I have your "special counsel" right here.

Senate Democrats have apparently called for a special counsel to probe whether Attorney General Alberto Gonzales perjured himself during his testimony regarding the firing of U.S. attorneys and the domestic surveillance program.

Probing, eh? That sounds difficult. Now, I'm not a fancy lawyer with a fancy lawyering degree, and I have no experience legally probing things (or do i?) but let's see if I can find any evidence that shows Gonzales perjuring himself. But before I do that let me hop over to msnbc.com and read one of their latest articles. You know, just as a bit of a break.

“The dissent related to other intelligence activities,” Gonzales testified at Tuesday’s hearing. “The dissent was not about the terrorist surveillance program.”

“Not the TSP?” responded Sen. Charles E. Schumer, D-N.Y. “Come on. If you say it’s about other, that implies not. Now say it or not.”

“It was not,” Gonzales answered. “It was about other intelligence activities.”

A four-page memo from the national intelligence director’s office says the White House briefing with the eight lawmakers on March 10, 2004, was about the terror surveillance program, or TSP.

Well, that was certainly difficult.

Senate Democrats? I know you are old and out of touch with reality. I know you read Locke in college and thought he was a sensible guy with great ideas. But how about we skip all that stupid-ass bullshit and just buy a vcr, television and then visit a Kinkos. Here's what you do. At Kinkos you print out all of the memos you have which refute the testimony of Gonzales on big sheets of paper so those near-sighted pedophiles you work with can read them. Then you mount those printouts on a wall somewhere. Say, the walls of the capital. After this you put the television next to the display, attach the vcr to the television, put the tapes of Gonzales testifying in the VCR and hit "Play". If at any point in this you are confused, you doddering old diaper shitters, you can ask any three year old nearby to help.

Then after this is set up and the tape is playing you stand back and you fucking point at it. And you don't stop pointing until all of those shit-for-brains asshole Senators look at it and exclaim, "Holy fucking shit! He lied!"

You can handle pointing, right?