An Atheist in the Woods.

The secretary forwarded an e-mail to everyone in the office. The Subject Line of the e-mail is "An Atheist in the Woods". Due to the indominable quality of this story it can be found on many websites so I do not have to post the text here.

The story goes that an atheist is walking in the woods. A bear attacks him. The atheist yells out, "Oh my God!" God appears. God says that since the atheist denies God's existence then God will not aid the atheist. The atheist replies that this is fair, but asks God to make the bear a Christian. God does so. The story ends with the Bear bowing its head in prayer, thanking The Lord for the meal it is about to receive.

LOL!

What I don't understand is what in the name of Jesus "Chicken Fucking" Christ I'm supposed to take away from that story. It was forwarded to me so presumably there is some quality found in the story which eludes me. But what is this quality? The kernels I am able to pick from this steaming pile of crap are:

1) Atheists sometimes exclaim "Oh My God". My guess is that this is supposed to be ironic, or contradictory, or problematic, or inconsistent...or something.

2) God is a 6 year old girl. This is common in Christian beliefs: the idea that God is a 6 year old girl and if you don't tell God how pretty God's dress is, or if you are mean to God then God won't invite you to God's tea party and God may also kick you in the shin or scratch you or allow bears to eat you.

3) Bears can be Christian. While my theological understanding was that bears had no souls and so could not be Christian I was apparently mistaken.

4) Christian bears eat atheists.

Number 4 is the part that causes the most consternation. Since the story ends with the bear preparing to eat the atheist my assumption is that it must be the punch line. Christian bears eating atheists is funny. Sure, bears mauling things is funny, but Christian bears portrayed as killers who desire the flesh of atheists? That seems theologically problematic to me.

And also, a character identified only as "atheist"? That's just lazy. Now, Richard Dawkins mauled by a Christian bear? That's hilarious.

If only because Dawkins is a idiotic fucking douche.