http://www.hollywoodwhistle.com/topic/wwwlouisvuittonwalletusaukcom-2111?replies=1#post-126739

Anonymous said...

tQgx michael kors purses
rHim fer a lisser ghd
lVeb north face coats
8eCxg ugg boots uk
8rSfk michael kors handbags

Anonymous said...

7zBke ghd hair straightener
xKpm cheap ugg boots uk
eVnh michael kors sale
5jHav GHD Hair Straightener
0uJbp burberry bags
4iGwp bottes ugg
4oTjp ghd
9zKee louis vuitton sale
4vBmn Michael Kors
7vVyg ghd offers
0mGib ugg boots cheap
5xQrk cheap nfl jerseys
7gAas michael kors
4oZyr Lisseur GHD
1eUyt cheap uggs

Anonymous said...

zRni ghd flat iron
iOnz ugg boots sale
rYve michael kors outlet
3jVbh GHD Australia
3xVym burberry store
4jFzl ugg france
2dAsv ghd hair straighteners
3aPqr louis vuitton handbags
3tOwg michael kors purses
9iUxf ghd hair straightener
9sNxg ugg boots cheap
2xMau wholesale nfl jerseys
6rNic michael kors outlet
9rGer ghd lisseur
0kJnu ugg boots

Anonymous said...

cheap ugg boots sale sayhfaww cheap ugg boots uk uvagjyig cheap ugg boots uuiftxwj cheap uggs jidmyazl ugg boots sale uk bgznutaz ugg boots sale uhlebdxu ugg boots uk hhetzugi ugg boots yxskimrp ugg sale wzzzpfrw

Anonymous said...

tramadol online no prescription tramadol online florida - tramadol 50 mg for anxiety

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online order tramadol online usa - tramadol hcl and acetaminophen

Anonymous said...

xanax sale free xanax no prescription - buy xanax online no prescription needed

Anonymous said...

xanax cheap xanax bars ingredients - extended release xanax 2mg

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol 100mg sr - buy tramadol online usa

Anonymous said...

tramadol without prescription tramadol dosage in dogs - withdrawal from tramadol addiction

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online generic cialis free shipping - http://www.cialis-online-shop

Anonymous said...

generic xanax yellow xanax bars 039 - xanax for anxiety in dogs

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol tramadol 100mg buy online - tramadol 200 mg withdrawal

Anonymous said...

xanax generic xanax xr dosage - xanax side effects on the brain

Anonymous said...

DgpCwv [url=http://www.cheap2airjordansshoes.com/]Air Jordan[/url] XqoEkb http://www.cheap2airjordansshoes.com/
LpuZhg [url=http://www.cheap4airjordansshoes.com/]Retro Jordan Shoes[/url] RgjVcv http://www.cheap4airjordansshoes.com/
RquWkk [url=http://www.cheap4nikeairjordans.com/]Cheap Jordan Shoes[/url] UjpGhm http://www.cheap4nikeairjordans.com/
KlwMwo [url=http://www.cheapnikeairjordans2.com/]Jordan Shoe[/url] BmrHod http://www.cheapnikeairjordans2.com/
TvgExi [url=http://www.headphone2beatsbydre.com/]Beats By Dre Studio[/url] VfkOdt http://www.headphone2beatsbydre.com/
GjrQyv [url=http://www.monsterbeats7beatsbydre.com/]Beats By Dre[/url] DnvJey http://www.monsterbeats7beatsbydre.com/
DqlLtp [url=http://www.monsterbeats8beatsbydre.com/]Beats By Dre Studio[/url] KdiAaf http://www.monsterbeats8beatsbydre.com/
PqlRlo [url=http://www.headphones4beatsbydre.com/]Monster Beats By Dre[/url] QqvNnt http://www.headphones4beatsbydre.com/

Anonymous said...

xanax online long do effects xanax take kick - xanax withdrawal diarrhea

Anonymous said...

order cialis no prescription cheap cialis 20mg pills - buy generic cialis online review

Anonymous said...

xanax online xanax street price 2012 - xanax 2 side effects

Anonymous said...

cialis online cheap cialis generic usa - buy cheap cialis online us

Anonymous said...

cialis online cialis online australia - cialis price us

Anonymous said...

http://landvoicelearning.com/#51438 buy tramadol online safely - tramadol for back pain

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online buy tramadol 150 mg - buy tramadol faq

Anonymous said...

tramadol buy tramadol overdose symptoms dogs - generic tramadol 100mg

Anonymous said...

http://ranchodelastortugas.com/#37284 xanax dosage for cats - xanax pills alcohol

Unknown said...

www1126



prada handbags
bottega veneta
michael kors outlet
fidget spinner
ray ban sunglasses
kate spade handbags
clarks outlet

canadian goose
ralph lauren polo