EA to FOX: Be Less Wrong

EA Calls FOX Out on "Insulting" Mass Effect Inaccuracies

Update: EA Still Saying Words. FOX Still Doesn't Care.

Wait, THAT'S Heath Ledger?

Upon hearing the news that (spoiler alert) Heath Ledger died I didn't really care except to say that it ensured there would be no Brokeback Mountain II: The Secret of Dicksuckle Creek.

Then I got on the IMDB and discovered that Heath Ledger was not only the guy from Brokeback Mountain, but he was also the guy who got to kiss Julia Stiles (perfect) in 10 Things I Hate About You and that fucking ponce from A Knight's Tale; the movie which answered the question: "Why has no one ever made a movie in which people joust to the musical stylings of AC/DC and Queen?"

Which made me wonder why in all of these write ups of his death we get statements like this:

"It was a shocking end to a career built on unpredictability. Ledger avoided the safe path in favor of roles that forced him to bury his Australian accent and downplay his leading-man looks"

Really, Associated Press? Have you seen 10 Things I Hate About You? Have you seen A Knight's Tale?

If you want to blow this up to be a tragic loss of a shining gem of the Silver Screen then, fine, do so. With the presidential primaries, the war in Iraq, and the stock market going down like, um, Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain (zing!), it's not like you have anything to really write about.

But let's be fair and celebrate the man's entire catalog. Starting with Roar:

10 Million WoW subscribers.

World of Warcraft reaches 10 Million Mark

To answer a question we had previously:

World of Warcraft subscribers include individuals who have paid a subscription fee or have an active prepaid card to play World of Warcraft, as well as those who have purchased the game and are within their free month of access. Internet Game Room players who have accessed the game over the last thirty days are also counted as subscribers. The above definition excludes all players under free promotional subscriptions, expired or cancelled subscriptions, and expired prepaid cards. Subscribers in licensees' territories are defined along the same rules.

So no, Mikey, you are not part of that 10 Million.

Noob.

The Nuance of Equality.

Equality in a social sense is a nuanced term with contextual, situational implications which transcend the mundane and completely idiotic simplification of, "We want to be treated equally."

Today there is an article about Mexico's new "Women Only" busses. On the day after Martin Luther King Jr. day? The timing is too perfect to ignore.

You see, women are sometimes harassed or groped or verbally abused on multi-sexual Mexican busses. Since not harassing or groping or verbally abusing women is obviously an unattainable goal, new Women Only busses were created to, hopefully, provide a means by which women can use public transport and not be treated poorly by Mexican assholes. A sensible solution? Sure. Except when applied to the idea of equality. "Women only" busses are not equal. Women only busses are a form of segregation. And if you recall what we were supposed to recall yesterday, segregation is bad. Which is why, according to Beatriz Perez, the new Women Only busses are, "wonderful".

So how, you know, THE FUCK, are we supposed to make sense of this?

This situation can only be understood once one casts aside the ignorantly simplified and incorrect notion that people desire "equality". No one wants equality; we are not all equal. We differ in gender and sex and abilities and physique and personality and race and culture and preferences and goals and hopes and dreams and a multitude of other facets of our being.

What we want is respect and a recognition of our own unique abilities divorced from stereotypes and idiotic notions of "who we are" based upon classification; we want a recognition that we are all human-fucking-beings deserving of respect by virtue of our humanity. And that? That's not "equality".

That is why Women Only busses are sensible and "we want to be treated equally" is a ditch-fuckingly stupid, misleading, and incorrect phrase used by dolts more concerned with presenting an appearance than articulating a sensible point of view.

Unless, of course, I am incorrect and we really do want to be treated equally. In which case Women Only busses are a pox on the women of Mexico despite how wonderful 73-year-old Beatriz Perez may think they are.

Bush's $800 solution.

So we all know that stocks are falling, the fed cut rates by 3/4 of a percentage point, and the word "recession" is as common on CNBC as "Islamofascist" is on The O'Reilly Factor. And if you don't know these things then I'd suggest you stop reading and go back to calmly huming to yourself as you remain ignorant of the world in which you live.

For those of you still reading, however, I would like to offer a piece of advice: Don't let George W. Bush fuck things up any worse than they already are. Because "fucked up" is exactly how things will be if W enacts his little, "I'll fix the economy by giving everyone $800, huyuck." strategy.

