Tuesday, May 27, 2008

McCain Action Center Points

I've been told that Everyone Is A Sith tends to have a "liberal bias" given that we say mean things about stupid people. Until today I was ok with that; I slept comfortably enough on my metal spring mattress knowing that at least 100 people per day visit our site and think to themselves, "God, that _J_ person is an asshole." But today that all changes. From this day on? EOIAS is all McCain all the time. Why? Because I want some fucking John McCain Online Action Center Points:

Select from the numerous web, blog and news sites listed here, go there, and make your opinions supporting John McCain known. Once you’ve commented on a post, video or news story, report the details of your comment by clicking the button below. After your comments are verified, you will be awarded points through the McCain Online Action Center.
I adore points; I yearn for points. The entirety of my being fixates upon and cannot live without points. Be it Diablo II, Pokémon, Guitar Hero, World of Warcraft, or academia my primary fixation always has been and always will be the pursuit of points. And now John McCain, non-Nubian, is offering me that which I most desire: points.

Obama is not offering me points. Clinton? Bah! Clinton has no points to offer. But John McCain gets me, man. McCain has focus grouped the shit out of my demographic and discovered what we really want, what we truly desire. We do not want an end to the war in Iraq, sound fiscal policy to end the recession, a divorce from the policies of George W. Bush, or change. No. We want points, damn it. Sweet, sustaining, meaningless points.

Think about it. How much time do you invest in meaningless activities for the pursuit of points? Be they Xbox Live achievement points, Ikaruga scores, forum post counts, currency in an online world, a higher level in Crystal Chronicles? These are all fundamentally activities pursued in an effort to amass points, signs of marked progress within a given context. And now John McCain, visionary, is offering you and I another system by which we may amass points with no discernable benefit! And what's more? All we have to do to amass them is troll blogs. And that's something we do anyway!

It is brilliant, really. John McCain doddered his way onto the caffeine fueled pulse of "the internet types" and discovered the way to get we mindless drones to spread his lies. All he had to do was offer us points. We could not resist.

It's all a matter of knowing your audience, really. If you need meat sacks to go overseas and fight your war just offer a vague promise of college wrapped in some shoddy rhetoric. If you need "internet types" to troll for you? Offer points. It's basically two sides of the same coin. Only instead of facing the risk of death and dismemberment we, McCain's Bloggers, risk the chance of getting temp banned on Daily Kos.

And that is a risk I am willing to take...for points.


Mike Lewis said...

I saw this on Kos. McCain is hunting for trolls.


_J_ said...

Srsly, though. Offering trolls points for their trolling?

It really is a good idea...at least in terms of meshing an idea with a demographic of people one wishes to exploit.