Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

In my particular world view 2009 provided a glimmer of hope off in the distance. No more George W. Bush, no more shitty job, and Grad School. 2009 was shaping up to be a happy little year to which one could look forward with anticipation and delight. But then NBC hired Jimmy Fallon to host 'Late Night' in 2009 and that happy little vision crashed into a mountain of dread.

Ok, Jimmy "Laugh at my own jokes" Fallon is not funny. He wasn't funny on Weekend Update. He wasn't funny in any of his sketches. And he god damned well was not funny in Taxi. And if at any point you have found Jimmy "Laugh at my own jokes" Fallon to be entertaining then you are either functionally retarded or Jimmy Fallon. (After all, we know that Jimmy Fallon thinks he's funny. HE COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING AT HIMSELF!)

I don't even watch NBC late night TV; it's not for me. So, arguably, I could just avoid Jimmy "Laugh at my own jokes" Fallon as he sits at Conan's desk laughing at his own jokes and breaking character. The problem with that, though, is that Jimmy "Laugh at my own jokes" Fallon will slowly seep into popular culture and dipshits like Roger Friedman over at Fox News will write shit like this:

He’s the perfect successor to Conan and should have just as big an audience when he takes the reins. Fallon is one of those great underrated performers. This should be the right milieu for him.

Fucking god damn shit festering ass cock no! No, Roger Friedman! Bad Roger Friedman! We do not feign praise for Jimmy "Laugh at my own jokes" Fallon!

And what the hell does "Fallon is one of those great underrated performers" mean? Seriously, if that's the nicest thing you can think of; the highest level of praise you can muster? What the hell does that tell you about the subject matter? And by what backwards fucking metric has anyone ever "underrated" Jimmy "Laugh at my own jokes" Fallon? Jimmy "Laugh at my own jokes" Fallon is by definition OVERrated! He neither deserved nor behooved his chair at Weekend Update. And now with 'Late Night' handed to him like the Presidency was handed to W we have even more proof of Jimmy "Laugh at my own jokes" Fallon's overrated, undeserved success within an industry which obviously does not pay attention to itself.

So now we have this to look forward to. Leno goes somewhere. Conan moves to Leno's spot. And the poor man's Adam Sandler, Jimmy "Laugh at my own jokes" Fallon, gets to sit at Conan's desk while he breaks character, laughs at his own jokes, forgets his lines, and collects gigantic undeserved paychecks.

Terrific.