So Denis Leary does that Asshole song where he describes his character as a "suburbanite slob" who "like[s] football and porno and books about war". He is a simple man who probably thinks a cowboy punching Nazis with his machine gun fists from the back of a speeding missile made out of dinosaurs would be the greatest thing ever. Not that that wouldn't be great, mind you, but I don't know that this is the person who should be directing a movie about how the human race is too brutish and stupid to keep from destroying itself. And yet here we are, and remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still is pretty fucking stupid.
Incontrovertible Proof that TDtESS is Stupid
1) Scientist describes the speed of an object as being 3 x 10^7 meters per second. Now, you might think to yourself, wouldn't it be easier to say "thirty million" than "three times ten to the seventh power"? Oh no. Science is not here to be easy, it is here to sound complicated. That's why another scientist repeats the number later as "three times ten to the seventh power meters per second". Gosh, just listen to all that fucking science!!
2) Any time the military or police are involved, the movie grinds to a halt to watch the flashing lights and gun cocking. Probably the words "grind", "flash", and "cock" are the words to pay attention to here.
3) Movie contains a man who looks at some sort of a complicated equation on a blackboard, then instantly is able to correct it. This is pretty cliche in terms of retards making movies about people who are supposed to be smart, so TDtESS ratchets up the retard by having TWO characters write the corrected equation in some sort of dueling chalkboard nonsense. Also, those two people are Keanu Reeves and John Cleese.
4) Something computer related was compromised, therefore the planet has been hacked. In this case, some communications satellite related to the government was shut down. But not just any some communications satellite related to the government. The one where if they shut it down, THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT US...AND WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THEM
There's more, but I'm getting nit-picky.
Now, I haven't seen the original in a few years, but it appeared to me that even though the remake was pretty dumb, the important bits still came through. The bits about how the human race has all of its little systems and its little gadgets, so it thinks that it rules the world and is in control, but it actually isn't. But if that's all you're looking for, then you may as well just watch the original. As I recall, it was pretty rad.
