Saturday, June 25, 2011

Fort Calhoun Nuclear [chat] Meltdown

SHH! It's super-secret! Or, ok, you can know about it. But don't tell any Nebraskans.


Roscoe said...

So.. Keith's back tommorrow night.

_J_ said...


Does his new show have a site upon which it can be viewed?

Roscoe said..., which redirects to a more proper domain, I believe.

Roscoe said...
As I thought..

Roscoe said...

.... an era has passed. Not only did the year's Much Music Video Awards pass this year unnoticed, but when I caught it on repeat?

Not even the Bride Of Nook herself, Ms. Lavigne interested me, and her performance? Was limp and lackluster.

_J_ said...

Bristol Palin writes in her new book of losing her virginity to boyfriend Levi Johnston on a camping trip after getting drunk for the first time on too many wine coolers.

It's perfect.

Roscoe said...

.. Man, is that really news?

_J_ said...

Truth in advertising

Roscoe said...

lies. That's totally a cut rate bride's dress.

Terrible materials, too.

Mike Lewis said...

re: Keith: Countdown being taken off MSNBC has been the best thing for my blood pressure. I have not watched cable news since and I am a better person for it

re: Bristel Palin and the wine cooler call for a full blog post. I should have something by the end of the week on that subject.

Roscoe said...

I get the blood pressure thing. I do... but.. the Palin thing?

Really? Oversheltered teen rebels and life intervenes, forcing a wake up call? Is that news?

Or even, has she done so much, relatively, to make herself news? Her MOM has, by all means. and she's exploited what she could, dancing w/ stars and such.. but.. .. feck... She seems a lot like a poor kid whose entire life becomes someone else's ideological platform. and making light of that? .. that's ugly to me.

If SHE were? which she did for a bit? .. that's one thing.. but.. seems she's moving at least somewhat past that. Tethering her to Momma Grizzly's shite? Is absurd as tying me to Dad's Bowling and Propane platform (neither of which are significantly serious, but.. The Family Bowls. And Dad dealt in Propane and Propane Accessories before shit went south)

Dunno. I don't know where Bristol's earned her general social licks, and where we're raining them on behalf of Sarah's work.

Roscoe said...

Maybe I just have sympathy for fuckups.

_J_ said...

I think you may be missing the point: Bristol Palin lost her virginity after getting drunk on wine coolers.

That is a joke. Getting a female drunk on wine coolers, for the sake of sex, is something about which people joke. It never actually happens. No female has ever actually lost her virginity due to wine coolers.

Because it is a joke. It is something one jokingly states on forums, or at a bar with friends, or when purchasing items at a liquor store. One goes to a liquor store with friends, and while perusing the isles, one says, "Hey, let's get some wine coolers and knock up some coeds!"

And people laugh. Because it is a joke, because it never actually happens.

So Bristol Palin, in her book, says that she lost her virginity after getting drunk on wine coolers. This, of course, did not actually happen. But she does not want to say what really happened. One time she has heard that teenage girls lose their virginity after consuming wine coolers, and so she claims that it happened to her.

Despite the fact that this never actually happens, since getting a female drunk on wine coolers is a joke that never actually happens.

That's why this is hilarious.

Bristol Palin claiming that she was knocked up after getting drunk on wine coolers is tantamount to someone claiming that they lost a kidney after waking up in Mexico in a bathtub full of ice.

These things never actually happen, but we joke about them. And stupid people confuse reality with the faux-reality of jokes. So when these people lie, their stories are based in joke-world rather than real-world.

Unless, of course, Bristol Palin is a cartoon character. Because only a cartoon character would actually lose her virginity after getting drunk on wine coolers.

Roscoe said...

it's less a joke, and more Life as Scripted by Degrassi.. but.. yeah.

_J_ said...

In about 15 years we'll read a story about how Tripp Palin was shot while attempting to purchase some marijuana cigarettes.

Roscoe said...

Nah. Tripp'll hook up with his paternal grandma's meth habit.

_J_ said...

I am thinking about crafting these and then consuming them.

_J_ said...

I just set my phone alarm to remind me to be in my Animal Crossing house at 11:20. Because that is when the woodpecker is coming to visit.

Shoot me.

Just...just shoot me now.

_J_ said...

It wasn't the woodpecker. It was the duck. The god damned blue duck.

So I'm waiting in my house, to let the fucker in, and all he does is knock on me for not having a bed. Well you know what, asshole? My Feng Shui score is aweesome because I do not have a bed! But do you care about that, you fucking duck? Of course not.

Then he called me a "dumpster diving hipster" and gave me a 4/5 score. He's obviously never red a fucking FAQ about this game, because if he did he'd know that my birthday cakes, lucky cats, and tresure chests are ensuring that rare fish and bugs appear for his ducking ass to catch.

What an asshole.