April Fools Open Thread

Human remains found on Tom Nook's pig farm.

ANIMAL CROSSING--Local general store proprietor Tom Nook is in police custody following the discovery of human remains on his pig farm. In a pre-dawn raid to serve a search warrant on unrelated money laundering charges, authorities were horrified to discover several pigs gnawing on a human torso.

While primarily known as a shopkeep, Nook had a very lucrative loan sharking business on the side, authorities said. The raccoon had a penchant for luring out-of-towners and forcing them to take on large amounts of debt in exchange for Section 8-qualifying housing.

Anything else?