Jonah Goldberg needs a puppy.

I assume you are all aware of Liberal Fascism, a book by Jonah Goldberg which, by the title one could guess, explains how contemporary liberals are, in fact, fascists.

Rather than get drawn into that argument and critique the book itself I wanted to know more about Jonah Goldberg and get a sense of who he is. So I dug around on the tubal interwebs to find some of his writings.

From his article "What the Daily Show Cut Out:
"Viewers in search of more than disjointed, stuttering cross talk would be disappointed if they caught the whole exchange - it was all like that. Stewart, try as he might, could not understand where I'm coming from."

From an article he wrote regarding Al Gore:
"One student asked a long and rambling question that went basically as follows: He understood why I think Al Gore is dishonest and misleading. But how can I criticize Gore when all he wants to do is make people change their behavior and take care of this planet?

Translation: Gore is on the side of the angels and therefore it’s mean-spirited to throw inconvenient truths back at the Oscar winner for An Inconvenient Truth. “Yeah, exactly,” the kid responded when I rephrased the question thusly."

From Liberal Fascism:
"Animal rights advocates correctly note that animal rights activism was a major concern in pre-Nazi Germany and that the animal rights movement shouldn't be associated with Nazism. But as with environmentalism, this is less of a defense than it sounds. It is fine to say that many of Nazism's concerns were held by people who were not Nazis. But the fact that these conventionally leftist views were held by Nazis suggests that Nazism isn't as alien to mainstream progressive thought as some would have us believe."

Jonah Goldberg is like Ann Coulter in that he makes his living saying asinine things to people who will listen to him. Now, this is not a criticism. Hell, if someone offered me such a gig I would happily accept it. But I think what is most interesting is Goldberg's specific brand of asinine portrayed by these quotes.

"Stewart, try as he might, could not understand where I'm coming from."
Forum gold, the "they just don't understand me" argument is a classic rhetorical position to maintain in an argument. It maintains that the speaker is correct, educated, and reasonable whereas their opponent is simply mistaken, unable to understand the discussion and points made by the speaker.

"Translation: Gore is on the side of the angels and therefore it’s mean-spirited to throw inconvenient truths back at the Oscar winner for An Inconvenient Truth."
This is the tried and true "well I guess my opponent is infallible" argument. It bypasses the nuance of the argument, the substance of the argument, and instead implants hubris into one's opponent's argument. It is a means of pardoning one's self from the rules of debate by misrepresenting one's opponent. It is, again, childish.

"It is fine to say that many of Nazism's concerns were held by people who were not Nazis. But the fact that these conventionally leftist views were held by Nazis suggests that Nazism isn't as alien to mainstream progressive thought as some would have us believe.""

Conventionally leftist views were held by Nazis.
Therefore: Leftists are Nazis.

I don't think that is even logic.

Reading through the writings of Jonah Goldberg I found myself feeling sorry for him. He honestly does not seem to understand logic, the process of thought, or the manner in which valid and sound arguments ought be structured. He appears to be genuinely confused and particularly fixated on the "they just don't understand me" style of argument, maintaining that if only we were all just slightly smarter we could understand his non-syllogisms and historical revisionism.

I hope he is just playing a role. I hope he is like Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter, individuals who play characters in the media for fun and profit. If Jonah Goldberg is such a person then, awesome, he has found a way to exploit our stupid little system. Good for him.

If Jonah Goldberg is not acting, though? If his writings are genuine and representative of his intellectual capabilities and level of intelligence? Then someone needs to buy Jonah Goldberg a puppy. Because if he is not acting then Jonah Goldberg is just a thirteen year old uneducated boy in a man's body who is obviously scared to death of the world in which he lives.

Maybe a puppy would make him feel more secure.