[chat] Wreck

Chinese train collision reportedly kills dozens

How can two trains wreck? It's not as if they move independent of the tracks.
*Edit*: Apparently Train #2 jumped the tracks. Stupid Chinese track jumping trains.

First of May

I forgot to post this yesterday.

Vote, Asshole.

Since Indiana's Primary is on May 6th and it is possible to vote early in a contest in which our votes count I voted this afternoon. As I was leaving I noticed that the woman behind me in line was explaining that she needed help voting because she was blind.

And a thought struck me.

If this blind woman is capable of making her way to the County Clerk's office, beset on all sides by modern hazards she could not see? Then there is no good god damned reason why non-handicapped people oughtn't get their lazy asses out to push a fucking button.

I've been told in the past that only those who participate get to bitch. But I'll do one better:

If you don't vote then you are more useless than a blind woman.

So get off your ass and vote, asshole.

You Are Dumb Day 2008

Every day you need to read youaredumb.net Why?

The whole idea behind You Are Dumb Dot Net is that stupid people ruin shit for smart people. They irritate us, they annoy us, and they hold us back as a society. The more power stupid people have, the farther we get from Utopia. There are a number of weapons we have against the chronically thick. We can try to reason with them, we can try to educate them, we can try to bring them into the debate. Or, we can call them names and laugh at them. I'll leave those first three weapons to kinder, more patient people. Here at YAD, we traffic almost entirely in mockery and abuse.

Is it constructive? No. Is it elevating the discourse? No. Do I care? No. I'm not here to change lives, make a difference, or save the world. I'm here to laugh at stupid people, from the tap-dancing moron who leads the ostensibly free world all the way down to lowly New Jersey cops caught fucking cows. Which actually just happened, by the way.

If you are still not convinced this YAD post contains links to memorable YAD posts from the past year. Read some of them, realize the error of your ways, and then add "Read YAD" to your daily list of shit you need to do in order to be a better person.

'Critical Analysis' of Evolution

State Legislators Seek Bills to Allow Questioning of Evolution Theory in Schools

"The Florida House of Representatives passed a bill this week that will require schools to teach 'critical analysis' of evolution." Which in the words of Alan Hays means that:

"I do not expect teachers to go into the classrooms and present a bizarre array of theories," Hays told FOXNews.com. "The theory of evolution, which most practicing biologists are teaching today, is inadequate in explaining our existence in the eyes of some scientists. Teachers need to be able to bring their students up to date."

Which is cool because the theory of evolution isn't meant to "explain our existence", asshole. The theory of evolution is meant to explain the manner by which biological diversity came about, asshole. "Explaining our existence"? That's what Philosophers do, asshole. But thanks for ensuring that students in Florida will now be even more confused than they already are.

The best part is when chuckleheads like John Moolenaar try to defend this shit:

"Educators should have the freedom to bring in the best scientific information to facilitate those discussions," Moolenaar said. "We’re trying to get students to ask the question: What scientific evidence exists for what theories?"

Yeah. Because students are obviously equipped for assess for themselves the merit of any given scientific theory.

It's like John Duncan, R-Tenn. said: "It seems rather elitist that people with academic degrees in health think they know better than parents what type of sex education is appropriate.”

Who the fuck are these educated people to tell us what is or is not a useful scientific theory? Fuck them and their "facts" and "empirical observations". Fuck them and their pansy-ass degrees. "OO! Look at me! I spent my life researching this shit!"

God, fuck you and your knowledge. This is America! Everyone gets to decide what is true for their self! If parents want to pray for their diabetic daughter rather than take her to the doctor that's their fucking right! Wait, what's that? The parents were charged with second-degree reckless homicide? Well, shit, I guess there is some standard to which we appeal which is greater than an individual's particular beliefs and thoughts.

Except in Florida with regard to education.

Because FUCK KNOWLEDGE that's why.

Zero Punctuation: Chains of Olympus

Uneducated Voters

Of all the components to this primary that piss me off there is one golden, shining beacon of asinine idiocy that literally keeps me up at night because I'm too fucking pissed off to sleep.

You see, whenever Clinton's wins are analyzed the demographic tick-off is nigh-always "Whites, women, and those without a college education". When pundits start talking about the gas tax holiday proposed by McCain and Clinton pundits portray the sides as:
"It's the old "if it feels good, do it" (that Clinton and McCain have seen succeed for so long during times that pocketbook politics have dominated the debate) versus the intellectual argument Obama is trying to have (that usually is praised by, well, intellectuals but dismissed by rank-and-file voters who want their tax cut or gas prices cut)."
Moreover when you actually talk to experts you'll see that economists and people who know shit understand that the gas tax holiday is a terrible idea not only because it won't help the economy but also because, you know, the more gas we burn the sooner we'll all be dead.

And I'm trying to figure out why the fucking hell no one has stopped to point out that when the debate is between uneducated people and intellectuals there is no debate because FUCK UNEDUCATED PEOPLE. If the primary supporters of a given candidate or policy are uneducated does not that indicate some fundamental flaw in the candidate or policy given that, you know, stupid people like it?

Granted, if you look at the statistics you'll see that a lot of these "gaps" are not necessarily overwhelming. Obama has maybe a 10% lead over McCain with people who have post-graduate education. In PA Clinton's lead among people without college degrees was around 19 points. So if you have a college degree you can decide whether or not 10% or 19 points is significant.

But, really, oughtn't those uneducated people be removed from the process anyway?

I know that there is a level of discomfort which results from the notion that certain people oughtn't be allowed to participate in the process, that we cling to this bizarre, idiotic notion that everyone matters. But i'm not talking about racism or sexism or ageism or any of the other baseless forms of segregation based in rampant idiocy. I'm talking about idiocy itself. If we don't allow felons (people who have demonstrably shown that they are incapable of making decisions which behoove society) to vote then why the fuck would we allow uneducated people to vote?

Wouldn't it be sort of terrific if everyone who participated in the democratic process could read at a college level, were well versed in the Classics and familiar with thinkers such as Locke and Hobbes? Wouldn't it be delightful if everyone who voted based their decision on an objective assessment of a candidate's positions and soundness of their policies rather than the color of their skin, their genitals, or whatever other mud-fucking-stupid criteria uneducated dipshits utilize?

But if we aren't going to prohibit uneducated people from voting; if we're going to maintain this delusional, baseless notion that those people have valid concerns and respectable decision making abilities then can't we at least frame the conversation to be condescending towards them? Oughtn't we openly mock Clinton for maintaining positions supported by those without a college education? Oughtn't we rightly portray this preposterous gas tax holiday as an uneconomial, unenvironmental pander to the lowest common denominator? For fuck's sake can't we all agree to call a moron a moron and stop dignifying and respecting the positions of these dipshits?

Here's my proposal: The next time Clinton wins a state as a result of carrying the uneducated white dipshit vote? Instead of lauding her ability to appeal to the residents of Bumblefuck, Tacoma and skewing the spin to portray her positions as sensible, supported, and good let's rather embrace the nature of the win and summarize her victory in a manner truly befitting her supporters and policies:

"Hayuck!"