Romney v Huckabee
Since the Republican Presidential Hullabaloo is down to McCain, Romney, and Huckabee I need to make a decision: I need to decide whether I hate Romney or Huckabee more. This is an important, possibly life changing decision which will influence the focus of my hate and scorn for weeks, even months to come. So who do I hate more? Let's get right to it.
Religion
Huckabee: Ex-Southern Baptist Minister
Romney: Mormon
My hatred of Mormonism is well known. But while Romney is a Mormon, Huckabee was a Minister. This is a very close competition but when combined "Southern Baptist" and "minister" defeat "mormon" any day.
Winner: Huckabee
Abortion
Huckabee: Opposed to abortion including cases of rape or incest. He has stated that abortion should be legal only when the life of the mother is at risk.
Romney: Opposed to abortion except in cases of rape, incest, and when the life of the mother is threatened
Huckabee and Romney both desire to overturn Roe v. Wade. While Huckabee has been a consistent Fetus Fetishizing Fuck Romney has at times described himself as "Pro-Choice", depending on the audience to whom he is speaking. Romney also allows for more situations in which Abortion ought to be legal. Since I am a baby killin' heathen I must give this category to Huckabee.
Winner: Huckabee
Guantanamo Bay
Huckabee: Guantanamo Bay is a distraction from the War on Terror
Romney: "We ought to double Guantanamo."
Winner: Romney
Iraq
Huckabee: "We have to continue the surge, and let me explain why. When I was a little kid, if I went into a store with my mother, she had a simple rule for me: If I picked something off the shelf at the store and I broke it, I bought it. I learned I don't pick something off the shelf I can't afford to buy. Well, what we did in Iraq, we essentially broke it. It's our responsibility to do the best we can to try to fix it before we just turn away."
Romney: "so long as there is a reasonable prospect of success, our wisest course is to seek stability in Iraq, with additional troops endeavoring to secure the civilian population."
I hate how Huckabee has a stupid fucking story for every one of his god damned positions.
Winner: Huckabee
Evolution
Huckabee: "I do not necessarily buy into the traditional Darwinian theory, personally."
Romney: "Governor Romney believes both science and faith can help inform us about the origins of life in this world."
Science & Faith > Faith
Winner: Huckabee
Gun Control
Huckabee: "The Second Amendment is primarily about tyranny and self-defense, not hunting. The Founding Fathers wanted us to be
able to defend ourselves from our own government, if need be, and from all threats to our lives and property."
Romney: "So I'm a hunter and believe in Second Amendment rights, but I also believe that assault weapons are not needed in the public population."
While I don't know what the second amendment is trying to say I'm pretty sure that it is not about hunting.
Winner: Romney
Misc.
Huckabee: Entrenched Creationist Fetus Fetishizing Fuck
Romney: Will tell you what you want to hear despite what he said the previous day.
I appreciate flip-flopping John Kerry-esque change more than entrenched assholeish dipshittery.
Winner: Huckabee
Those are the main categories about which I care with regard to the differences between these two candidates. So, let's get to the final result.
Final Score:
Huckabee: 5
Romney: 2
Congratulations to Mike Huckabee! You are more worthy of scorn and contempt than Mitt "The Garden of Eden was in Missouri" Romney.
...
BREAKING NEWS!
Romney to suspend his presidential bid
(narrows eyes)
Alright, Huckabee.
It is on.
8 comments:
I finished the post, refreshed MSNBC, and saw the news that Romney had suspended his campaign. So right after deciding that I hate Huckabee more Romney dropped out.
I didn't know that I had that much influence on these people.
"... Frankly, in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror." - Mitt Romney in the a previously posted article.
This should factor into your hatred and at least make the race for j's hate that much closer.
jay, it seems to me that some romeny staffer say your post and said
well, if we are no longer being scorned by some smart ass jerkoff from indiana, than well, we cant win.
I have no doubt that Romney Headquarters had a gigantic screen which constantly displays Everyone Is A Sith so that they can keep up to date on what youtube videos we find, what games we like, and what things we hate on any given day. I know that Huckabee checks the blog often. It would only make sense for Romney to be aware of us as well.
"... Frankly, in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror."
+2 Romney
just start hating on Obama then!
Why would I hate on Obama?
Who would hate on Obama?
Maybe a deaf person who experiences his speeches through a crappy translator.
But, still, deaf people don't count.
cause you hate huckabee and he stays in...thus if you hate obama he will get the nomination ;-)
Flawless logic.
Damn you, Obama! Damn your eloquence!
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