Friday, June 6, 2008

Howard Wolfson speaks for Clinton, Contradicts Self

Of all the confusing things the Clinton campaign did over its 17 months this has to be the most mentally perplexing:

“While Senator Clinton has made clear throughout this process that she will do whatever she can to elect a Democrat to the White House, she is not seeking the vice presidency, and no one speaks for her but her,” Howard Wolfson, one of the campaign’s chief strategists, said in a statement provided to The New York Times.
If you did not catch it then let me restate it for you: Howard Wolfson said, "No one speaks for Hillary but Hillary". As negative statements are sometimes confusing allow me to restate it as a positive:

"No one speaks for Hillary but Hillary" = "Only Hillary speaks for Hillary"

You see the problem. How could Howard Wolfson say "only Hillary speaks for Hillary" and it be meaningful?

Let me begin by saying that it can be the case that "only Hillary speaks for Hillary" and people other than Hillary can say that; they would merely be stating a fact. The problem is that in this particular example Howard Wolfson appears to be speaking for Hillary, which is impossible given what he said.

This leads to the main point with which I am struggling: Is it the case that "no one speaks for Hillary but Hillary"?

Simply googling "clinton spokesman" produces what appears to be an abundance of evidence to the contrary. Throughout the 17 month campaign multiple individuals with the title of "Clinton spokesman" made statements on behalf of Hillary Clinton. But let us assume that "only Hillary speaks for Hillary". What then of these spokesmen and spokeswomen?

Obviously these spokesmen and spokeswomen, if we are to believe that "only Hillary speaks for Hillary" could not have been speaking for Hillary; that would be impossible. So then what were they doing? Is it possible that they could communicate true information about Hillary Clinton without speaking for her? Certainly. But it would be impossible for them to communicate this information on her behalf. They would have to be speaking on their own behalf, for themselves. Could the speak on behalf of the campaign? Yes, assuming that Hillary Clinton and Hillary Clinton's campaign are separate entities. But they absolutely could not speak on behalf of Hillary Clinton.

Of course, it is also possible that "no one speaks for Hillary but Hillary" is a false statement and that Howard Wolfson is a fucking moron who doesn't know what he's saying most of the god damned time.

Personally? I tend to settle on the "Howard Wolfson is a fucking moron" option given that over the past 17 months a metric shit ton of people have spoken for Hillary Clinton, most of whom are fucking tools.

Except for Terry McAuliffe. That guy totally has his shit together.


Roscoe said...

I like that the guy goes to Puerto Rico and brings back a bottle of Bacardi Select.

Fucking Select, man.

Not Bacardi 8year aged, or something local. The basic gold Bacardi. 11 bucks at CVS Bacardi.

that there? Shows dedication to being Terry McAuliffe. To being the most McAuliffe he can be.

_J_ said...

Yeah, what the fuck was up with that?

"I'm going to Puerto Rico. Better pick up some Bacardi Select."

Does he think it's more genuine if you physically carry the bottle from Puerto Rico home? Do they sell a different version in Puerto Rico? Does it contain actual Puerto Rican piss as opposed to the CVS imitation Puerto Rican piss?

Roscoe said...

there's a VAGUE possiblity that the second option is real.

But even then.. Why buy the CHEAP stuff?

_J_ said...

And who the fuck drinks Bacardi in the first place? Yes, you can't drink the water in Puerto Rico. But you could at least drink something GOOD.

You'd think that if the Clinton Campaign is already millions of dollars in debt the least they could do is spring for something good.

Roscoe said...

I'll buy Bacardi 8 or 151.. or even Select, their dark rum..

but.. seriously.. Superior or Silver?

Only if someone gives it to me.

_J_ said...

Bacardi 151 is talent juice. Of course that is a sensible purchase.

Anything else, though, is just gross.

Roscoe said...

Select is their baseline Dark Rum.. and it's okay. more of a mixing drink than a sipping, obviously, as it's baseline rum and not a WHIT on any Mount Gay.

Bacardi's 8year is supposed to be good by all accounts..

_J_ said...

I think it safe to assume that Terry McAuliffe does not know shit about Rum.

Roscoe said...

Or, Terry McAuliffe is rebelling the only way he knows how... through secret sabotoage signals.