Monday, September 12, 2011

Downy Unstoppables: A Rainbow Up Your Nose



Couple things.

First, the guy asks "who is she?" and crazy-bitch-in-a-dress replies "New Downy Unstoppables". Does this mean that crazy-bitch-in-a-dress is New Downy Unstoppables? If so, why is she holding the container in which she resides? Or is this like a beer commercial, in which utilization of a product results in the appearance of women? Given the structure of the question and response, we have to conclude that crazy-bitch-in-a-dress is New Downy Unstoppables.

Second, crazy-bitch-in-a-dress proclaims that she is "here to shake up your fresh." Yet she then proceeds to shake the container of Downy Unstoppables. Are the Downy Unstoppables "your fresh", if so, how is "your fresh" in that container? Also if so, if she is Downy Unstoppables, and "your fresh", which she shakes, is Downy Unstoppables, then would she not need to shake herself? Or is she simply proclaiming that Downy Unstoppables shakes one’s fresh, and she then provides a sample of shaking via her shaking of an unrelated thing?

Third, "like a cheerleader on espresso." Is this a comment on energy and exuberance? Espresso has less caffeine than coffee, and many other beverages. Cheerleaders offer a fake, staged energy. Is New Downy Unstoppables a genuinely energetic cleaning aid, or a staged cleaning aid intent on getting knocked up after binging on wine coolers?

Fourth, "Toss these little scent-boosters in before you wash!" Ok, now I'm really confused. I thought the product was crazy-bitch-in-a-dress, Downy Unstoppables. But now we are told that the container, which was previously shaken, actually contains scent-boosters. Are scent-boosters different from Downy Unstoppables, or crazy-bitch-in-a-dress? Or are "Downy Unstoppables" the scent-boosters, the crazy-bitch-in-a-dress? What, exactly, is the product and what is the referent for Downy Unstoppables? Am I to purchase the bitch, the scent boosters, or Downy Unstoppables?

Fifth, "The fresh scent will last until you're ready to wash again." How do they know the time schedule upon which I wash my clothing? Is this a guarantee of freshness until anyone would be ready to wash again, or, rather, is this a statement that upon the removal of the fresh scent, one will wash again? The latter seems to be an empty statement: "Smells fresh until it no longer smells fresh, thus prompting a rewashing." Any product, presumably, meets that criteria! So, to be a novel idea, it must be the case that the use of Downy Unstoppables results in a fresh scent until such a time as "you're ready to wash again." But what if I only want to wash my clothing once, ever? Is this everlasting freshness?

Sixth, "ooo!" Did crazy-bitch-in-a-dress, Downy Unstoppables, just get off by sitting on the washing machine? Is this to say that Downy Unstoppables offers an orgasm of freshness?

Seventh, "And this fresh scent will last?" Note that crazy-bitch-in-a-dress, Downy Unstoppables, does not answer the question. Instead, she states, "It's like you shoved a rainbow up your nose," which, I thought, was a tagline already reserved for cocaine.

Eighth, "I should go." But, wait! Our clothing was just washed, resulting in a fresh scent, and yet after this one smell crazy-bitch-in-a-dress, Downy Unstoppables, "should go"? Does that mean that the scent, too, must go? Or does this indicate that Downy Unstoppables leaves after washing, yet the scent remains?

Ninth, "New Downy Unstoppables; the fresh!" Wait wait wait. First we were told that crazy-bitch-in-a-dress is Downy Unstoppables. Then we were told that the little scent boosters are Downy Unstoppables. And now we are told that Downy Unstoppables is "the fresh"? What is this, "the fresh"? And is "the fresh" some third thing, or the same as the little scent boosters, and crazy-bitch-in-a-dress? How can one product be a crazy-bitch-in-a-dress, scent boosters, and "the fresh"? Is there no freshness without Downy Unstoppables, or is Downy Unstoppables one form of the fresh?

Tenth, "Too feisty to quit." I'm not sure that I want feisty anywhere near my clothing. Additionally, how can fresh be feisty? If Downy Unstoppables is too feisty to quit, then why were we previously told that "the fresh scent will last until you're ready to wash again." As this statement implies a termination of the fresh scent, how can the product then be proclaimed to be "too feisty to quit" since it, obviously, quits?

Eleventh, I just recognized crazy-bitch-in-a-dress. Oh…god…Amy Sedaris is Downy Unstoppables? Amy Sedaris is The Fresh?!?!

64 comments:

kylebrown said...

The face she makes after saying, "The fresh scent will last until you're ready to wash again." is fantastic. That scene alone makes me think she is a stalker in the house, which has been caught. In response she grabbed something off the shelf to distract and buy herself time to make a clean escape.

Caleb said...

make a clean escape

Ba-dum tish.

_J_ said...

"The face she makes after saying, "The fresh scent will last until you're ready to wash again.""

The smile-frown-smile? I missed that because I only focused on the words.

Yeah, that's definately, "Alright this seems to be working, oh shit they might call the cops any minu-, oh wait he's looking at me again."


Also, as caleb noted, "make a clean escape" is definately /clap.

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