Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Damn it, Margaret Ann Gordon!

I'm getting really fucking sick and tired of reading about people being killed by dogs. The latest story is of Margaret Ann Gordon, 56, who was attacked by a "pack of about eight wild dogs". Apparently, "her legs were gnawed to the bone" and she died of blood loss.

How the fuck hard is it to punch a dog in the neck? I mean, really. It's not terribly difficult. You locate the head (the part with the teeth) and you locate the body (the huge mass below the head) and then you aim your blow between these two things. Then when the dog falls back from your initial blow you pull out your knife (Because who the god-damned fuck doesn't in the year our lord 2007 carry at least one fucking knife with them everywhere they go?) and you stab the beast until it dies.

If there are 8? You repeat the process 8 times.

I'm not endorsing cruelty to animals. I don't think killing dogs ought to be one's hobby. If you are in Bulgaria, though, and 8 wild dogs appear and try to eat you? Go ahead and prevent them from eating you. Because you're a human fucking being. You have tools. You have multiple appendages with which you can inflict damage on other beings.

And you're being killed by this:



Stop it!

10 comments:

_J_ said...

Alternate lol caption:

I'm in Bulgaria.

Eatin' joor legs!

Andrew said...

J.
you are not allowed to talk about dog attacks anymore until you have been in one.

Kylebrown said...

/agree

MA17 said...

Thirded.

Andrew said...

Motion passes.
J, if you so desire, we have a few packs of wild dogs that roam the country side near my family's farm and i could introduce you.

_J_ said...

Awesome. I can meet them and prove that one needn't die to a pack of wild dogs.

Though, if I seek out the fight that might skew the result.

So, sometime when I am not expecting it? Let loose a wild dog or eight in a manner that would result in it/they attacking me.

Then when I win I can talk about how to effectively fight wild dogs.

Kylebrown said...

or we could lock him into a cage with an angry pit bull or mastiff. Were he to walk out of the cage alive, then we will be allowed to continue his crusade.

Kylebrown said...

we = he

_J_ said...

I'm not talking about cagefights.

Or, fuck, why not? Depending on the size of the cage it oughtn't skew the results...

I think that as long as I could stand up that would be an adequate height. And 8 feet across ought to be fine. Circle or Square or anything ought to be fine.

_J_ said...

Youtube video about how Dogs attack