And I don't need to understand economics to know this. I simply need to understand George W. "when history was written the final page will say" Bush. If motherfucker can't understand the differences between past, present and future tense then motherfucker can't understand the economy. If only because the tense system is very simple and economics is incredibly complex.

What is that $800 supposed to do, anyway? Let's say that everyone in the United States had an extra $800. Ok. How does that fix the housing market? How does that fix loan rates and energy costs? What is it supposed to do? Everyone in the United States pays off $800 of credit card debt and those of us without credit card debt (financially responsible pricks) put $785 into our savings account and use $15 to pay our World of Warcraft bill for a month.

Problem solved?

The $800 will not actually do anything. It's not even an illusion of a solution. It's simply W's attempt at an economic reach around while he fucks us in the ass so that dipshits say: "President gave me $800. He's a good leader. Huyuck."

Fix the god damned problem and stop trying to assuage your constituents. And if we're hurting for money? How about we end the damn War on Terror. That would probably free up a few billion dollars and severely decrease the amount of money we're borrowing from other nations which may very well increase the value of the dollar overall and so stimulate some positive economic growth.

That is, if we actually want to fix the problem. Which at this point is a premise based upon a mere assumption.

Not so much with the dreaming.

Every third monday in January I make a pilgrimage, a ritualistic and sacred trek, to Kentucky Fried Chicken. Why? Well, the third monday in January is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. And I really don't know what else I'm supposed to do to celebrate.

I'm serious, too. What am I supposed to do? What are any of us supposed to do? Go ahead and read about the history of the day. Now, did you see anywhere therein a description of what we're supposed to do? Are we supposed to exchange gifts, volunteer, decorate eggs, salute a flag, or just blow smoke up the black man's ass?

Because that's all this day seems to really be about: appeasement without advancement. Congratulations, dream achieved: Bankers and Postal Workers get a day off.

Huzzah!

I also enjoy that Martin Luther King Jr. day is not January 15, King's birthday, but rather is on a relative, approximate day thereabout. It's the approximation of a holiday for something approximating equality. It's faux respect and reverence. And I don't understand how that makes people happy.

Honestly, if you are truly pissed off about inequality or racism or slavery or some other bug that happens to dwell within your ass how is the third monday in January in any way beneficial to your particular historical or cultural pet peeve? What does it really do for you? In what way do you benefit?

Sure, you get a token speech, an expected article on a news site, and maybe a presidential candidate will show up to your rally and tell you what you want to hear. Great. Go ahead and make a "Mission Accomplished" banner. It will be just as appropriate now as it was then.

Because it's not doing anything for you; it's not really helping. It's the holiday equivalent of getting Don Imus kicked off the air. Sure, your cause gets some attention and people pretend to care for a little bit. But on the third Tuesday of January? The postal workers and bankers will be back at work, the speech will be forgotten, the candidate will move on to the next town.

And Martin Luther King Junior will still be dead with his cause and ideal condensed down to a bumper sticker motto.

But on the bright side, Barak Obama could be the Democratic nominee for President of the United States. So maybe progress and equality will come despite you jackoffs focusing on trite bullshit rather than pursuing true progress.

To me, Miniwing!

So there's this quest in World of Warcraft called Skywing. You happen upon an NPC bird who, well, i'll let the quest text speak for itself:

Skywing flutters around you.

You get the feeling he wants you to follow him.

So you follow this fucking bird around a fucking village where sentient human/bird things try to beat the crap out of you while Skywing there attempts to find "something". After some amount of time Skywing finds what he is looking for, presumably, turns into a human/bird thing, thanks you, and is off on his merry way.

I tell you this not to stress the engaging and well-crafted story of the quest (that's sarcasm), but rather to focus on the rewards for this quest. For, you see, not only do you get reputation, experience/gold, and a piece of armor but you ALSO get a mother-fucking pet bird.

I had forgotten how absurd things can be in WoW; how after escorting what may have been some sort of demi-bird-god-thing around a village so that it might, let's say, save an entire race of beings, an NPC will thank you by handing you a pet bird. Named Miniwing. Who follows you around for the rest of its life.

Something about that situation endears the game to me. I do not know exactly why this is the case. But for some reason I love the idea that after escorting a bird around a village of bird people the reward to be given will include a pet bird who just follows you around forever to remind you of that time you escorted a bird through a village of bird people.