IU Bans Smoking

Around this time last year I noticed that people were making plans to ban smoking on IU campus. I thought it was a silly idea, what with there already being bans on smoking near doorways and at bus stops, the kinds of bans that keep the crowds smoke-free, while still allowing for smoking in the emptier or more avoidable areas.

And though I thought the ban was silly, I was fearful that if these people were serious about enacting such a thing, that they'd probably get their way. I mean, what can a group of smokers say in their defense that wouldn't essentially be an insubstantial and yellow-toothed "dont' tread on me"? And that's assuming that smokers would even have the energy to stand up for themselves. We're a pretty relaxed group, after all.

Today I read this article in the student newspaper. The interview with the sophomore makes it sound like the whole plan came together because a bunch of people thought smoking was "icky" and banning it would "just, you know, be like, nicer". Which is irritating, but only about as irritating as, say, having someone smoke near you, so I'll let it slide.

My hope is that there will be a month or two of warnings and the occasional example made of some unlucky guy before the ban is just outright ignored. Who's going to enforce this damn rule? “Normally that is handled through the office of student ethics at the dean’s office,” Minger said. “They would be enforcing that kind of regulation.” What the hell does that mean? Do I need to swing by the dean's office and blow a big fat smoke ring in his face in order to get called out for smoking? Or is the scene that keeps playing in my head where I'm running from a bunch of angry old professors all Benny Hill-style how this is going to play out? It'll be interesting to find out.

Because MACs are more secure...

Some teen in New Jersey haxxed the iPhone to unlock it from using only AT&T's service so that it can run on T-Mobile. You can read his super awesome blog here.

So that whole, "MACs are super-secure and they don't get viruses or haxxed because they are super-secure and it's not because they only have a miserably weak market share" argument for MAC security?

Yeah. Not so much. Turns out that when Apple makes something human beings buy they're just as susceptible to teh haxin'.

Godliness contributes to happiness.

Here's a great sentence to read when you first arrive in the office on a Friday:
"Among America’s young people, godliness contributes to happiness."

There are three things in that sentence that just delight me:
1) "Young People": I love the phrase "young people" because it only appears in sentences composed by out-of-touch octogenarians with a mistaken opinion of the degree to which they are "hip" and "with it" while still maintaining just a pinch of, "Hey you kids, get off my lawn!"

2) "godliness": I love the word "godliness". For me, it conjures the image of a choir of angels appearing behind Ted Haggard as he does cocaine while getting reamed up the ass by a gay hooker.

3) "contribues to": The phrase "contributes to" is great because it's a rhetorical device used to make something appear more significant than it actually is. If a thing "contributes to" happiness we've bypassed any discussion of the percent or degree to which it contributes and instead merely discuss the fact that yes, in some manner, this thing contributes.

The worst part of this stupid ass article is the audacity with which it is written. Do they really think I'm not aware of this? Yes, if a person ignores reality and fabricates a stupid fucking delusion of a big, powerful sky-daddy who watches over them and somehow rights all wrongs and balances out all injustices on a universal scale then, yeah, they'll be happier. If a person thinks that this life is naught but a test for the next life and that their future is guided by an invisible sky daddy? No shit, they'll be happier.

And then there are the facts and the statistics. Oh, the facts and the statistics:

- Sixty-eight percent agree with the statement, “I follow my own religious and spiritual beliefs, but I think that other religious beliefs could be true as well.” Oh sweet fuck, 70% of "young people" are hip to religious pluralism?! That bodes well for the future. Nothing like a healthy dose of relativism at a young age to ensure a sensible mindset throughout adulthood. And it's not even the relativism that bothers me. It's John 14:6 when Jesus says, "I am the way the truth and the life; NO MAN cometh unto the Father BUT BY ME." How the fuck someone can read that and say, "But, Tzing-Pow the Daoist might be right, too. I mean, he shares his cookies at lunch time!" is beyond me.

- "Among races, African-Americans are most likely to describe religion as being the single most important thing in their lives. Females are slightly more religious than males, and the South is the most religious region" So a black southern woman is the most religious? I find a bit of irony in that.

- "Eighty percent of those who call religion or spirituality the most important thing in their lives say they’re happy, while 60 percent of those who say faith isn’t important to them consider themselves happy." I don't know what this means. 20% of religious people aren't happy? There's no way that 20% of the people polled are Calvinists. And 60% of people who don't give a shit about religion are happy? Why don't we hear more about them?

I think Molly Luksik, though, summed up everything quite nicely. "If you believe God is helping you, then everything else isn’t as important and you can trust that there’s somebody there for you no matter what."

Yes, Molly. If you ignore reality and cling to the idea of an invisible sky daddy who is in control of everything you will find a sense of comfort. Problem is, though, that security blanket? It doesn't fucking exist no matter how much you think it does.

And then we have people like Traci Laichter, who say shit like, "I believe whatever you believe is true to you and it really shouldn’t matter what other people think". I mean, it's quite sensible for a 14 year old jewish girl to spout Nietzsche, except, wait, that doesn't make a damn bit of sense.

But the gold medal for this article goes to David Mueller:

“When it comes to events in your whole life, it’s already somewhat laid out for you,” he said. “You can stray off to another path. But where God wants you to go, you are going to get there.”

Way to go, David. Soft-Determinism for the win.

Morgan Webb

Some Farker would like you to know that "Morgan Webb says "penetration" three times in today's WebbAlert video blog"

I'm so fucking great.

So, this kid shows up at the the door to sell me some over-priced hot candy for his fund raiser. Since it's hot outside I let him in while I go get my wallet. Then, not only do I pay $1 for a bag of Skittles but I also let him refill his little water bottle using our good water.

Now something good better damn well happen to me. And i'm not talking about some shitty fucking "You find a dollar" good. I'm talking about getting the love of my life back level of "good". I mean, I gave him the good water. That shit ain't cheap.

Gaming Widows

According to this nifty article there are groups of individuals who have dubbed themselves "game widows" who due to games such as WoW, Everquest, Final Fantasy 11, etc have "lost" their mates.

The most striking part of this article is Sherry Myrow, who started gamerwidow.com:


Now, I'm not a specialist in the assessment of sexual orientation and I don't have any knowledge of the soft-science involved in assessing addiction. Regardless, I'm pretty sure that if you are a male who would prefer to raid WoW's Molten Core rather than her molten core? You're probably a gay, gay, gay homosexual.

I played WoW. I understand the manner in which it is enjoyable. But, come on, there is no way that WoW is better than her.

GH3 is for Woodpeckers

The Dragonforce song from GH3:


It requires one woodpecker for each fret and 4 woodpeckers to strum.