Friday, November 21, 2008

Olympic Pole Dancing: It's a Penis, You Know

Utah studio wants pole dancing in Olympics

So, apparently, there is a movement to make Pole Dancing an Olympic sport:
"This takes grace, fluidity and strength. It's on par with ice skating and everything else in the Olympics," said Lorinda Coombs, co-owner of Studio Soiree. Said Lizz Schofield, the owner of a Pole Dancing Studio, "it's not stripping at all." The article in question also has quotes from a mother of four who engaged in pole dancing "for the workout".

Yeah. Um... You see...

The pole is a cock.

Yeah.

And, you know, I hate to be the guy to break that to you; I hate to "go all Freudian on you". But you're dancing with a cock. Granted, it is a cock which extends from the floor to the ceiling (much like my own) but it's still a big, rigid, metal cock. And you're doing this in a room full of other women who are, you know, all dancing with erect metal cocks.

And I'm not trying to dissuade you from your cock dancing; I think it is terrific. And I'm not even going to dissuade you from attempting to make metal-cock dancing an Olympic sport. I think your enterprise is fucking (to pardon the pun) hilarious.

But I just thought you should know that "pole dancing" is, in fact "metal, rigid, erect, cock dancing".

And that's not even a subjective interpretation which fails to grasp the deep, penetrating history of pole dancing which has climaxed into its current popularity. It's actually an accurate statement of fact: You're dancing with a big metal cock. So, you know, have fun with that.

And also?" This takes grace, fluidity and strength"? You know what else takes grace, fluidity, and strength? Fucking. Fucking requires all of those things.

So you might want to modify your argument a bit unless you want to be indirectly arguing for Olympic fucking. I don't think you should modify your argument at all to be perfectly honest. Hell, I'd probably watch the Olympics if fucking were a competition. Especially if it were the winter Olympics.

But, yeah, you're dancing with an erect metal cock.

Just FYI.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

"And that's not even a subjective interpretation which fails to grasp the deep, penetrating history of pole dancing which has climaxed into its current popularity."

This sentence for the win!

Anonymous said...

You seem to have cock on the brain. An infantile mind will tend to obsess.

_J_ said...

Do you deny that pole dancing poles are penises?

Roscoe said...

remind me to come back to this when I'm not drowning in neuroses, paranoia, and godsdamned papers.

The_Jolly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The_Jolly said...

While your argument has some validity, I would like to point that there are numerous objects in society that could potentially represent phalli. Let's take the guitar for example. I don't believe that you should have to think about that one too hard. Playing one constitutes running hands and fingers up and down a shaft. Really makes you wonder about all the hours of Guitar Hero doesn't it?

Roscoe said...

Actually, for J?

It improved his playing when he realized that.

Unknown said...

It is the only reason he continues to practice to this day, for 3 hours a day, in 5 minute shifts.

Unknown said...

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