A Kleenex Rant.

I hate tissues that contain lotion and I have no idea why people buy tissues which contain lotion or scents or any sort of moisture. It makes no sense to me. According to kleenex.com they make lotion, menthol, Ultra Soft, and Anti-Viral brands of tissues.

Why?

The point of a tissue is to absorb moisture so that instead of being in, say, your nose the moisture is instead on the tissue. But when the tissue itself is moist then the transfer of moisture is fucked the hell up, and instead of a situation in which one blows their nose, discards the tissue, and moves on with one's life one becomes engaged in an epic battle against the tissue, itself already saturated with moisture, resistant to this new moisture thrust upon it.

It's akin to using a sponge to soak up water. If the desire is to remove the water from the surface one does not wet the sponge before soaking up the water; that would be asinine. So why is it that people flock to these pre-moistened Tissues? What is the appeal?

Yes, they do not hurt one's nose if used repeatedly. But in exchange for less nasal pain one's nose retains most of the moisture that a dry, sensible, tissue would absorb. So one must use more moist tissues to remove the moisture that a single dry tissue could absorb.

This is why I have abandoned the use of Tissues in public and instead utilize toilet paper. Because, luckily, as a society we have managed to avoid putting lotion on the tissue we use to wipe our collective asses; probably because no one in a marketing room / focus group anywhere wants to raise concerns regarding "dry ass".