Which / That [chat]

"That" introduces essential clauses while "which" introduces nonessential clauses.

Essential clause: I like candy that is sweet.
Nonessential clause: I like candy which is delicious.

"That is sweet" is an essential clause. Since not all candy is sweet, the clause is essential to the reader's understanding of which category of candy one likes. Absent this clause, a reader could mistakenly think that one likes non-sweet candy.

"Which is delicious" is a nonessential clause. Since all candy is delicious, the clause "which is delicious" modifies all members of the category "candy" and indicates no essential information.

Except that one could define candy as "that which is sweet" and, so, the first clause would not be essential given that "is sweet" modifies all candy, under this understanding of candy. Furthermore, not all candy is delicious. Licorice, for example, is a candy which is not delicious. But...what if Licorice is, in fact, delicious and I have failed in my discernment of deliciousness? Or what if Licorice is not delicious, yet you think it is? So, "which is delicious" needs to be "that is delicious", given the possibility of candies...that are not delicious? ...which are not delicious? How would one know if all candies are sweet or delicious? Are sweetness or deliciousness subjective or objective qualities? What of candy? Is that which I call "candy" that which you call "candy"? Whence "candy-ness" and does "candy-ness" contain sweetness or deliciousness?


OH FUCKS!!!

Keith Olbermann: The Final Countdown

Keith Olbermann announced that tonight's episode is the final Countdown. His contract was, apparently, terminated.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

One last Friday with Thurber:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

New York Times Article

In a statement, MSNBC said : “MSNBC and Keith Olbermann have ended their contract. The last broadcast of ‘Countdown with Keith Olbermann’ will be this evening. MSNBC thanks Keith for his integral role in MSNBC’s success and we wish him well in his future endeavors.”

But first, you've got to get mad.

Miss America is Still a Thing

One Images that it won't be after this performance.

Toowoomba Flood 2011.01.10

Quite a bit of water.

Dark Days [chat]

Ophiuchus: Snakes are Wangs

A while ago I met someone who actually believed in astrology. This was interesting given how fucking retarded astrology is. Despite its idiocy, though, I am somewhat pleased by the news that there is a new astrological sign, Ophiuchus, and it happens to be my sign, which is awesome.

For years I was plagued by my status as a Sagittarius. Women wouldn't date me. Fate forsook me. And why not? My sign was a gay-ass centaur clopping around on cloven hooves. But now? Now I am Ophiuchus, a dude fighting a gigantic snake. How fucking awesome is that? And, I mean, for all I can tell, that snake is actually a gigantic wang; I have no reason to think it is not. I have magically gone from half-man/half-horse to dude fighting his own gigantic wang in the stars.

This is the shit dreams are made of.

According to science, or the International Business Times, the real reason the Zodiac signs changed is something about the Earth's rotation or gravity or something. But that's not important. What is truly important is what my new sign says about me:

Like Imhotep, Ophiuchus is considered a healer of men and a doctor of medicine or science. He seeks higher education and enlightenment. He is expected to achieve a high position in life.

Ophiucus (I) is (am) a healer of men, bitches. AND let's not forget that he's (I'm) fighting his (my) gigantic wang in space. Check it out:



Dude is wrestling his wang.



Check that shit out. Gigantic fucking snake-wang in the sky. Or how about this:



Yeah. That's...um...SHUT UP IT'S A GIGANTIC SPACE SNAKE DICK!

So laugh it up while you can, Christian Science Monitor. Astrology is silly? You'll be singing a different tune once we Ophiuchusesesseses embrace our newly found space-snake-wang fighting powers and...battle our space snake wangs...in space...or something.

God damn, astrology is stupid. But how great is it that the scientific explanation of the shift in zodiac signs contains the word "wobble"?

Bond 23: November 9, 2012

Having found some wads of cash stashed away under a matress, MGM announced today that the 23rd Bond film shall go into production later this year, with an "official" release date of November 9, 2012.

One hopes that Bond 23 will continue the 'Quantum' storyline or, at the very least, not descend into Brosnan levels of stupidity.